To think the real reason people push for marriage and kids is that they’re terrified of being alone with themselves?

Many people frame it as positive reasons 'I really love them and want to spend my life with them' whereas a more honest framing might be more ' I love you, can tolerate you well and bing with you saves me from facing my own self in solitude'. Clearly the 2nd maybe more honest and self aware but less attractive to partners!

Yes this. Instantly recogniseable.

Got with the other half at 15 and we had our first child at 16. Miles away from the "biological clock" and wasn't lonely at all. Just something we always wanted.

If family life isn't for you fair enough but some people genuinely do just want it

Nothing wrong with not wanting to be alone. But what is concerning are some of the decisions people make to, in their minds, ensure they will not be alone. Some people do indeed have children because they expect those kids to care for them in person when they are elderly.

Ya I don't get it.

It's a combination of ALL of those things, to varying degrees, and there are also varying degrees of a conscious attempt to ponder what makes one wish to be in a relationship, stay in one, and have kids. Some people spend more time analysing why they do things (and being honest about those reasons) than others. Frankly most people haven't got a clue why they act the way they do - they may think they understand why, but if they got therapy and did the work that goes into analysis they'd likely uncover some reasons they had never contemplated.

What is truly sad is that there are people out there who are happy to admit that they have kids because they want someone to look after them in old age, and/or want a little "best friend". Essentially they birthed what they view as being their own future care service. I feel very sad for children who are viewed in those terms and know that their parent created them mostly so they would be cheap labour and perform nursing duties. Anyone who thinks that way shouldn't be having kids.

For anyone out there who is a child who was expected to behave as a carer: RUN! Go live your life! You don't owe anyone anything! The world is your oyster - go experience all the amazing stuff it has to offer. And for any parents out there who had kids because they wanted a carer/someone to talk to: shame on you.

I do think there are people who do it because that's the done thing, rather than it being their heart's desire. And yes, I would think the majority have some degree of fear/sorrow at the thought of being alone, particularly when young.

What exactly is wrong with not wanting to live alone forever? It's fine if that is what you prefer and fine if not.

Humans are pack animals and want/need to form units of various kinds with other human beings, and an urge to have a partner and possibly children comes from a deep place for many of us. It would be surprising and impractical in multiple ways if everyone decided to live alone. Some people do prefer to, either because they especially appreciate all the upsides that being alone offers, or because of having had bad experiences of being in a couple.

Agree. The OP seems to think she’s giving us the gift of some great insightful social commentary.
People are generally social creatures. Many don’t want to be alone, and would rather have someone to share their life with. Other people are happy to be alone. That’s hardly earth shattering news.

You know what I like most about marriage? Watching" The Gold" together as we did yesterday.
I can do it alone. But it's not as fun.
I do a lot of solo stuff. I take some holidays on my own, go to the theatre on my own, walk alone...But I want both.

Aren’t a wish for a family and a fear of being alone just two sides of the same coin?

I don’t think you are saying anything particularly insightful. yes of course many people are social creatures who prefer to have company. We are pretty much built that way

Some peoples.

Well yeah, everyone has different motivations for doing things so I’m sure there are some people in the world who did it for the reasons you describe.

So what is your own situation then OP?

Either fear of being alone, or social pressure, are two entirely separate motivations.

It's entirely normal to fear being alone and to do things to avoid it. Humans are hardwired to feel discomfort at being outside the tribe. However there are many many ways of achieving inclusion without getting married or having children, and many people are very happily doing those things.

Getting married and having children due to perceived social pressure does have the potential to lead to unhappiness, of course. I don't know how strong that pressure is any more? Only around half my friends have children, and even fewer are married. They don't want those things so didn't do them.

Yes, OP, you’re one of the tiny minority who got married and had children for the right reasons. The rest of us randomly grabbed the nearest person, like a game of marital musical chairs, and were practically grabbing our babies out of the birth canal, crying ‘Now I will never be alone again!’

Not wanting to be alone is a perfectly legitimate reason to enter a relationship.

I mean, that's the main reason people have friends.

The time I was loneliest was when I was married to my XH.