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Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To think if you moved out to the countryside during Covid, you can't demand remote working?

208 replies

JacquesHarlow · 26/06/2025 14:02

Before I get piled on, the key word here is demanding remote working based on their lifestyle choices, and therefore going against an employer's setup (mandated hybrid or full 5 day wees).

The number of people I have interacted with in the last year who feel entitled to fully remote and flexible now, never coming in, because they took a gamble five years ago and relocated outside of where the work is....is staggering.

Let me rewind for a minute -

I understand from the ACAS site etc that people are legally allowed to request flexible working. But surely employers are equally allowed to turn it down or request a modified version (you have to come in X days). So why do so many people moan about this, as if they're entitled to fully remote?

I guess the answer lies in the pandemic.

For desk based jobs such as mine and many others, we were able to work remotely in Covid-19 office lockdowns. Many people reported increased productivity. We could work variable hours, walk the dog at lunchtime, pick up the DCs and then jump on Teams calls. No need to pay expensive £6k a year season tickets, less money spend on childminding to cover the commute etc.

However these couple of years also saw all kind of people look at what their flat or house inside the M25 was worth, cash in, and then flee to all points of the compass in the UK, using their strong London pound so to speak to buy up all kinds of acreage in Frome, Weymouth, Cambridgeshire, you name it.

Where I'm struggling is how many people I've seen on here will say "I've applied to a job which is clearly stated 4 days a week in person in the office. Does anyone work here and can say how firm this is, can I demand it be remote? I live 2.5 hours away from London and it'll cost me £70 a day" etc."

Why though? Does an employer have to throw its office policy out the window every time someone who moved away from London wants the same salary and access to the job market, but won't come in on their terms anymore?

Am I being unreasonable to say that people are being unrealistic about this?

Do any of you think that we should be able to request fully remote when applying for a job, no matter what the employer's policy is? And that it is "discrimination" if they don't?

I mean, one person on here was told by a prospective employer that they need to be mindful not to have their toddler crying out too much while they're on Teams calls with clients. The job seeker then got upset in their post and said "I don't think this job is for me"...

Has COVID completely changed people's expectations that they should be able to do it all with a toddler on their lap?

AIBU?!

OP posts:
Discombobble · 26/06/2025 16:44

iSiLwUibfeb · 26/06/2025 15:45

But the alternative for lots of people to WFH is probably just not working at all.

I am of the people who moved to the countryside during the pandemic. Rents have gone up so much in London that I know can't afford to go back permanently, but my rent has also gone up so much here that I can no longer afford the train or a hotel in London.

I can't work from home in my industry so I've accepted that even though I'm in my mid-thirties, I'll probably never work again. I have always had severe mental health problems, which working actually tended to make better - but if work doesn't cover my housing costs, I can't afford to do it.

Does your work only exist in London, or could you move to a lower rent area of the country where you could access work?

usedtobeaylis · 26/06/2025 16:43

saltinesandcoffeecups · 26/06/2025 16:35

Is that really happening though? Let’s say I work 9-5 with a 2 hour commute 1 ea way. Are people generally logging in at 8 and working until 6?

I’m not sure that’s common. I would think most people would be logged in from 9-5.

It's only my situation but before WFH I was limited in the hours I could work due to childcare and the commute. Being able to WFH meant I could increase my hours and work the time I would normally have been commuting. I still go in to the office on a hybrid basis but I would be out approx. 6-8 hours commuting time per week if I had to go in full time. I work another 4/5 hours flexibly during the week that I would also lose. That's 40+ hours a month 😬

Swirlythingy2025 · 26/06/2025 16:42

Allofthelightss · 26/06/2025 16:38

People have realised there is more for us out there than being up early in the morning, stuck on a long commute, crammed into an office, to come home with barely any time with our families in the evenings.

All to keep the people at the top richer. They want us to keep spending on public transport, in coffee shops, buying meals, in offices where they collect high rents and rates. They don’t want us at home, rested and relaxed, with our families and with money in our pocket.

WFH allows the work life balance to tilt towards a better way of life for us at the bottom at that won’t do. We get one life. Call me unproductive or lazy all you like. My performance says otherwise. WFH has certainly improved mine and my families and for that I’m grateful.

YES , the bobby axelrods of the worlds or the mike princes all want the worker bees at the office because in theory the worker bees are ment to support the local economy eg starbucks etc too. which to me is buy supermarket and make in advance not spend over £5 just on one drink etc

Swirlythingy2025 · 26/06/2025 16:40

JacquesHarlow · 26/06/2025 16:36

Ok I get that people can interrupt your work sometimes @Swirlythingy2025 to ask questions, but -

How did "covid prove most office roles can be "completed" (your words) remotely" - ?

Yes you can have your laptop and voip software to call people etc.

But rightly or wrongly, a lot of companies predicate culture and success on in -person collaboration.

Have you got the evidence you need to push back against your employer's assertions?

Otherwise it's just a matter of opinions etc.

then that also applies to managers etc and their view of how they think it is or is not productive

plus the facts are there about companies that were running during covid if the workers were not productive then the companies share prices etc would of dropped and or projects stalled

plus the whole colab thing. sometimes yes in person it can help but other times its a mix

Allofthelightss · 26/06/2025 16:38

People have realised there is more for us out there than being up early in the morning, stuck on a long commute, crammed into an office, to come home with barely any time with our families in the evenings.

All to keep the people at the top richer. They want us to keep spending on public transport, in coffee shops, buying meals, in offices where they collect high rents and rates. They don’t want us at home, rested and relaxed, with our families and with money in our pocket.

WFH allows the work life balance to tilt towards a better way of life for us at the bottom at that won’t do. We get one life. Call me unproductive or lazy all you like. My performance says otherwise. WFH has certainly improved mine and my families and for that I’m grateful.

Swirlythingy2025 · 26/06/2025 16:38

saltinesandcoffeecups · 26/06/2025 16:35

Is that really happening though? Let’s say I work 9-5 with a 2 hour commute 1 ea way. Are people generally logging in at 8 and working until 6?

I’m not sure that’s common. I would think most people would be logged in from 9-5.

even then theres more distractions at the office and then traffic delays etc, covid proved the old office model is outdated

JacquesHarlow · 26/06/2025 16:36

Swirlythingy2025 · 26/06/2025 16:34

@JacquesHarlow covid proved most office roles can be completed remotely especially with tech etc it seems for some reason bosses prefer people in the office but for some myself included there are more office distractions etc

Ok I get that people can interrupt your work sometimes @Swirlythingy2025 to ask questions, but -

How did "covid prove most office roles can be "completed" (your words) remotely" - ?

Yes you can have your laptop and voip software to call people etc.

But rightly or wrongly, a lot of companies predicate culture and success on in -person collaboration.

Have you got the evidence you need to push back against your employer's assertions?

Otherwise it's just a matter of opinions etc.

OP posts:
Orangeandpurpletulips · 26/06/2025 16:36

usedtobeaylis · 26/06/2025 16:35

This is such an important point - the cost of everything, including rent and transport, shooting up has coincided with post-covid adjustments.

If I had to go back into the office full time I would need to drop my hours back to pre-Covid hours to accommodate the commute which would mean I lost out financially, which would mean I'd need to leave. There wouldn't be any benefit to that for anyone.

Least of all the tax take.

saltinesandcoffeecups · 26/06/2025 16:35

Swirlythingy2025 · 26/06/2025 16:32

it does to a degree straight away 2 hours taken off travelling = extra 2 hours at the desk etc

Is that really happening though? Let’s say I work 9-5 with a 2 hour commute 1 ea way. Are people generally logging in at 8 and working until 6?

I’m not sure that’s common. I would think most people would be logged in from 9-5.

usedtobeaylis · 26/06/2025 16:35

iSiLwUibfeb · 26/06/2025 15:45

But the alternative for lots of people to WFH is probably just not working at all.

I am of the people who moved to the countryside during the pandemic. Rents have gone up so much in London that I know can't afford to go back permanently, but my rent has also gone up so much here that I can no longer afford the train or a hotel in London.

I can't work from home in my industry so I've accepted that even though I'm in my mid-thirties, I'll probably never work again. I have always had severe mental health problems, which working actually tended to make better - but if work doesn't cover my housing costs, I can't afford to do it.

This is such an important point - the cost of everything, including rent and transport, shooting up has coincided with post-covid adjustments.

If I had to go back into the office full time I would need to drop my hours back to pre-Covid hours to accommodate the commute which would mean I lost out financially, which would mean I'd need to leave. There wouldn't be any benefit to that for anyone.

mindutopia · 26/06/2025 16:34

You can always request flexible (including remote) working in any job, and you can walk with your feet if it doesn’t suit you.

I moved out to the countryside many years ago (a decade before COVID). I have a very niche skillset and most jobs are in London or other big cities. I don’t want to live in a city.

Every time I’ve been hired for a role as part of negotiations over the contract, I’ve made it clear that I needed to have remote working approved and that I would only accept a job on the condition I was allowed to wfh at least part of the week. I wouldn’t have accepted the role otherwise and it’s never been refused. I would have been happy to walk away though if the arrangements didn’t suit me.

My approach is that you get the best from me when I have good work life balance. A long daily commute isn’t conducive to that. My colleagues are all over the UK so all meetings are online anyway. The office is often very empty. If you want me to be doing my best work, then get out of my way and let me do it. I’ve never had an employer not happily approve my request. Again they knew I would have walked otherwise and they were keen to hire me.

Swirlythingy2025 · 26/06/2025 16:34

@JacquesHarlow covid proved most office roles can be completed remotely especially with tech etc it seems for some reason bosses prefer people in the office but for some myself included there are more office distractions etc

Boomer55 · 26/06/2025 16:34

JacquesHarlow · 26/06/2025 14:02

Before I get piled on, the key word here is demanding remote working based on their lifestyle choices, and therefore going against an employer's setup (mandated hybrid or full 5 day wees).

The number of people I have interacted with in the last year who feel entitled to fully remote and flexible now, never coming in, because they took a gamble five years ago and relocated outside of where the work is....is staggering.

Let me rewind for a minute -

I understand from the ACAS site etc that people are legally allowed to request flexible working. But surely employers are equally allowed to turn it down or request a modified version (you have to come in X days). So why do so many people moan about this, as if they're entitled to fully remote?

I guess the answer lies in the pandemic.

For desk based jobs such as mine and many others, we were able to work remotely in Covid-19 office lockdowns. Many people reported increased productivity. We could work variable hours, walk the dog at lunchtime, pick up the DCs and then jump on Teams calls. No need to pay expensive £6k a year season tickets, less money spend on childminding to cover the commute etc.

However these couple of years also saw all kind of people look at what their flat or house inside the M25 was worth, cash in, and then flee to all points of the compass in the UK, using their strong London pound so to speak to buy up all kinds of acreage in Frome, Weymouth, Cambridgeshire, you name it.

Where I'm struggling is how many people I've seen on here will say "I've applied to a job which is clearly stated 4 days a week in person in the office. Does anyone work here and can say how firm this is, can I demand it be remote? I live 2.5 hours away from London and it'll cost me £70 a day" etc."

Why though? Does an employer have to throw its office policy out the window every time someone who moved away from London wants the same salary and access to the job market, but won't come in on their terms anymore?

Am I being unreasonable to say that people are being unrealistic about this?

Do any of you think that we should be able to request fully remote when applying for a job, no matter what the employer's policy is? And that it is "discrimination" if they don't?

I mean, one person on here was told by a prospective employer that they need to be mindful not to have their toddler crying out too much while they're on Teams calls with clients. The job seeker then got upset in their post and said "I don't think this job is for me"...

Has COVID completely changed people's expectations that they should be able to do it all with a toddler on their lap?

AIBU?!

You can ask, but increasing companies want work in the office now, so you can’t demand.

Swirlythingy2025 · 26/06/2025 16:32

Beautifulhaiku · 26/06/2025 14:14

Are there studies to show WFH reduces productivity?

it does to a degree straight away 2 hours taken off travelling = extra 2 hours at the desk etc

Crikeyalmighty · 26/06/2025 16:28

My H has a big client with a lot of under 35s and very few with families and a lot of flexibility . The lack of productivity and ‘snap’ is incredibly noticeable from what it was. I think mumsnetters are taking it personally because ‘they’ are perfectly productive as are their partners but some people just simply aren’t if they can get away with it - and it’s very hard to monitor in certain jobs too, apart from noticing that everything takes longer and not much gets done. Problem is it would seem some of the managers are of similar ilk too because they recruit on their own image.

JacquesHarlow · 26/06/2025 16:28

fount · 26/06/2025 16:26

I think people seeking employment can 'demand' whatever they want. It's all a negotiation, and if they're worth their list of demands (so very dramatic!) then they'll get them. If they're not in high-enough demand, themselves, they likely won't.

You may think they're acting entitled, but I don't see how this is any different than negotiating a wage. Once they've been told that wfh isn't possible, they should leave it and look elsewhere, but aside from that, I don't see a problem with 'demanding' a wfh position.

Once they've been told that wfh isn't possible, they should leave it and look elsewhere

And this is what I'm seeing from WhatsApp groups. People who are told it isn't possible, then tearing their hair out that it has been "18 months and still nothing".

but aside from that, I don't see a problem with 'demanding' a wfh position.

I didn't say there was a "problem" with making a demand @fount

I did say there's a problem with moving 3 hours away from London, expecting never to commute again, and basing your whole lifestyle around what was allowed during emergency circumstances in 2020, and expecting this to continue in perpetuity.

OP posts:
usedtobeaylis · 26/06/2025 16:27

Do any of you think that we should be able to request fully remote when applying for a job, no matter what the employer's policy is? And that it is "discrimination" if they don't?

Yes we should be able to ask. Always. Ultimately people looking for a job are as much entitled to interview a prospective employer as the other way around and if you don't ask, you don't get. Whether it's discrimination or not, based on either not allowing someone to make the request at all or refusing it, depends on the circumstances of the role.

JacquesHarlow · 26/06/2025 16:26

Sorry I know my last post sounds goady and it isn't meant to.

I have young DCs too, but I don't feel that gives me the right to actually dictate how my hours of work should be spent , every single day.

I can request, sure. I can hope that if I have my DCs home from 15:30, that everyone is ok with them being in and out of the room while I work.

but I can't dictate what someone who is paying me is willing to endure. that's the bit that I find really odd.

OP posts:
fount · 26/06/2025 16:26

I think people seeking employment can 'demand' whatever they want. It's all a negotiation, and if they're worth their list of demands (so very dramatic!) then they'll get them. If they're not in high-enough demand, themselves, they likely won't.

You may think they're acting entitled, but I don't see how this is any different than negotiating a wage. Once they've been told that wfh isn't possible, they should leave it and look elsewhere, but aside from that, I don't see a problem with 'demanding' a wfh position.

EaglesSwim · 26/06/2025 16:25

Depend how good they are. We had a key employee do just this. The company didn't dare dismiss him.

I wasn't happy about him being a special case, but it was the only possible decision.

needmorecoffee7 · 26/06/2025 16:24

I definitely see this view a lot among people I know. People feel entitled to working from home and seem to forget that this never used to be the norm at all

JacquesHarlow · 26/06/2025 16:23

spoonbillstretford · 26/06/2025 15:48

Why so? Kids have to stay in childcare longer hours due to the commute.

But it was like this before COVID - the measures were temporary - so why should people feel entitled to have their kids at their feet during Teams calls?

OP posts:
saltinesandcoffeecups · 26/06/2025 16:18

Rowthatboat · 26/06/2025 16:11

I wonder if the eventual compromise between employers and employees will be a 4 day week, but you must be in the office.

I just don’t see the 4 day work week ever really taking off for any reason.

The experiments that have been done are outliers and are not indicative of widespread chances for success. Our cultures are all based around the 5/2 model and I think it would be very hard to transition organically.

Orangeandpurpletulips · 26/06/2025 16:17

dynamiccactus · 26/06/2025 16:12

If my job is under threat, it's from AI, not cheaper people in India.

I'm actually surprised nobody's cited AI as a reason why we shouldn't be wfh. It's usually happened by a couple of dozen posts in.

dynamiccactus · 26/06/2025 16:14

Rowthatboat · 26/06/2025 16:11

I wonder if the eventual compromise between employers and employees will be a 4 day week, but you must be in the office.

Sounds like a compromise which would work for men wanting Fridays on the golf course, but as ever not very helpful for mums with caring responsibilities.