Active discussions

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

sM terror

40 replies

Princesssuperstar · 25/06/2025 21:10

Met someone new... (7mth) I've met his kids and they live me and yes I love them too but in not mum and they're trying to make me. I've been honest " I'm not mum, you have one"
I love the kids but I'm worried

OP posts:
New posts on this thread. Refresh page
FrodoBiggins · 29/06/2025 16:04

AnneLovesGilbert · 29/06/2025 00:14

So he’s new but you’ve known him 12 years. And you’ve been together 7 months and 2 years. Righto.

Don't forget "known them for 3yrs before the relationship"

Petrovaposy · 29/06/2025 00:26

Princesssuperstar · 25/06/2025 23:01

That's my worry... Been there, done that and not really wanting to do it again.

Show quote history

Well then I don’t think this relationship will work. He has his kids full time. If you live with them, they will start seeing you as mum. You will be their step mum, you can’t reject that role, it isn’t fair on them.

If you don’t want to be a mother figure, you can't live with them. Back off, live in your own home, be distant partners if you like and have them call you ‘Aunty’, but don’t move in until they are adults if you don’t want to be a parental figure.

AnneLovesGilbert · 29/06/2025 00:14

So he’s new but you’ve known him 12 years. And you’ve been together 7 months and 2 years. Righto.

MrsTerryPratchett · 29/06/2025 00:12

Princesssuperstar · 28/06/2025 23:19

I've known them for 12 yr due to our youngests being born days apart so always at MU at same time. She left and we have been together 2yr but we do not live together. They shout yey mummy princess superstar is here. I always correct and say you have a mummy already but dad says it's an honour they see me and love me enough to call me that.

Show quote history

7 months or 2 years?

Those poor children sound emotionally desperate. Family therapy. Him, the children, hopefully mum. Not you.

GarlicMile · 29/06/2025 00:06

OK, if they call you "Mummy YourName", I can see there's some potential awkwardness but it's not the same as just calling you Mum. It's quite sweet of them - from a child's point of view, they're paying you a massive compliment.

I'd be very, very wary of finding yourself with all the parental responsibility though. Is this what's worrying you?

Givenupshopping · 28/06/2025 23:57

Princesssuperstar · 25/06/2025 21:10

Met someone new... (7mth) I've met his kids and they live me and yes I love them too but in not mum and they're trying to make me. I've been honest " I'm not mum, you have one"
I love the kids but I'm worried

So in spite of your update OP, it's still not clear, you say in your OP that 'I love the kids but I'm worried', what exactly are you looking for from this thread?

Original poster
Princesssuperstar · 28/06/2025 23:19

Givenupshopping · 25/06/2025 23:58

Maybe I've misunderstood your situation OP, so perhaps you can clarify things for me? Do you already live with this guy?

If the kids have known you for 3 years, then they clearly know that you're not their Mum, so why not just say 'Sam, you know I'm not your Mum, you see her twice a week, but I am your friend, and you can talk to me about anything you like'.

Also, please can you explain what you meant when you said:

'So if rather get with a man that has no intentions
.. I know this man is a good father and loves his kids! If have a man like that than a no-one

Perhaps you could explain what you DO want out of the relationship as at this stage nothing seems very clear?

I've known them for 12 yr due to our youngests being born days apart so always at MU at same time. She left and we have been together 2yr but we do not live together. They shout yey mummy princess superstar is here. I always correct and say you have a mummy already but dad says it's an honour they see me and love me enough to call me that.

OP posts:
Givenupshopping · 25/06/2025 23:58

Maybe I've misunderstood your situation OP, so perhaps you can clarify things for me? Do you already live with this guy?

If the kids have known you for 3 years, then they clearly know that you're not their Mum, so why not just say 'Sam, you know I'm not your Mum, you see her twice a week, but I am your friend, and you can talk to me about anything you like'.

Also, please can you explain what you meant when you said:

'So if rather get with a man that has no intentions
.. I know this man is a good father and loves his kids! If have a man like that than a no-one

Perhaps you could explain what you DO want out of the relationship as at this stage nothing seems very clear?

ElixirOfLife · 25/06/2025 23:23

And that, said Mummy, was that!

Original poster
Princesssuperstar · 25/06/2025 23:10

Foreverm0re · 25/06/2025 23:08

Of course she can love them after 7 months. What ridiculous replies.

Thank you
And for the haters I knew them for years before. So I'm not a stranger

OP posts:
Foreverm0re · 25/06/2025 23:08

Of course she can love them after 7 months. What ridiculous replies.

Original poster
Princesssuperstar · 25/06/2025 23:08

FrodoBiggins · 25/06/2025 23:06

I don't think that's long enough OP 😂

Show quote history

I meant yrs

OP posts:
Original poster
Princesssuperstar · 25/06/2025 23:07

RedNine · 25/06/2025 23:05

Are his children adults like yours are, just checking.

Oldest yeah but youngest is 8

OP posts:
HelenCurlyBrown · 25/06/2025 23:06

I assume you meant ‘yrs’ not ‘hrs’ 😂, but slow down. Back off. Those poor kids don’t need this.

FrodoBiggins · 25/06/2025 23:06

Princesssuperstar · 25/06/2025 22:59

I knew them many hrs before

Show quote history

I don't think that's long enough OP 😂

Original poster
Princesssuperstar · 25/06/2025 23:06

RaininSummer · 25/06/2025 22:35

If he has then 24/7 then he no doubt is seeking a replacement mum figure. Be sure what you want before you become a big part of those children's lives.

Thank you. 1st plat without being bashed. He has them 24/7 and I knew that but things developed. No kids being hurt etc yet still get hate unfortunately. I take other kids but other way and I'm the wicked one

OP posts:
RedNine · 25/06/2025 23:05

Are his children adults like yours are, just checking.

RedNine · 25/06/2025 23:04

Hmmmm ok. It's really not good, the boyfriend should be reinforcing that you are not mummy, and that you could be a good friend to the children.

Tartanboots · 25/06/2025 23:02

I would back right off, you'll end up trapped with him because you don't want to upset the kids. Poor kids.

Original poster
Princesssuperstar · 25/06/2025 23:01

Princesssuperstar · 25/06/2025 23:00

Elder..... My son is 21

Show quote history

That's my worry... Been there, done that and not really wanting to do it again.

OP posts:
RedNine · 25/06/2025 23:01

(any one else making the 😬face at the responses from the OP?)

Original poster
Princesssuperstar · 25/06/2025 23:00

RedNine · 25/06/2025 22:59

You have your own children?

Elder..... My son is 21

OP posts:
RedNine · 25/06/2025 22:59

You have your own children?

Original poster
Princesssuperstar · 25/06/2025 22:59

CaptainFuture · 25/06/2025 21:15

How old are they? You've met them after 7 months?!

I knew them many hrs before

OP posts:
Original poster
Princesssuperstar · 25/06/2025 22:57

Givenupshopping · 25/06/2025 22:32

Like I said, I think you need to back right off from his children until you're sure that the relationship is long term, as this is absolutely NOT fair on his kids. You say that she see's you with yours, and wants the same, why are you all getting together as families at such an early stage in a relationship. If you don't want to be a Mum to her, then stay away, as you'll end up doing this child untold damage by rejecting her, when her real Mum is also not up to the job of being a parent.

So if rather get with a man that has no intentions
.. I know this man is a good father and loves his kids! If have a man like that than a no-one

OP posts: