Page 4 | Head teacher is a ****

Parentingisnotfortheweak · 2025-06-25T18:31:41+00:00

I need to know if I’m just being an asshole parent or if I should further a series of complaints…. after a particularly hard morning trying to get 2 kids (5 and 6) to school, whilst feeding animals, getting myself ready tested me. Youngest refused to get dressed so I did it for him! I had unfortunately put false nails on the night before, and whilst pulling his jumper on (in a rush!) I scratched him. There was no mark, there was no immediate crying. He told me I hurt him- I apologised. We moved on. However once he got to the school he decided he was upset and blanked me. His teacher asked if he was ok, and he told them I punched him in the face!! head teacher immediately called me at work and threatened me with social services BEFORE asking what the actual scenario was. I was understandably upset so she asked me to come in for a meeting. I attended - it was like a bloody counselling session, and towards the end she called both kids in and he admitted he lied and I hadn’t punched him but it was an accident. Headtezcher agrees this was all a misunderstanding and will not be reporting me! whilst I agree that these incidents need looking into - because a child could genuinely be in danger, surely to threaten a parent with social services immediately before investigating is absurd and damn right cruel? (For the record I have never had any involvement with SS, but have heard horror stories so naturally as a parent it worries you!) she promised me that she would finalise the paperwork an email it over- that has never come. fast forward 6 months to sports day (I was unable to attend) we were asked to fill out online forms for free school meals so that they could have a packed lunch from the school kitchen. I filled it in for both kids as I knew I wouldn’t be going so wouldn’t be sat with a picnic for them to join me with! BOTH of my children (and various others!) were not provided with lunch- and when approached by a friend of mine twice, the head teacher laughed it off and told her it was the parents fault as they hadn’t filled In the form. - she let both children go hungry after 3 hours of sports! I immediately sent an email asking for clarification as to what happened and she shot me down saying it’s my fault end of. I explained and she ignored the email for a week. So I re emailed and said I was still waiting- she told me she would facilitate a meeting if needed- still not answer. So at this point I requested the paper work from our prior meeting- which she assured me would be with me by the end of next week (this week now). I collected my children today to say they were both called into the head teachers office (alone) and were questioned about how happy they were at home and what their mum gets up to at home!!! AIBU to think wtf?! why are they being questioned AGAIN?!

Original poster

Parentingisnotfortheweak · 25/06/2025 22:38

Mama981 · 25/06/2025 22:25

That's how it should be, it seems what happened in OPs situation is an entire staff of the school let a child go hungry which is absolutely disgusting. We have to give the rubbish lunch because we are a preschool so are packed lunch only so have to put a lunch together from the snack and breakfast food if it comes to it!

Not just one child but around 20-
a rubbish lunch is better than no lunch, so please don’t kick yourself about that!
if I had genuinely forgotten to fill in the form, I would fully accept that my children would go hungry that day- and if the school couldn’t provide them with anything that is completely on me! It is the fact that despite being given evidence that my children required a meal(packed lunch) that day- even though the school would have fed them on any ordinary day (it was because it was sports day!) it just baffles me. To then project the blame onto me (and other parents but I can’t speak for them).

OP posts:

FTsammaz · 25/06/2025 22:38

This reply has been withdrawn

Post withdrawn at author's request

Jellycatspyjamas · 25/06/2025 22:36

every single one I have dealt with at the school has been wonderful, completely engaged with every child, knowing all of their perks, and working with them and their parents.

And yet you’re saying those same wonderful teachers let 20 children go hungry? Regardless of what the head teacher did or didn’t say a “wonderful teacher” wouldn’t let one child in their class miss lunch never mind 20.

80smonster · 25/06/2025 22:34

I put my hands into my kids summer dress (blazer and cardie underneath), to pull out the lapels and straighten it up. DD looked like Lurch with all the layers bungled up. I was accused of punching DD in both shoulders. I mean WTF?

Original poster

Parentingisnotfortheweak · 25/06/2025 22:32

Bobak · 25/06/2025 22:28

If you want to complain then complain, via the complaints policy at the school. Or stick it on social media.
seriously, use the complaints policy.

I agree- but on the school website there is no complaints procedure- just a letter that says complaints are welcome- signed off by the previous head teacher - who left over 2 years ago.

OP posts:

Original poster

Parentingisnotfortheweak · 25/06/2025 22:31

Mama981 · 25/06/2025 22:19

I work in early years and I really wish the primary schools would sort themselves out with things like this - you do not leave children with out lunch - doesn't matter who's fault, what parents should have done, you just don't do it. We have had parents forget the packed lunch, they get a phonecall asking if they can bring something down and if they are too far away the kids get a jam sandwhich, peice of fruit and a biscuit. Its always a one off or occasional thing, parents are usually very embarrased so we tell them it's not a problem and they always remember going forward.

Not the best lunch ever that we provide but why an earth would you let a child in your care have nothing? That's neglect from the person caring for them at lunch time not the parent and if your OK with that you shouldn't be working with kids. Rant over but I could go on, the fact they also let a lot of kids sunburn in primary schools disgusts me, primary kids are still little and should be properly cared for while in school.

Edited

I couldn’t agree more- as parents we are trusting the teachers, to look after them. I provide everything I can for my children to go to school- but I am absolutely a human being- I have been known to forget a water bottle as we are walking into school - I have no time to run back home, but I could if necessary- I explain to the teacher- oh fine- we have cups in the classroom they won’t go without. My children always have their own sun cream- oh one of them has decided to put extra sun cream on in the car and left it on the seat- I haven’t noticed- school call to tell me- oh cool my bad for not checking I’ll make sure it’s in their bag, but please use their siblings for today.
one time(I forgot about this but makes me chuckle as my kid is ALWAYS HUNGRY!!) when my child had just started school so had just turned 4, he said they hadn’t eaten breakfast- they had In fact eaten 2 different cereals in one bowl, a crepe and had asked for a snack on the way to school- thanks for checking- but he is indeed not starving! - if you want to give him an extra snack feel free,
he is just chancing what he can get because he knows you have a load of fruit in your room - and he will happily eat it all!!

OP posts:

funandsafe · 25/06/2025 22:29

Hotmoodle · 25/06/2025 21:52

I never said “no teacher would abuse a child” you would have to be pretty naive to think that. You’re a teacher and you said teachers would stand back and let this happen, and not all teachers are saints - so yes it’s concerning to think teachers that see this happen are not doing anything to stop it or help.

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Sigh. I know you didn’t. I was making the point that acknowledging something does / can happen doesn’t mean condoning that fact.

Bobak · 25/06/2025 22:28

If you want to complain then complain, via the complaints policy at the school. Or stick it on social media.
seriously, use the complaints policy.

Mama981 · 25/06/2025 22:28

OneFunBrickNewt · 25/06/2025 22:20

Now where I work, if a child forgets their packed lunch of course they have the school meal. Never been an issue.

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That's how it should be, it seems what happened in OPs situation is an entire staff of the school let a child go hungry which is absolutely disgusting. We have to give the rubbish lunch because we are a preschool so are packed lunch only so have to put a lunch together from the snack and breakfast food if it comes to it!

Thisweeksdrama · 25/06/2025 22:26

YANBU - she sounds awful

CinnamonJellyBeans · 25/06/2025 22:26

I think I would be very concerned that the HT has taken your children into her office to question them about what their mum does at home,

Surely it cannot be standard practice that a headteacher bring children into her office and solicits a disclosure?

I think I would take this further, via the governors.

Mama981 · 25/06/2025 22:25

That's how it should be, it seems what happened in OPs situation is an entire staff of the school let a child go hungry which is absolutely disgusting. We have to give the rubbish lunch because we are a preschool so are packed lunch only so have to put a lunch together from the snack and breakfast food if it comes to it!

Hotmoodle · 25/06/2025 22:24

OneFunBrickNewt · 25/06/2025 22:16

In 15 years plus of teaching, I can count on one hand colleagues who 'lie, manipulate, or pick on kids.' And I'd have some fingers to spare.

I'm not underpaid (£52k) and I don't consider myself a hero either, but I do a useful job to the very best of my abilites, not made easy by some (not all!) parents.

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“Zero trust for teachers” sounds like this poster is projecting. Surely you can say that about any profession, not all nurses and doctors are going round killing patients the same as police officers. Not all priests abuse kids not all people in government are corrupt useless overpaid twats

Plumnora · 25/06/2025 22:22

YANBU she sounds horrific! I think you need to contact your LEA and clearly explain everything that's happened, your concerns and that you feel you're being targeted.

mumofoneAlonebutokay · 25/06/2025 22:22

OneFunBrickNewt · 25/06/2025 22:16

In 15 years plus of teaching, I can count on one hand colleagues who 'lie, manipulate, or pick on kids.' And I'd have some fingers to spare.

I'm not underpaid (£52k) and I don't consider myself a hero either, but I do a useful job to the very best of my abilites, not made easy by some (not all!) parents.

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Honestly ive had the most awful experiences of teachers - I've just been unlucky enough to see what happens to vulnerable kids and how some teachers behave

Its great that you've had this experience though, a good teacher can make such a difference

Original poster

Parentingisnotfortheweak · 25/06/2025 22:21

OneFunBrickNewt · 25/06/2025 22:16

In 15 years plus of teaching, I can count on one hand colleagues who 'lie, manipulate, or pick on kids.' And I'd have some fingers to spare.

I'm not underpaid (£52k) and I don't consider myself a hero either, but I do a useful job to the very best of my abilites, not made easy by some (not all!) parents.

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I can’t help but agree with you- I am pleased you are not underpaid (most teachers are!) and MOST teachers do a wonderful job. As I said, my dilemma is not with the teachers- every single one I have dealt with at the school has been wonderful, completely engaged with every child, knowing all of their perks, and working with them and their parents. Unfortunately it is the senior(s) that are the issue. If there is one?! It is not even ‘what’ has happened I suppose. Ita more how it has been handled. As I’ve said before, we are all human and make mistakes, but ownership is what makes you a person. Accountable for things- happy to admit where you’ve gone wrong and learn from it.

OP posts:

OneFunBrickNewt · 25/06/2025 22:20

Mama981 · 25/06/2025 22:19

I work in early years and I really wish the primary schools would sort themselves out with things like this - you do not leave children with out lunch - doesn't matter who's fault, what parents should have done, you just don't do it. We have had parents forget the packed lunch, they get a phonecall asking if they can bring something down and if they are too far away the kids get a jam sandwhich, peice of fruit and a biscuit. Its always a one off or occasional thing, parents are usually very embarrased so we tell them it's not a problem and they always remember going forward.

Not the best lunch ever that we provide but why an earth would you let a child in your care have nothing? That's neglect from the person caring for them at lunch time not the parent and if your OK with that you shouldn't be working with kids. Rant over but I could go on, the fact they also let a lot of kids sunburn in primary schools disgusts me, primary kids are still little and should be properly cared for while in school.

Edited

Now where I work, if a child forgets their packed lunch of course they have the school meal. Never been an issue.

Mama981 · 25/06/2025 22:19

I work in early years and I really wish the primary schools would sort themselves out with things like this - you do not leave children with out lunch - doesn't matter who's fault, what parents should have done, you just don't do it. We have had parents forget the packed lunch, they get a phonecall asking if they can bring something down and if they are too far away the kids get a jam sandwhich, peice of fruit and a biscuit. Its always a one off or occasional thing, parents are usually very embarrased so we tell them it's not a problem and they always remember going forward.

Not the best lunch ever that we provide but why an earth would you let a child in your care have nothing? That's neglect from the person caring for them at lunch time not the parent and if your OK with that you shouldn't be working with kids. Rant over but I could go on, the fact they also let a lot of kids sunburn in primary schools disgusts me, primary kids are still little and should be properly cared for while in school.

OneFunBrickNewt · 25/06/2025 22:16

mumofoneAlonebutokay · 25/06/2025 19:43

Im surprised at the first responses

She sounds awful! I'm so sorry.

I'd focus on building community with other mums and putting absolutely everything in writing with her

Have you got a husband? If so, get him to deal with her in future, in writing, I'm sure he'll be more respected 🙄

I've got zero trust for teachers tbh - its so easy to say 'they are underpaid, we should hail them as heroes' but they're just people, and lots lie or manipulate or even pick on kids

Yanbu x

Edit - the threatening social services was bullying and heavy handed

Edited

In 15 years plus of teaching, I can count on one hand colleagues who 'lie, manipulate, or pick on kids.' And I'd have some fingers to spare.

I'm not underpaid (£52k) and I don't consider myself a hero either, but I do a useful job to the very best of my abilites, not made easy by some (not all!) parents.

Original poster

Parentingisnotfortheweak · 25/06/2025 21:58

ThesebeautifulthingsthatIvegot · 25/06/2025 21:52

@Parentingisnotfortheweak if a person got a DBS and then was accused of an abhorrent crime, they would be barred from working with children.

What PP meant about DBS is that only known crimes show up. A person can commit horrible acts but be good at hiding it. They would have a clean DBS and be allowed to work with children.

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Oh i agree- sorry my post didn’t come across as agreeing with what they said! I just meant that it only covers them up until the day the DBS is requested- the people who requested the check doesn’t get further updates IF the person was to go onto commit crimes. But yea agree if the person is able to hide their crimes they can absolutely continue to work with children/vulnerable people until those crimes are discovered. Sorry for not being clear

OP posts:

Original poster

Parentingisnotfortheweak · 25/06/2025 21:55

Soontobe60 · 25/06/2025 21:52

School sports days usually last an hour at most.

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Our sports day ran from 9-1

OP posts:

ThesebeautifulthingsthatIvegot · 25/06/2025 21:52

Parentingisnotfortheweak · 25/06/2025 21:45

Sadly this did happen- and I can not categorically say ALL parents whose children weren’t fed have raised a complaint- but those who have spoken to me- definitely have. However, I can only speak for myself, as I do not know what the outcome is/was for the others. My children sinply were not fed- the child that purposely lies simply said ‘I was not hungry anyway’ to diminish the situation. the head teacher was informed by my friend twice- and shut down by the same person- again I can’t speak for everyone else that it happened to, because my friend was. Purely trying to help my child in a case where she couldn’t immediately provide food for him and me as his parent could not attend and assist. I was only informed after school had finished as I am a working parent - no calls were made to me on my phone or work number to ask to provide food due to an error on anyone’s part.

i have no qualms with the actual teachers- by all accounts they were all busy with the ‘events’. But as I was not in attendance I can’ only go by the facts that I was given.

someone mentioned up thread about this being a case of a single parent- I am unsure if this is the case here? Our school is very eclectic- we have everything from you stereotypical single parent who doesn’t work, has lots of children they struggle to feed, to your high profile, high earning families, with the posh houses and cars- and everything in between. I have always worked, and try to set a good precedent for my children.

to the poster who wrote about someone having a clear DBS check until they were 80- it’s a hard truth! Yes you need a clear DBS to work with children, but that is only true up until the day you take it- someone could commit something abhorrent merely days or weeks after having a DBS and therefore wouldn’t show that is the sad reality. BUT as parents, there are no qualifications, you simply (sometimes not simply I know!!) get pregnant and there you go you have a child- crack on until something happens and your children are removed. Yes I know it’s not as clear cut as that- but that’s the black and white you hear as someone who has never had any involvement.

like I said- maybe I was a bit hasty, but couples with the sports day incident and not following through with promised paperwork I felt my children were being wronged. I will never apologise for advocating for my children- and I will also never apologise for standing up for myself for something that did not happen. I would gladly accept social services looking into our family set up if there was a genuine concern- I have nothing to hide. I get up, take my children to school, go to work, pick everyone up, food, homework. Bath, rinse and repeat. We really are that boring! I would hate to see a genuinely absused child go unnoticed with no support- it was the way that it was dealt with.

if I am wrong then I am sorry-

@Parentingisnotfortheweak if a person got a DBS and then was accused of an abhorrent crime, they would be barred from working with children.

What PP meant about DBS is that only known crimes show up. A person can commit horrible acts but be good at hiding it. They would have a clean DBS and be allowed to work with children.

Soontobe60 · 25/06/2025 21:52

PorridgeAndSyrup · 25/06/2025 21:39

"Looking for problems"? The headteacher let several small children go hungry all day, after playing sports all day. That's cruel. It most definitely is a problem.

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School sports days usually last an hour at most.

Original poster

Parentingisnotfortheweak · 25/06/2025 21:52

ConfusedSloth · 25/06/2025 21:47

OP - was this sports day on the 13th?

It was actually 11th- so 2 weeks ago. Which is my bad, only felt like last week!

OP posts:

Dramatic · 25/06/2025 21:52

ConfusedSloth · 25/06/2025 21:18

Some teachers and parent are truly awful, no denying that. But the idea that all are so awful that no one did anything about it seems extremely far fetched.

If OP knew this first-hand, I might have some more faith in the story but this has come from a child with a propensity for lying and a “friend” who thought it was fine enough at the time to not do anything.

It’s possible the missed children were fed after the lunch break because it took time to put together the extra lunches, for example. It’s possible the five year old was offered a lunch but didn’t like it so refused it and then continued complaining about his hunger… We don’t know but it doesn’t sound plausible that the reality is that this many children were intentionally not fed anything - and dozens of adults all stood merrily by.

I’d be questioning if I got the full story if I were OP.

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She's heard it from the head too who is blaming the parents. The head hasn't denied the kids weren't fed.