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AIBU?

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Holiday without DH

66 replies

Zil3 · 26/06/2025 12:49

Help, I need impartial advice!
I am married with 3 children. I work part time to fit around kids and majority of my low salary goes on children’s activities and clothes/uniforms etc, and personal bills like my phone/diesel for car/basic gym membership etc.

My husband has a very well paid job that easily covers all household bills/mortgage etc with spare. He is generous and tends to spoil the children and, in my opinion, regularly wastes a lot of money on food, takeaways etc.

We have not been on holiday for years and the children are desperate to go abroad. DH had agreed we could go for a week this September (we have an extra week school hols) which would be perfect, less busy, less expensive, less hot etc.

Not booked anything yet but kids (and me!) have been getting excited about first big family holiday abroad.

DH has now said he doesn’t really want to go. He doesn’t love flying, predominantly because he is very very obese but hasn’t tried to lose weight despite saying he would. He won’t go on a boat and neither of us would want to drive abroad. He’s also now saying we can’t afford it although it feels like an excuse.

He said maybe we could go next year instead but says this each year and next year it’s unlikely we would be able to go in September, with all the positives of that.

He then made a comment about me going on my own with the kids instead and while I was upset by it at first because I want him with us I am considering it. (Although I’m not sure he meant it) The kids are so excited and I have been looking forward to it so much too. A staycation wouldn’t guarantee us the sunshine we’re all craving so that’s not an option either.

Am I being unreasonable if I say ok I’ll go on my own with them?! Should I just accept he doesn’t want to go and that means we all don’t go and have to break it to the children?

sorry for the essay 😣 and thank you in advance for any replies x

OP posts:
Rosesarered37 · 26/06/2025 13:08

GO!

He needs to sort his weight out, maybe watching you have fun with the kids whilst he’s at home might kick him into action.

No one else you can take with you for a bit of adult company like a sibling or friend?

ShodAndShadySenators · 26/06/2025 13:08

I would go in a heartbeat. And I would be livid if he'd said it was doable, getting the children's hopes up, and then said it wasn't affordable after all. Have you both been putting money aside to save up for it as it would be disappointing for the children if it couldn't be spared after all?

(Don't forget to include the cost of applying for passports and travel insurance when budgeting, it's a small part of the overall cost but if you're on a tighter budget it needs to be accounted for.)

It's sad that he doesn't want to do things like this with his family, but you can't change how he feels about it and perhaps missing out might make him find the motivation to make significant changes?

DPotter · 26/06/2025 13:07

Go for it. Book it fast before he changes his mind!

Userengage · 26/06/2025 13:06

I’d make it as easy as possible for yourself and go all inclusive if you can afford it so that you get a holiday from cooking. Your name will get worn out whilst you’re there but if it’s mainly “mum, can I have another ice cream?” it will feel golden. Do it!

minipie · 26/06/2025 13:06

Zil3 · 26/06/2025 12:59

I’ve suggested it to him and also been with him to dieticians and weight management clinics but to no avail. He is worried about side effects of the jabs so won’t take them. Personally I feel the side effects of being 20 stone overweight are more of a concern.

That’s a shame and I agree with you about the risk balance.

Maybe you doing things like this holiday will help him realise what he’s missing out on and give him more incentive.

Zil3 · 26/06/2025 13:05

Doseofreality · 26/06/2025 12:56

I’d be concerned that possible low self esteem, anxiety about his weight or embrassment is causing him to miss out on experiences with his children.

It upsets me so much, he is already missing out on so much but I am running out of ideas to help him!

OP posts:
MiddleAgedDread · 26/06/2025 13:01

Go for it girl!!

Zil3 · 26/06/2025 12:59

Userengage · 26/06/2025 12:55

Unless your three children are 2 year old triplets, go!

Thankfully not!! My eldest is a teenager too so would help me out with younger two.

OP posts:
somewhereintheworld · 26/06/2025 12:59

Can you get someone else to go with you to help out with the kids?

Zil3 · 26/06/2025 12:59

minipie · 26/06/2025 12:55

Absolutely take them away on your own! I’d pick something with a good kids club so you get some breaks to read a book etc.

As an aside has your DH considered/is he aware of Mounjaro, Wegovy etc? I know they have risks but might be outweighed by the risks of being very very obese and the resulting limits on your family life.

I’ve suggested it to him and also been with him to dieticians and weight management clinics but to no avail. He is worried about side effects of the jabs so won’t take them. Personally I feel the side effects of being 20 stone overweight are more of a concern.

OP posts:
Doseofreality · 26/06/2025 12:56

I’d be concerned that possible low self esteem, anxiety about his weight or embrassment is causing him to miss out on experiences with his children.

minipie · 26/06/2025 12:55

Absolutely take them away on your own! I’d pick something with a good kids club so you get some breaks to read a book etc.

As an aside has your DH considered/is he aware of Mounjaro, Wegovy etc? I know they have risks but might be outweighed by the risks of being very very obese and the resulting limits on your family life.

xILikeJamx · 26/06/2025 12:55

I voted YANBU and think you should go - call his bluff and he might change his tune.

However I would be wary of essentially becoming a single parent for a week abroad and all that entails!

Userengage · 26/06/2025 12:55

Unless your three children are 2 year old triplets, go!

CatherinedeBourgh · 26/06/2025 12:52

I have family abroad so I regularly go on holiday with dc without dh - in fact just came back from one.

Much better that everyone who goes wants to than that someone is putting up with it on sufferance.

Holluschickie · 26/06/2025 12:51

Go on your own.