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Original poster

Partnees ex wants to take child to America to live.

117 replies

Jamaisy82 · 26/06/2025 12:29

My partner in which we have a two year old child together has another daughter from a previous relationship who is 8. He plays an active role in her life and have a great relationship and has been there since day one and ever since. He used to have her one week on one week off and now it's every weekend as the ex changed this. She now has a new partner who lives in America and wants to take his daughter there to live, obviously my partner has said no as this means he would never see her. She is now seeking full custody of his daughter and now he has to go to court. Has anyone been though similar. My partner is so depressed through this he's a really good guy and it's sad she would do this to him for her own selfish needs.

OP posts:
Original poster
Jamaisy82 · 26/06/2025 13:48

mathanxiety · 26/06/2025 13:43

She can get a fiancé visa, get married there, and she would be able to get a green card.

Your DP needs to start fighting this asap.

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He is at court he has a solicitor he is seeking custody he is doing everything he should obviously. 50 50 changed because her mother said it was too much swapping houses all the time which is affecting her behaviour. He has her Fri sat and sun every week so sees her often.

OP posts:
mathanxiety · 26/06/2025 13:46

Jamaisy82 · 26/06/2025 13:21

Yes I keep saying this to him all this stress, worry and court for nothing as she won't be allowed but she seems to think she will. But to want full custody is just so cruel.

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If you want to stop this, you have to go to court and just suck up the stress.

LemondrizzleShark · 26/06/2025 13:44

Jamaisy82 · 26/06/2025 13:40

No job offer, she says she wants to work as a nurse there though. We have no idea. It's all so weird. Her reasons aren't valid.

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UK nursing qualifications don’t convert to US nursing qualifications (the training pathway over there is significantly tougher). She’ll have to go back to nursing school to take a four year US BSN degree, so that doesn’t sound like realistic option.

Original poster
Jamaisy82 · 26/06/2025 13:44

DrowningInSyrup · 26/06/2025 13:39

I could not disagree more. She is talking about moving to a new continent and separating her daughter from her father, this is not in the best interests of the child. My daughter would be devastated if I tried to pull this, especially to follow a man that I & she barely knew. It's outrageously unreasonable and the most selfish thing I've heard of on here. If a man was suggesting this everyone would be down on him like a ton of bricks.

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Exactly, she has been happy for him to be part of her life since she was born and has always played an active role taking her to all the kids parties from school, parents evening etc. It's only now. His daughter absolutely loves her father and her little sister and this would devastate them. It's only happened now because he says he doenst agree to the move. She is now saying he is a controlling individual, just because he is saying no to the move so is seeking custody. So nasty.

OP posts:
mathanxiety · 26/06/2025 13:43

Jamaisy82 · 26/06/2025 13:40

No job offer, she says she wants to work as a nurse there though. We have no idea. It's all so weird. Her reasons aren't valid.

Show quote history

She can get a fiancé visa, get married there, and she would be able to get a green card.

Your DP needs to start fighting this asap.

mathanxiety · 26/06/2025 13:42

Lafufufu · 26/06/2025 12:40

He used to have her one week on one week off and now it's every weekend as the ex changed this

Why did he give up 50/50 custody??? If she decided to change it why did he not go to court?
Why are you on the internet trying to solve his problems and why isnt he?

he needs to stop wasting time "feeling sad" and actually take some action to stop it / fight it

Edited

This.

He needs to find an experienced solicitor and start fighting this.

Original poster
Jamaisy82 · 26/06/2025 13:40

Choppedcoriander · 26/06/2025 13:36

How will the mum get a visa? It’s hard to immigrate into the US. Does she have a job offer?

No job offer, she says she wants to work as a nurse there though. We have no idea. It's all so weird. Her reasons aren't valid.

OP posts:
DrowningInSyrup · 26/06/2025 13:39

PhilippaGeorgiou · 26/06/2025 12:55

Whatever the legal position, that is uncalled for. There is no more evidence that the ex has taken up with some "random man" than that the OP is some "random woman"; and equally they may provide just as stable a home as the OP and her partner. Wanting a new life, regardless of geography, is not selfish. Doesn't mean it will happen. Nor does it mean that it's fair. But the ex has as much right as he does to make a new life for herself. For all he may care, he didn't care enough to fight to maintain the 50/50 split. But if he (and the OP) want to step up to full time then they should argue for that.

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I could not disagree more. She is talking about moving to a new continent and separating her daughter from her father, this is not in the best interests of the child. My daughter would be devastated if I tried to pull this, especially to follow a man that I & she barely knew. It's outrageously unreasonable and the most selfish thing I've heard of on here. If a man was suggesting this everyone would be down on him like a ton of bricks.

Shitmonger · 26/06/2025 13:36

Does the mum even have a realistic chance of moving to the US? They don’t allow people to just swan over because they want to and have an American boyfriend.

Choppedcoriander · 26/06/2025 13:36

How will the mum get a visa? It’s hard to immigrate into the US. Does she have a job offer?

MrsSkylerWhite · 26/06/2025 13:35

CopperWhite · 26/06/2025 12:36

He can apply to the court to prevent this move with a prohibited steps order, and if he can prove he has been an active and involved parent, he will probably win.

Good.

QuickPeachPoet · 26/06/2025 13:33

I hope your DP gets full custody and that lovely little girl can have a happy settled family life with her dad, you and her little half sister.
I doubt, given your partner's involvement in her life, that a court will allow her to take the kid to America. He needs to forget about the mother's feelings and file for full custody now.

Imbusytodaysorry · 26/06/2025 13:33

mindutopia · 26/06/2025 12:38

If I were him, I would firstly apply for a prohibited steps order.

And secondly, I would make the offer that she lives with me full time. Her mother is very welcome to go trotting off to live with whatever random man wherever, but my child would have a stable familiar home with me while she did that.

This.
@Jamaisy82 This the route I’d go down
mum keeps cutting contact now what’s it take daughter to America that’s why she is alot img for full residency .
You counter apply for full residency as mum doesn’t have child’s best interests at heart here .

Everythingtastesbetterwithcheese · 26/06/2025 13:32

My DH did take his ex to court recently to stop her doing exactly this, only it was 200 miles away to the North of england not USA. It was pretty straightforward as the onus is on her to show there is advantage to the child to move away and like your situation, DH exW wanted to move to be near a boyfriend. The more evidence you can gather to show it will negatively affect his daughter the better eg impacting her education, loosing contact with wider family. Obviously things like being nearer family great job offer etc would go in her favour, however if its just she wants to be near her boyfriend I think he has no worries. DH case was over in about 10 minutes and she was unsuccessful to move.

Original poster
Jamaisy82 · 26/06/2025 13:29

PhilippaGeorgiou · 26/06/2025 13:27

(a) That is not what you said in the OP and I am always rather dubious of drip feeds
(b) I wasn't addressing you anyway - I was responding to a poster who made all sorts of assumptions about a woman without anything to back them up.

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I understand as I didnt put everything in feed. There's so much.

OP posts:
PhilippaGeorgiou · 26/06/2025 13:27

Jamaisy82 · 26/06/2025 12:59

I'd say taking a child away from a happy life in the UK with family etc just to live with a man she has just met a couple of times is selfish.

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(a) That is not what you said in the OP and I am always rather dubious of drip feeds
(b) I wasn't addressing you anyway - I was responding to a poster who made all sorts of assumptions about a woman without anything to back them up.

grumpygrape · 26/06/2025 13:26

OP, his solicitor should be advising him she is incredibly unlikely to be allowed to do this but also that she isn't making child focused thinking to even suggest it as a possibility.
If you and he would be happy to request a 'live with' Court Order then he should be pursuing that.

dreamingbohemian · 26/06/2025 13:22

No they don't always get custody!

I've known several women in UK (and elsewhere Europe) who ended up stuck here after a split because they knew no chance of taking child out of country (and they were even Americans)

Original poster
Jamaisy82 · 26/06/2025 13:21

PrepStarRunner · 26/06/2025 13:18

Both the US and UK are signatories of the Hague convention. What she is proposing is incredibly unlikely.

Yes I keep saying this to him all this stress, worry and court for nothing as she won't be allowed but she seems to think she will. But to want full custody is just so cruel.

OP posts:
Original poster
Jamaisy82 · 26/06/2025 13:19

dreamingbohemian · 26/06/2025 13:16

She's not going to get a visa for the US so it's moot anyway, and I can't imagine any UK court allowing it.

Yes this is what I keep telling him. He's done everything he can for now through courts and solicitors etc he just keeps saying the mother always gets custody don't they? Just a shame it happens to a father that has always bothered and would love her full time if she wants to move to america alone.

OP posts:
PrepStarRunner · 26/06/2025 13:18

Both the US and UK are signatories of the Hague convention. What she is proposing is incredibly unlikely.

dreamingbohemian · 26/06/2025 13:16

She's not going to get a visa for the US so it's moot anyway, and I can't imagine any UK court allowing it.

Original poster
Jamaisy82 · 26/06/2025 13:15

InterIgnis · 26/06/2025 13:12

The chances of her being able to do this without the consent of the father are slim.

He would be best served employing the services of a family law solicitor. He needs to put it into writing to her that he does not give permission for her to do this. I’m assuming he has done this, as it’s going to court. He also needs to apply for a prohibited steps order.

Yes he has done this. It's a long process and he just feels so sad by it all. He's gutted. He has a very strong bond with his daughter amd brought her up mainly alone from a baby as her mam has alot of issues and he tried to help as much as he could.

OP posts:
Original poster
Jamaisy82 · 26/06/2025 13:13

TheNightingalesStarling · 26/06/2025 13:09

IANAL or been through this,but a man shes only met a couple of times isn't a boyfriend. Shes either very naive or delusional.

Yeah she says in court order new man is great emotional support as plays Minecraft online with her daughter every week on a Sunday night.
She has alot of mental health issues which have been taken into account.

OP posts:
InterIgnis · 26/06/2025 13:12

The chances of her being able to do this without the consent of the father are slim.

He would be best served employing the services of a family law solicitor. He needs to put it into writing to her that he does not give permission for her to do this. I’m assuming he has done this, as it’s going to court. He also needs to apply for a prohibited steps order.