WYB miffed? Dd in hospital and dh fucked off to Glastonbury?

I'm struggling to process how someone could be so selfish. He doesn't deserve you, or your lovely children (sending hugs to your DD and you - EDs are a bastard and if she's eating/trying amid it all she's an absolute rockstar). I hope he's camped next to someone playing the bongos all night.

Leaving is the right thing to do - PP have said it all. He doesn't care about you or your kids, or show it in any way that matters - why he doesn't do that is immaterial (though my suspicion is that he's a dickhead first and foremost).

@Freddl6 the OP has enough on her plate parenting her child. She's not responsible for parenting her husband.

I guess this is why a diagnosis would be helpful because you would knows he might need a clearer - you cant go etc.
re empathy some asd kids at least cant see another persons side.

i do think mt dd only cares about what she wants like shes stuck at a very young age. And her friend is even worse if he wants to leave his mum has to go. He wont go to activies he isnt interested in.

Plus perhaps he wouldnt care if he were on hospital and his dad we nt to glastonbury because he cant do anything.

It's not an overreaction. I would rather be single than have a shit husband. Fortunately I have an amazing husband who would never in a million years go to a music festival with a daughter in the hospital. Are you male?

Seriously, in a thread of nearly 700 posts it didn't occur to you that there might be a bit more going on here? That maybe you should take a look at the OP's posts at least?

And if 'going to festivals' is a more important part of your identity than 'showing your hospitalised child you give a crap about her/supporting your wife' then you're a shitty parent, a crap spouse and an all-round selfish twat, whether you identify as such or not.

He's just a giant bellend. It's a myth that autistic people don't show/feel empathy or emotions. I'd worry less about him and his potential issues and focus on the fact you've both got a child who's 12 and has a diagnosed eating disorder, so bad the NHS, which is leaving people in tempory trollys in corridors as there are no beds, still kept her in and will do again.

He's unbelievably selfish, but that's not your daughter's fault, and really, that's the only person that matters here, anniversary or not.

@PatriarchyRuinedMyPesto You realise his daughter has been hospitalised as a result of an eating disorder? And he’s partying at Glasto? His hobbies should be taking a back seat.

Yeah, you don’t know much about autism if you think it equals being unempathetic and uncaring. It may have been true that your husband is both of those, but please don’t extrapolate that to autistic people in general.

@GiveDogBoneMate, I’ve got a PhD and a daughter. Shove it right up your arse.

I didn’t say there was. I was just observing what type of person the individual is. We’ve all seen them… pick up from the school gates only breaking their gaze from their phone to swear at their poor children.

Can I just say you have the best username of any mumsnetter I’ve seen 😂

Have you not actually read any of OP's posts?

@PatriarchyRuinedMyPesto see my comment about reading comprehension. If you could be bothered to read the OPs posts - y'know, that person who posted because they're dealing with a traumatic event, not just for your entertainment - you'd know that her husband has been a particularly shit husband for a good while.

Patriarchy ruined my pesto? You sound like you epitome of the bloody thing.

Totally unreasonable from my side, if I had a child in hospital I wouldn’t be legging it off anywhere like that. The only thing I can say in his defence is that if he is autistic, he may not have understood the subtext in “go if you want, it’s on your conscience.” I think taking stuff literally like that is possibly an autistic trait and he may have understood that as “permission.”

Not really. Relationships are about give and take. Not the husband having to sacrifice his entire identity. If she’s a good wife she will understand how important it is to have time apart to pursue hobbies and interests and to see friends etc. it’s much healthier for the relationship. Music is also a big thing for lots of people and it’s very unfair to expect him to sacrifice that

@PatriarchyRuinedMyPesto You need to have a word with yourself.

That’s a silly overreaction. Presumably he spends most of his time prioritising his wife and daughter. Why shouldn’t he have a few days off to go to a music festival. Music festivals are part of a lot of people’s identity

Calm down. If it was the other way around no doubt he’d be controlling her

I know you mean well with this comment, truly.

And you're right his presence has possibly contributed to his daughters need for control if he is as much of an emotionally unavailable parent as he is a partner, but her eating isn't likely to improve within a few days especially in a hospital.

She's in hospital because she's at a crisis point, not because they can rehabilitate her. Hospitals are their own form of trauma when you have an eating disorder. The doctors and staff are often not fully aware of how eating disorders work.

I support a young lady with anorexia and I've had staff say things like "you look good today", when she's not been able to eat a thing they've brought because it's too much, different textures, the pressure to consume a specific amount of calories, threats of feeding tubes being made, and it overall reinforcing the idea that if someone says you look good when you're not eating, you'd look better if you carried on not eating.

We've been on wards with other girls with anorexia passing out tips to make it appear like you're gaining weight, and girls who have passed away waiting for beds in our local specialist eating disorder facility.

We've been on mixed general wards with the general population being mixed in and also saying things like "you're so pretty" on days where she has not eaten.

We've had doctors and nurses scream that her phosphate is so dangerously low that if she doesn't start eating they will section her.

She's been sectioned and they still haven't administered any different interventions than they would on a voluntary admission.

She's been given drips with alsorts of cocktails mixed in, given the all clear out of the danger zone and then had an event before being discharged leading to extended admission when she is just so desperately homesick, unable to eat the hospital food without gagging while a nurse sits and watches her try and stuff it in as fast as she can so she doesn't have to suffer as long.

It gets to a point where it doesn't matter what the cause of the trauma was that started the anorexia, eating itself or the expectation to becomes incredibly traumatic. It's performance pressure, and it's like having the worst stage fright while being the most important public speaker.

I'm sure the OP would love a clear cut and dry explainable trigger to just make it all disappear but it's so complex that a few days away from her dad won't change deeply ingrained psychological behaviours and aversions.

I take it you're new here? There's no censorship on swearing here

Have not read the full thread but I'm surprised how many have said (paraphrasing) "you said he could go"

The fact he chose to is what makes him at fault here. She shouldn't have to stop him.

What a wonderful, well brought-up and educated, person you are to use that language. Hopefully you’ve not got any children to pass those behaviours on to.

I feel you 0p. Husband acted like nothing wrong when daughter had eating disorder 5 years ago. Would not meet eating disorder nurse. Pretended it wasnt happening. Filed for divorce this year. Can’t fucking wait to be free of his bullshit

The age profile at Glastonbury isn't 23 year olds!