WYB miffed? Dd in hospital and dh fucked off to Glastonbury?

He is not “probably autistic”.

And even if he was, it still doesn’t excuse his behaviour. Multiple autistic people have commented and said they would never do what he’s done.

’Autistic’ is not a euphemism for ‘selfish arsehole’.

Equally, being autistic doesn’t mean someone can’t also be a selfish arsehole.

He’s a selfish arsehole. That’s the problem here.

There are no routine appointments when your child is in and out of hospital dangerously ill

So he's probably autistic and you said 'yes go if you want to'.

Surely you know that if you say 'yes go if you want to' he's not going to be able to work out that you mean 'no of course you shouldn't go because i might need you to bring me something to hospital from home if things happen to go pear shaped even though this is just supposed to be a routine appointment?'

It's not a lack of empathy, it's you saying 'yes you can go' when you don't actually mean 'yes you can go'. This is why autistic people often struggle so much, because people say one thing and expect them to know that they mean the complete other. How is he to know you'd prefer it if he sat at home 'just in case' as he couldn't possibly know that the routine appointment was going to turn into something more.

Why didn't you say to him, 'no I really don't want you to go because I might need you?' or alternatively accept that he rarely goes anywhere and just be ok with him going this once to something?

I really think if you are going to make this work you need to understand the world from his point of view too - it's not all about just him having to change. You need to understand that you need to say what you mean and communicate clearly. He can't change the fact he is autistic and understands the world in a different way from you.

I appreciate this is a really ,really difficult time for you and your poor daughter. But if you can communicate more clearly and not just expect him to do all the changing then it will probably make things a lot easier for all of you.

Has he come back?! Any further updates?

Is he home?

Rude, aren't you. It's perfectly reasonable for me to give a response without reading every single other one first. You don't have to read it if it bores you.

I've also commented that it's virtually no excuse
I'm also on the autistic spectrum & just couldn't bear, stand or even contemplate choosing a stupid concert or any other activities whatsoever over
My Beloved Children
Not in a million billion trillion years
💔

Not sure it was worth going as this year as the lineup was not the best, not worth getting your ear bent off the missus when you return home.

A little light relief for the OP, I hope.

Not only that, you can't 'just buy tickets, you have to preregister an account, submit passport-like photos, and then hope you can be early enough in the queue to get them before they sell out, usually around an hour after going on sale. Which usually happens at 8am on a Sunday the previous October, so in all likelihood, this was planned a long time ago. Even if he managed to blag a ticket from a friend who say, had a stall there, those tickets are also organised months in advance & also have their names & photos on their tickets. He's a bullshitter.

He’s probably waiting for The Prodigy to come on later tonight.
Turn up tomorrow filthy, smelly and skint trying to bore his DC about his cool adventure…

@Hopetheportaloosareminging

Is your useless man-child of a husband back yet? Been half hoping to see an update from you that you've changed the locks & put all his stuff on the doorstep.

Hope you & your daughter are OK.

“it’s up to you, I’m not going to stop you - yes go if you want!” I said (in a jokey way) “it’s on your conscience”

This is not giving your blessing to someone going, especially under the circumstances described,
She clearly says its on your conscience. That's a warning.

He's just demonstrated he doesn't have one.

A teenager may take that as permission but a normal adult would not.
It's effectively saying go if you have to but on your head be it.

I can imagine that the tone you would use saying that would be one of disbelief that they would actually go under the circumstances.

Late to the thread and I'm sure this has been said but no way did he jump the fence. He 100% had a ticket. My brother jumped the fence 2 years ago and it was a military operation - they were in secret telegram groups and had special folding lightweight ladders and who the fuck knows what else and it took them 8 hours in total to get in. He and his friend are stupid thrill seekers and this was a fun challenge for them, plus they are young (about 30 at the time)
They tried again last year and after a similar length of time trying they got chased off by security and gave up.

ETA and he has a camper van? Well obviously he had a ticket. Blimey, he must think you were born yesterday.

I really hope your daughter makes a good recovery, OP.

Surely everyone at Glastonbury has to wear a wristband? If he's slithered under a hedge (ffs how could you fancy him again after hearing that was his plan?) then he wouldn't have a wristband and would be easily identifiable as someone who's there without paying.

Do you have a shared account? Have you checked to see whether a payment went out for the ticket or as a bank transfer to his friend?

I agree. And having to listen to all these bullshit stories over and over again would drive me absolutely insane. Sounds like a typical boring man who desperately wants to sound cool and spontaneous.

There’s no way he went to Glastonbury without a ticket or camper van pass. Not only is he a selfish cunt, he’s also a complete liar.

@Codlingmoths I agree. I only mentioned respite as it’s been mentioned by other posters. That would be if both parents share caring duties. The parent who deserves respite here is the OP. She doesn’t get a moment of it.

He doesn’t even qualify as a parent of a sick child. He doesn’t need respite from doing absolutely fucking nothing for his sick child. He didn’t even message while away to see how she was. He couldn’t give them a ride to the hospital last week, he was ‘too busy’. He’s just a big fucking waste of space and effort.

Very calmly.
Just that you think its best he lives elsewhere.
Reassure them that everything will be fine, they can see him when they like, but that you think it would be best.

Fxxking loser.

Yes I believe it’s like Fort Knox now to break into G with their own ‘jails’ for offenders.. to break in to hear thousands of middle class kids with their £300 tickets cheer Corbyn on that they build bridges not walls 🙄 Only metaphorically of course, and now they cheer support for perpetrators of those that murdered raped and tortured the young like them at a music festival.. and a massive heat wave. Such hellish irony.
I hope your daughter is ok. And in future don’t try to guilt trip him. Just say. Don’t be silly. Grow up.
If you are scared he will leave you if you state the obvious don’t be.

Whilst he’s away I would have a frank chat with the older kids. Ask them how they would feel if you and Dad split up. Tell them how disappointed you are that he’s gone to Glastonbury with everything that’s going on with your DD. See what they say, you’ve found it easier without him and they seem to think he’s a bit of a dick too. I can’t see what you’re getting out of the relationship. He seems to drag you down. He reminds me of the husband from Motherland who is never seen because he’s always at a stag do or football match. It’s like looking after another kid.

He definitely had tickets all along. No one just blags their way in to Glastonbury, not unless you’re Ronnie Wood or Kate Moss.

The ‘you told me I could go’ line is teenager talk.
And yes parents with a sick child need respite but it needs to be fair, arranged and agreed by both. It’s not sodding off to Glastonbury.
A therapist asked me this once when I was in a terrible state, different predicament -
What would happen if you dropped dead today?
It was to remind me that my role in life wasn’t just looking after someone else, at a huge cost to myself. I am not wishing it on you, of course it’s not about that, but what would he do if he had to parent alone?
He would have to cope. He would have to get on with it.
I couldn’t be married to him, OP. It’s no kind of life.

Yes, this is so true. Living it now myself, so much so that am seriously thinking about getting a divorce in my old age, after decades of marriage.

ETA: I’m sorry, @Hopetheportaloosareminging, I’ve nothing to add to what others have said to you about your husband. I really do wish your daughter a good recovery and I hope you are all doing well together at home.

I read this on Mumsnet a while ago and feel like it applies to so many posts…….men are basically quite selfish and a bit arrogant by nature, and deep down they think they are superior to women, and the head of the household.

At the end of the day, men do whatever the fuck they want, no matter what the effect is on anyone else.