WYB miffed? Dd in hospital and dh fucked off to Glastonbury?

When is he due back OP? Hope you and your daughter are going ok today

He absolutely has. The dc should be ‘grateful’ he is an absolute tosser and has put a festival before his own child according to him. This post made my blood boil. How can you defend the indefensible.

OPs DH has entered the chat

No, I don't think you are wrong. I think the OP suggested it as a possible explanation for her DH's appalling behaviour.

The truth is that her DH is indifferent to his family except when he perceives benefit to himself.

People keep referring to "his autism" - I was under the impression he doesn't have a diagnosis and it's simply the OP'S suggestion he might be autistic.

Am I wrong?

Well, you did tell him he could go, he probably took it that you were ok with him going.
If you suspect that he might be on the spectrum, then perhaps you should always say exactly what you mean/want and don't expect him to read the room, or work out what you actually mean.
Your disappointment is totally understandable, you should both be sharing the responsibility for caring for your daughter. And he certainly shouldn't go off to some muddy farm to mingle with unwashed bodies and miss your anniversary, but he might have thought that you didn't mind him going. When he'd commented that he wouldn't be able to go to Glastonbury, the answer should have been no, his family needed him then, and it's your anniversary weekend.

OP honestly if it is so bad your children are noticing you need to leave. It's not just about this appalling treatment of you but selfishness towards his DC. I'd pack his bags and at least make him stay somewhere else for a while. You need to see what life is like without him around to give you the push to make the separation permanent. Get his stuff packed and have it ready for him to collect when he gets back. I don't think I'd be able to forgive this behaviour at all.

Narcissistic, egotistical, grandiose, amoral.

Sounds like a psychopath to me. I don't mean he is planning to eat your liver with beans and a nice chianti. He will simply never 'get it'. He will tread on you/your DCs to get to what he wants.

You/your DCs are just his audience. Your DD's illness is distracting attention away from him.

Your husband is a twat. That is all

That’s really going to help her daughter 🙄

So I guess I'm the only autistic person on the thread who thinks he's an asshole and that of course he knew he shouldn't go. All these 'But how was he to know? You said he could go!' responses are kind of infuriating, and I'm as autistic as they come.

Seriously? Come on, now. He knew. He just didn't care enough to stay.

Chuck him out he’s always going to o be selfish

Yes Completely Concur With You
Dear original commenter shouldn't need to spell it out to him
Or beg him, he should just know, it's the right decision to be there for their dear daughter
She's permitted some sarcasm in such immensely sensitive circumstances too🙏

I'm so very sorry you're going through this,so understandably worried about your dear daughter etc virtually on your own
Please don't presume for 1moment, you're being the slightest unreasonable
I'd be absolutely devastated & heartbroken
Experienced similar coldness when my eldest dear Child was just a baby, from father, so empathise completely & wholeheartedly
Please also don't permit Autism to be a reason for dismissive disregard
I'm on the autistic spectrum & find even the very thought of not being present for my Beloved Children, absolutely abhorrent & unthinkable
Especially when unwell
God Bless You&Yours

I couldn't forgive this.
He doesn't have autistic traits. He has self centred bastard traits.

"He is a good dad generally, just often seems to be missing some kind of empathy gene. I know he’ll be thinking “it makes no difference whether I’m there or not”"

If he's got no empathy for you or your DC... he's not a good dad.. its just generally he's not called on to step up.
I agree with other pps that he definitely had a ticket (you can't get in under a fence anymore) and has lied about it.

It does make a difference whether he's there or not (well maybe not him, but a functioning parent) it makes a differernce to you and your DD and your other DS at home to know that you are all supporting each other, making it just that little bit easier.
But effectively he doesn't seem to want to know or care about how your DD is.
The posting of pics under these circumstances, expecting likes for how cool he is, is disgusting.

DO NOT let him use the You told me to go so this is all your fault argument. You didn't say of course you mustnt miss Glasto.
What you said was I'm not going to stop you ... and if your conscience allows you.
Well his conscience did allow him. And that is on him. Not you. He cannot go around saying you urged him to go.

He's awful.

I hope your DD is recovering and that you are feeling better yourself. You could have done without this shit. Your DD is lucky that she has a caring Mum who will fight her corner and help her get well. You will get there. Keep faith in yourself and don't let his shit behaviour derail you x

@PatriarchyRuinedMyPesto

His DD is ILL and the mother fucker hasn't even asked about her!

I love music but I am also a good parent and my child comes before any gig, any festival, any event.

To fuck off and not even check in to see how she is is utterly shit parenting.

If I were OP his bags would already be packed and on the lawn.

Sorry your going through this! In my opinion he should of absolutely not have gone! Is he actually for real! His child is in hospital unwell and he headed of to glastonbury! Hes her dad he should be there for her and also for you if he was any good! There's no excuse for this! (Autisic or not) Hope you get clarity! X

That's your lesson. You told him it was up to him whether he went - and he did. If a similar situation arises in the future state clearly what you want him to do - not give him a cop-out.

Get the locks changed before he gets home, if he has taken your car, report it stolen

Jesus do you not think this has already been said in 30 pages?

You know why he didn't call or pick up the phone? Because he didn't want to interrupt what he was doing. That's not autism, that's a*h**ism.

OP, sometimes I think they are genuinely from a different planet. Mine has a lack of empathy often. For example, if one of the children fell off something, bumped their head quite badly and we were told to watch for concussion or something, DH would just go to bed and say "he'll be fine!" whereas I will be up the entire night checking him. He doesn't seem to have the same priorities as me. I think its a mum thing, we usually have an in built sense of how our children are and what they need. If your DH is possibly autistic, it could be that he has taken you literally! I have a child who is not diagnosed but is obviously on the spectrum, but is very intelligent and high functioning. He takes everything literally though, so we can't say something like "just go if you want, its up to you" because he would never see a joke in that and would see it as he had been told he could...
Your poor daughter though, hope she is okay!

I could understand it if he wanted to go to say, Bloodstock festival, but not Glastonbury.

If i told my daughter "yes go if you want" she would see that as me giving permission.
She's 20 and autistic
Having 3 people in my life with autism I have to be very clear with what I'm wanting from them, no hinting, no passive aggressive chatter just upfront blunt answers to questions so there's no grey areas

How we know husband is competent enough to comprehend he was shirking his responsibilities:

1. he asked for permission, so he already knew it was wrong to go
2. he decided, all by his little ole lonesome that "up to you" meant he had permission
3. then he refused all calls and did not initiate any contact
4. if he believed he was in the right to go, he would have taken calls and initiated calls
5. his son has developed a deeply concerning habit of excusing his behavior which also indicates husband might withhold affection if anyone holds him accountable

If he is so incapacitated as to not be able to comprehend right from wrong when his own child is hospitalized then he is not competent to ride public transportation alone, or go anywhere alone for that matter, have a bank account, nor sign a contract.

My best guess is that he's an adult male who is not attached to his family and does what he wants to do when he wants to do it. He doesn't care about them. His son has written himself a fantasy about him. It's really sad but I doubt it has anything to do with his autism. There are millions of men who don't have autism who pull these same stunts.