My boyfriend is going back and forth with his ex fling.

He’s just a player.
Don't be played.

It seems like he doesn’t particularly like her either. Im not sure he’s capable of properly liking anyone. Now stop thinking about it. He’s a horrible person who doesn’t deserve to have you thinking about him. You keep going back to this idea about whether or not he likes her, I get that you’ve had this playing on your mind for ages and it’s hard to let go. You need to get to the point where it doesn’t matter to you even if he does like her, he was mistreating you and you don’t put up with that. He’s not a nice guy. You need to stop obsessing over this. Even if he doesn’t like her, he was still happy to keep stringing her along to boost his ego, just as he was with you. You’ve done well to get rid of him.

He's a horrible cunt with no respect for you. Does that help?

If he doesn't like her, why ask her to spend time with him on Saturday?

It certainly seems that way. Don’t be surprised if he goes straight into a relationship with her now, it’s an easy option for him to get his ego boost. I do understand why it still matters to you that he doesn’t like her, even when you’ve realised he doesn’t really like you either. It hurts less to think that he’s treated you both badly than it does to think that he prefers her. For your own good, stop letting the pair of them live rent free in your head. I know it’s hard, but try to convince yourself that it doesn’t matter if he does like her. You don’t like him. That’s the important bit. He’s a dickhead and you’re free of him. You need to do something to take your mind off him. Can you plan to meet up with friends?

He doesn't LIKE either of you. He is a very young man putting it about and having a fantastic time having two (as far as you know, there may be more) very young women tying themselves in knots to get his attention. He must think Christmas is here early.

Well done for ending it. He's an immature unreliable selfish twit.

Now spend some time on YOU. Build your self esteem, self worth. Do things that aren't centred on men and what they may or may not be thinking.

You really do remind me of a girl who asked me and a friend about blow jobs, she honestly couldn't understand why it was called a blow job when there was no actual blowing involved!

This is your relationship, lots of blowing, but its just wind, no satisfaction!

I'm afraid I really don't believe you've ended it OP, you're still far too invested in what he feels and what they're going to do together, WHY?

Just make the bloody break, and be done with the manipulative arsehole, or stop posting about it, as all you're doing is repeating yourself, you asked for help, lots of people have told you what to do, and yet you're still here, asking the same questions.

Sorry, but I've run out of patience with this one! I'm out of here!

I don’t think he particularly likes either of you. He certainly doesn’t respect either of you. Stop dwelling on what he does or doesn’t feel about her. He’s no prize. Tell yourself she’s welcome to him. You don’t want him. You don’t want anyone who doesn’t value you enough to not be dicking around messaging other women. You are worth more than that. I know it’s hard, but try to stop thinking about him and her. Think about you. Think about what you’re going to do with your life. You matter, they do not.

OP - are you reading the advice people are giving you?

Your responses don't seem to have anything to do with what we're saying?

Stop focusing on your ex and this woman, just look after yourself.

But most importantly, you won’t be getting played anymore. Stop screwing yourself up over why he likes her, if he liked her that much he’d be with her. If he liked you that much, he wouldn’t be messaging her. The truth is he’s not that bothered about either of you and is just enjoying the feeling of two women wanting him, you’re an ego boost and nothing more.

Block all contact with him so you’re not tempted to get drawn back in. Now that you’ve ended it he’ll likely come chasing after you, not because it’s you he wants, but because he doesn’t like that you had the audacity to end it, that’s bad for his ego, he was supposed to be the one to end it.

Take some time to focus on yourself. I know it sounds cliche, but maybe try reading a few self help books. I don’t know why you think these measly scraps he was throwing you are all you deserve in a relationship, but you have very low self confidence and unfortunately nasty men will prey upon that. You deserve to be with someone who treasures you. But first of all you need to build some confidence just being on your own. Another cliche, learn to love yourself first.

Well done for taking a positive step and getting this nasty user out of your life. Now focus on doing something nice for yourself, you deserve a treat. Doesn’t have to cost, an evening binge watching your favourite show can be very comforting. Good luck for the future OP.

Again - kindly - that isn't your concern.

Don't try and mind read other people - it's just such a waste of your time and energy.

Focus on yourself, on taking care of yourself and getting stronger.

OP - you'll be tying yourself up in knots if you try to figure out his motives.

Gently and kindly - he isn't worth that time or effort. You'll never understand why he's behaved as he's done.

Well done for having the strength to end things - now it's time to look after yourself, take some time to feel sad then work on processing the break up and moving on.

OP is this the same man you posted about in December that you were worried was messing you about then?

@Jakielove I think you need to stay with this guy. You clearly need to learn to lesson yourself - the hard way. Just try not to have a baby with him Good luck!

OP, you clearly don't understand sarcasm, as when 'Agix' said 'The poor ex fling making an utter fool of herself though, jesus. At least you're not her... Right?!' She didn't mean it, she was actually taking the piss out of you, for being such an idiot! However, you actually chose to believe that she was serious, and clung onto her words, thinking that you're the sensible one, and the Ex is the fool.

If you had a friend, or a sister in this position, what advice would you give them OP?

There's an undercurrent of the OP thinking that he couldn't possibly want the other girl because she is XYZ or doing XYZ - and that all everyone has to do is play by the rules.

And that there is some moral obligation or divine justice which means that she, the OP, should have this guy as her partner.

That's not how relationships work. All that has to happen is that they are up for each other. The fact that mutual friends, cousins, the world at large think that they're a bad match doesn't matter.

He's not that bothered about the OP (but she makes it easy for him to have both hanging around after him, waiting for the crumbs); and he's not going to be 'in trouble' for making what she thinks is obviously the wrong choice.

Yeah you're definitely not real after that comment. Fucking hell.

What are you actually serious? There is one person hanging around like a puppy after a bone, can you really not notice the desperation?