To find male aggression deeply disturbing to witness as a woman?

I'm quite lucky as I hardly ever witness male aggression, the occasional minor fight after a night of drinking might occur on a night out but I just keep my distance. I think its pretty obvious male aggression is scarier as men are usually physically bigger and stronger than women. Also if a fight breaks out amongst men you are relying on other strong men intervening.

Yes even in civilised places like the UK and America, look at how men behaved in big groups at the woodstock festival and the euro final. The documentaries shocked me. Or riots. Men in big groups behave like a gang of monkeys when they feel above the law. I couldn’t believe how quickly they went from normal people to tribal, violent, sexual aggressive animals
It feels like women mostly behave well and that’s how we naturally want to behave and the law is just something that’s there, but men are having to really control themselves to not get arrested.

Haven’t RTFT but I agree. I’m lucky in that I have never been physically attacked by a man, but I do genuinely feel intimidated when they start kicking off. My most recent ex used to have tantrums and throw things about and shout at the dog and I hated it (hence him now being an ex)

I remember once when we were planning to leave the house (with said dog - also female!) and he was having a tantrum upstairs as he was struggling to do a simple task and we both sensed it coming, we knew the tantrum was on the way and we both had the same idea of quietly retreating to the garden and waiting there until it had passed. That was in my own house as well.

I now live alone and have done for some time, have also been single for a while and these threads remind me of the peace I now have and how I wouldn’t swap it for the world. I don’t think I could
live with a man again. And if I ever decide to start a relationship up again, and I get yet ANOTHER tantrum thrower, they will be out on their arse quicker than they know what’s happened.

I can only imagine how scary it is for women who have been attacked by men to witness their blow ups.

I’m a survivor of DA & multiple SA incidents from childhood to my mid 30s, many of which were brushed off by the norms of the time but certainly wouldn’t be now. I have also worked with the military where a level of controlled aggression is necessary for some roles in theatre. My opinion is coming from a place of experience: I have zero tolerance for aggressive behaviour from anyone in any circumstance other than on duty in a role that demands it. I do not believe that men are victims of coursing testosterone, they can control themselves, some choose to act out & be odious. @ForBreezySloth you are not being remotely unreasonable.

I actually think we are driven by evolutionary pathways, sex, violence, gluttony etc, the point is civilisation and mutual co-operation force us into a veneer of civilisation thank god. Look what happens in any country where the state is no longer able to or unwilling to enforce law and order. Our natural state is basically awful until we realise that co-operating give individuals (thus us) a higher chance of survival. We are still very much animals.

But yes male aggression is makes me reflexively on guard as well. Probably because male aggression around women is more likely to result in catastrophic events for women and we are less able to protect ourselves against male violence.

It scares me now when you watch these police documentaries and you see young adult males at the custody desk absolutely screaming, growling and threatening to do god knows what to the police - this to me is a horrible side effect of refusing to discipline kids, never stopping them from having bad tempers. They grow into now adults that are viciously outraged the minute anyone doesn't bow down to them.

Absolutely so rude of him, most people ask.if a chairs taken and then back off when you say yes.
It says alot about him.

I was in a very abusive relationship for years. Now when I see men being aggressive it really triggers me. I go into fight or flight mode. Sometime I just cry and others I get mad and want to wipe the floor with them.

Absolutely. I feel instantly paralysed. But there’s no wonder, as it is scary and women are murdered by men every day, let alone the rest of it like abuse, rape etc
I then get told I’m overreacting for hating male aggression. They don’t realise how they come across. Or they do and don’t care

@Lovageandgeraniums
what book is that please?

The first time I experienced male aggression was at a youth club party when I was a very naïve 14 year old. I'd been having a lovely time with my friends - we were all dressed up, dancing and laughing. I remember Jackie Wilson Higher and Higher was playing and I felt so happy. Then it all kicked off and 2 guys started fighting. They were pushed outside and the doors were locked, we were all hiding under the tables while they punched 7 shades of shit out of each other. It was horrific and I was terrified. They were banging up against the doors and the windows, there was blood splattered everywhere. Something changed fundamentally inside me that evening. It wasn't the last fight I witnessed either. Another memorable event was being locked in a pub so the aggressors couldn't leave. Tables and chairs were being thrown left right and centre. Terrifying. And then there was the time a male "friend" punched me after some meaningless annoyance. Jesus, I used to scrap with my sister when we were kids but being hit by a man was something else. Then there was the ex who stuck needles into a condom before we had sex because he wanted me to get pregnant so he could "own" me. Another ex who tried to force my car off the road at speed on the M25. And there are so many other stories, too many more.

Agree, and they have the gall to assert that women are the hormone-driven half of the species, and even refused to accord us any say in private or public life based on our 'hormonal irrationality', when it's clear that testosterone has so much to answer for.

Same..

I have a zero tolerance policy for loud aggressive men, no second chances. I hate shouting and booming voices I won’t be around it, even if it’s not actually aggressive.

I never grew up around male aggression and generally have had a good experience, loving uncles and a lot of male friends since my teens. Despite this, when Dh gets aggressive watching soccer I get really stressed, i get a rising panicky feeling and feel like I want to cry. It surprises me how visceral my reaction is. Of course he thinks I'm being ridiculous. I usually just leave the house if a match is on, I really hate him when he is like that.

I thought my DH had dropped a £1 coin in a train station recently, so I picked it up and offered it to him. It turns out that he hadn't, and that it was a nearby man's - he just behaved like such an aggressive fuckwit, as if I was trying to steal his £1.

I d t feel any different to male aggression than female . But I’m a very bland person who will not fear confrontation as in if you are aggressive to em be prepared for me to react because I will . My first important relationship as a teenager was physically abusive and I swore I would never put myself in that position and 25 years after I haven’t . Living in fear is not something I will ever give in .
I do however deal with a lot of domestic violence testimonies at work , rapes , cultural abuse towards women is the one that shocks me the most as it’s hard to deal with the systematic abuse done in the name of religion and traditions and see women even defending it . That will always shock me

I would never make any excuses for aggressive behaviour towards others when we have the capacity to walk away, think things through and so on* but compare a cow and a bull in a field, or a female gorilla next to a male gorilla. It's genes and hormones, basically.

(*obviously myriad different contexts are possible here with all the possibilities those bring)

I hate any sort of aggression, from either men or women.

I have a friend who’s completely normal until she’s in the car, then she becomes angry, aggressive and full of impotent rage. It’s pathetic and I hate it.

My sister told me years ago that her husband threw a plate in anger. I’ve never forgotten it.

I’m incredibly placid. (Yet my children say I’m scary 😂) But I’ve never been aggressive, or shouty or out of control angry. My husband is the same; I don’t think I have ever heard him raise his voice in anger. I really have no respect for anyone that can’t control their temper.

Me too. If my husband ever shouts or gets annoyed I'm instantly a child cowering in front of big, angry, scary dad.

I think it's undeniable, even as a man you'd be an absolute liar to try and argue that there's an equivalency or parity.

A man getting aggressive or physical , even just in terms of performatively, carries with it an inherent threat.

A woman, no matter how violent or off the rails, just doesn't carry that same threat and if I want to I can essentially laugh it off.

There's an obvious difference

Thank you. I think because I’m abroad and the man was also a tourist from elsewhere, I was really intimidated and couldn’t react. If I had been at home in the north west uk, I would have reacted differently and probably would have spoken very loudly and told him to take his hand off me. It shows how otherwise assertive women can be vulnerable when out of their usual surroundings.

Well, yeah. They’re typically bigger and stronger than women, which means they could quite easily rape or kill us if they wanted to. That ‘visceral fear response’ is a perfectly natural, probably evolutionary, reaction to that. I suppose I just find it odd that anyone is pondering why male aggression ‘lands harder’ for women when it seems pretty obvious why!

It’s an evolutionary response for survival… you should feel scared and react, it could save your life…. This is what PPs mean when they talk about us being animals I think

It was my mother who would scream and slap. She’s pretty nasty. Dad was lovely apart from pandering to her.

However the energy that comes off angry men is in a class of its own. The speed and the power they harness is tangible at a distance. With DM you knew if you hunkered down it would eventually blow over. With men you know you need to get away. Hunker down and it could be all over.