My boyfriend is going back and forth with his ex fling.

this has to be one of the most frustrating posters on mumsnet.

You should definitely stick with him. The drama sounds really exciting! Lucky you!

The wording, the endless questions, the non stop ‘but whys’ - this is all sounding very very familiar.

You need a new hobby OP

You’ve only been together a short time and you’ve ended up in a relationship where someone treats you like an option and not a priority, where you’ve both breached boundaries (him with contacting her and you with checking his phone) and when presented with clear evidence of him discussing meeting her you’ve given the impression his behaviour would be acceptable if he was using her to boost his ego and didn’t have feelings for her. In addition to all that he’s clearly not that nice if he speaks to someone that way. Once you’ve ended this please take some time off dating and work on your self esteem and understanding of healthy relationships.

Having read most of this OP must be about 14 no adult woman could possibly think they were a girlfriend in this situation. You mean nothing to him who cares what she means

Im really sorry OP. I think you’d be better off rid.

The first sentence tells me everything there is to know. “my man if 6 months is going back and forth with an ex”

it’s not your man

Doesn't matter really. He's clearly entertaining her and that should be your clue to let him go, as he doesn't seem fully invested in your relationship. 6 months is too soon for this drama - you should be all over each other still.

It doesn't matter which you are, current ex or future ex. He's awful.

@Jakielove I know it is a cliche but i really suggest you get some attachment focused therapy.

Insecurity and intrigue and trying to work out what’s really going on and whether he likes you or her whilst you completely have missed the bigger picture about his suitability and how secure he actually makes you feel and what it would actually be like trying to have a long term relationship with him makes me suspect you have developed a preoccupied insecure attachment pattern which would be really helpful for you to explore and understand.

You deserve to feel valued and secure in relationships.

Of course or he wouldn't be replying or ringing her. If she is really just an ex fling (whatever that is) he would have moved on completely.

Unless she is edwardian and keeps a man servant maybe

Anyway, it does sound quite strange op. I'd also feel uncomfortable with it

Stop embarrassing yourself.

You’re obviously the ex. Who knows if he has feelings for you, he probably just wants a shag behind his current girlfriend’s back.

Get some self respect!

Op he wants sex with his ex and still got feelings for her...she still has feelings for him. If neither wanted sex etc they block each other ....does that help seeing it in black and white. Get rid and move on . You deserve better than someone who's playing two maybe three woman at the same time. Get a sti test too

You've repeatedly posted asking us why he's doing this. Do we think he has feelings? Why is he contacting his "ex fling"...why why why. You've had answers but you gloss over what everyone is saying and go straight back to obsessing over him.

1. A fling ....you're minimising their relationship. They had a relationship
2. You call him My man. He's not your man. He's just a man you're having a fling with?
3. He's into her.....and you and maybe a girl he met yesterday
4. You seem to be unable to let go.
5. You seem the one obsessed over a fling and not moving on
6. You are his back up in case he can't reignite that fling.

Read your posts back. Take a breath. Hold your head high and walk away from him.

You do not need a relationship. It doesn't define you. It should be a nice thing in your life not a source of angst or pain. Wait until you love yourself enough to not put up with shite from those that don’t or can't love you as you deserve.

Because she’s the ex! She wants him to have feelings.

Now I know you’re the ex.

There was another poster last year who was in the same situation. Would pretend to be the girlfriend but was really the ex wanting to know if feelings were still there. Having so much easy access to messages was one massive clue…as well as the constant “does he have feelings?”

You’re the ex aren’t you? And you want us to say he has feelings for you?

I think You both should leave this guy alone.

“WaltzingWaters · Today 06:23

My god, have some self respect and end this.
Every scenario you’ve painted here isn’t good.
If he’s not interested in her and after an ego boost - no good. He’ll always want that ego boost from other women.
If he’s not interested in her he’s being a dickhead to both her and you. Stringing you both along.
He’s agreed to meet up with her and will cheat on you. Even if he doesn’t, he shouldn’t be interested in messaging her at all if he’s interested in you.
End it and find someone who wants YOU.”

This with bells on. This man is bad for you. He’s interested in his ex in some way or other and clearly doesn’t really care about you. He’s also really mean to her and about her which suggests he’s not a nice guy. This man is not the one for you, OP - he sounds toxic and dysfunctional.

Ok but he doesn’t sound that into you either if he is acting like that. Sorry if it sounds harsh. Find someone better

From what you have posted OP, he is definitely interested in this other woman. He’s being rude to her to hide how he really feels so if she rejects him, he can pretend he doesn’t care and didn’t like her anyway. It sounds like he isn’t hiding this from you which to me is very disturbing as it indicates a lack of respect and care for you and your feelings. This man is not a keeper. I would stop trying to shape a narrative that makes him innocent and put yourself first and get rid of him.

Who cares what his reasons are. Have some dignity and ditch him.

Why are you wasting your time?

You lost me at "my man".

Which he isn't.

The only mistake being made is you putting up with this guy.
If you were in a committed relationship with each other he wouldn't be responding to her shit, let alone commenting on pictures, her long feet??
He sounds as if he's got other problems going on, he sounds about 13.
-That is probably doing some 13 year olds a deservice though.