My boyfriend is going back and forth with his ex fling.

Good grief.

OP - if this guy was really serious about you, he wouldn't be flirting with anyone else. He would have told her he wasn't interested and then either not responded or blocked her.

If you are not serious about him and have other irons in the fire, then it doesn't really matter in the long run.

But if you are regarding him as a long-term partner, then you are barking up the wrong tree. This will keep on happening, both with her and other women.

You are not his “one”. You are good enough for now nothing more. Don’t be an option. It’s demeaning and you clearly need better boundaries. Even if he has a golden penis and a billion pounds just chuck this one back.

If this is right, why on earth would you want to be with someone who keeps messaging his ex for a ego boost?

I’ve read all your posts and you sound desperate for him to not have feeling for her and it all be innocent so that you can have your fairytale ending. I promise you you are not going to get any kind of happy ending with this man. Regardless of what he feels about her, he’s clearly enjoying the attention from her. He’s playing games with both of you. This is not the behaviour of a nice man. Block him and walk away. Find your dignity.

It's sad, but it's what happens when someone has learned their value lies in the estimation of others. They do all sorts of mental gymnastics to try to explain why 'it's me he cares about really'.

Rather than understanding that when someone acts badly, it says nothing about you, and everything about them.

Getting rid of people like this man is one way to begin gaining genuine self-worth, that doesn't require the validation of others.

I'm sorry but you asking over and over again how he feels about her is just tragic. Clearly he's still interested in her or he wouldn't be communicating with her. But that's not even the point! You're looking for excuses for behaviour that isn't excusable. Get some self respect please!!

But if this is correct, why is he messaging her? Why reply? Would he be ok with you messaging an ex?

Op when you date someone it’s to see if they have the same values as you or if the values are at least compatible.

This man clearly likes the attention of this woman. I call that ‘liking smoke up your arse’.

If I didn’t like someone I wouldn’t respond. I would block them. If I wanted to be kind I would tell them why. Then I’d block and focus on my es relationship - if I had one. I wouldn’t keep her dangling on a string hoping for ego kibbles so I know I’m desirable. It’s really not sexy needing ego kibbles from someone I had supposedly dumped, (in my opinion).

If he can’t self soothe, gain happiness from within and if he lies - he is not relationship material.

Tellkngvuiu she was a virgin - what’s that about- why tell you that? No doubt because it matters to him.

Dumo him op. He’s a loser. And it’s clear he has his foot had in and half out of your relationship and other relationships. Men like this are ten a penny.

Indeed. She’ll be back saying but whyyyyyyyyyyyy did he shag her?’

And still adding ‘he doesn’t even like her’ on repeat

Its like trying to have a discussion with a brick wall

That makes it WORSE.

And does it really matter if he likes her or hates her? Does he like you? Not enough to stop upsetting you.

I suspect the only one he really loves is himself.

OP, you don't seem to understand that it doesn't matter what his feelings for her are. He doesn't care about YOU, otherwise he wouldn't be acting this way.

when he has sex with another woman, will you really care what it 'means' and what he feels about her? Because he WILL have sex with another woman at some point if he's acting like this already.

That's by the by. Why are you still even entertaining a relationship with this absolute waste of space??

So why is he texting her when it upsets his girlfriend?

Ok let’s really break this down

Possible explanations for his communication with her are
a.) he likes her and is talking about meeting her etc because he still cares about her and would like something to happen
or
b.) he doesn’t like her but will use her for attention and an ego boost despite being in a relationship with you.

What that means for you. If you remain in the relationship with him you accept
a.) having a partner who is acting on feelings he has for someone despite being in a relationship with you, and therefore could betray your trust again in the future if he has feelings for someone else then
or
b.) having a partner who you accept will sometimes speak to other women to feel better about himself and could betray your trust again in the future or take things even further if he starts out seeking an ego boost then develops feelings for someone.

So are you happy with the above? Is that what you accept for yourself in terms of your relationship?

I predict you'll be starting many threads in future saying 'but whyyyyyyyyy .... ?'

We've told you why. He's an arse.

You deserve better.

Honestly just get out of this. I know it’s hard when you’re in it and you’re wanting to give him the benefit of the doubt. But whichever way he spins it, he does not sound a nice guy. I’m a lot older than you and I really don’t mean any of this is a patronising way. I have a DD and if she came to me I’d be saying the same thing. The fact is you’ve only been together six months. He’s messaging his ex. You’re wondering if he likes the ego boost. He has told she is obsessed with him and he dislikes her yet he still responds. He responds to be ‘nice’. It doesn’t make sense to me at all. Why doesn’t he just stop replying to her? Life does not have to be this complicated. Would he be ok with you messaging an ex in this way? I doubt it. You are quite young and you need to work out what lines you will draw that people shouldn’t cross. I think this is one of them. I also think you’ve posted on here because your gut is telling you his behaviour is not ok. Listen to it. Good luck.

Of all the men out there what on earth has he got going for him that males you so desperate for the scraps he throws your way? Being totally honest do you hate yourself that much? There is no way to dress this up to make it look pretty

Sounds like he doesn't like her at all but certainly likes the ego boost. He seems immature as hell though if he's doing this at all, so it's still very much a reason not to waste time on him.

The poor ex fling making an utter fool of herself though, jesus. At least you're not her... Right?!

If this is an ego boost do you realise how he is ' boosting his ego'? It's by having two women he can string along. You can only do something about your own feelings. If you are happy to be with a man who is happy talking to someone he hates, presumably to wind you up (because you are clearly unhappy about it but he carries on) go ahead. What ' mistake ' would you possibly make? To dump a man who has no respect for you?

No ‘us guys’ did not say that!

We don’t think he hates her at all. Far from it! He is a cheat in waiting of he hasn’t already cheated on you.

I never say this but you’re coming off as a troll now, no one can be THIS stupid!

Staying with him would be the mistake.

He likes the attention. A man like this will never be loyal to you because he thinks that his need for attention is more important than your need for security and a partner who respects you as his partner. The mental contortions you’re going through on this thread alone in order to justify his behaviour show how unhappy the relationship is making you, and will continue to make you. Have some self respect and end it. You don’t need to tell him why. In fact it would be better if you didn’t tell him why, as you’re clearly susceptible to whatever bullshit he might spin to try to change your mind.

it is better to be single and have standards for how other people can treat you, than to be in a quasi-“relationship” with a tool who does what he wants when he wants and expects you to take it (because you do take it). Move on. Be more discerning.

Look OP it's your choice. I can see you're desperate to find a way to believe things are ok, wanting to believe the best. But if you accept crumbs from this guy that's all you'll ever get.

There are good, decent men who would never do this to you. If you stay with your boyfriend (who will string you along, disrespect you and be unfaithful to you), you'll never have the opportunity to find someone who actually likes you and cares about you and who would never behave so cruelly.

Carry on accepting this inadequate man's crumbs if you want to, but do so knowing you're choosing someone who will always treat you badly.

At this point I’m starting to think you’re a troll because it’s hard to believe anyone could be this naive. Unless you’re not the age you’re saying you are and are still a teen.