I’m so fed up of this was I unreasonable?

I wouldn't. I'd just tell her she's abusive and you don't want to see her anymore. Why pussyfoot around?

You have choices. I believe that unless they literally have a gun to your head, people who have no real power over you (in this case, your mother) will treat you as badly as you allow them too.

She is not a spouse you might rely on for money or housing or who has cowed you by violence. She has no gun. You can make this stop if you let go of guilt that is actually inappropriate.

The only person who should feel bad is your mother, for being so horrible to her daughter. What an absolutely disgusting thing to say 'I'll take your skin off'...who the fucking hell does she thinks she is? Your mother should be the LAST person in the world saying things like that to you (not that anyone should).

I'd send the message @LaurieFairyCake posted, then block her number.

Actions have consequences.

I would slowly withdraw from her and be unavailable a lot more

You feel like you’re in an abusive relationship because you are.

She is too toxic to be around your precious children. I have been NC with my mother for about twelve years and the relief is huge. You don’t have to tolerate another second of this shit.

That sounds like an abusive relationship to me. Someone threatening to 'take my skin off' would be NC instantly.

Cease all contact. Block her on all channels. If she has anything to say (like an apology) she can write to you.

Enjoy a summer of not listening to toxic nastiness. Not allowing your children to come in contact with such nonsense. Have a lovely school holidays, free from all that stress.

Yes this is abusive, ‘take your skin off’ sounds like an aggressive drunk man you would meet in a pub, it’s quite scary actually. Has she always been like this? Life is too short to have that sort of toxicity in it, regardless if it’s your mum or not. I would also worry about her becoming like that with your children in the future. Tell her you have had enough and you will no longer be spoken to like that. Also can I just congratulate you - you sound like an amazing mum compared to her!!

YANBU—at all. You’re not giving the cold shoulder, you’re setting basic emotional boundaries. Her behaviour is controlling, cruel, and frankly threatening. “Take your skin off” isn’t just nasty—it’s abusive.
You’re right to feel like you’re nearing the end of what you can tolerate. Protecting your peace and your children from this kind of toxicity isn’t disrespect—it’s self-respect.

Good for you for being a different mother to your children than the one you had. Breaking the cycle is easier said than done.

It isn’t a human right to take other people’s fruit you know!

Block her. Why did you tell her when sports day was ? She sounds dreadful.

Tell her you're moving abroad. To what ever country steals the fruit!!

Go to the police with those messages and threats.

You ARE in an abusive relationship.
Send her a message to not come near you, your home, and your children again.
That you will involve the police.

That is proof she's been told.
Call the police and report her.
Get a video bell for your home.

Let this be the last day.
Do not respond to any messages.

Id be telling her if she ever makes another threat like that the police will be hearing about it.

Tell her that you are cutting contact with her now and no longer wish to see her because of her dreadful behaviour, which you don't want affecting the children. Then follow through by blocking her on every platform on your phone, social media, WhatsApp etc.

Don't keep it going "for the children" or anything. No need, and she will abuse them too eventually, if she hasn't begun already. They don't need an abuser in their lives even if she is their grandparent.

It was bad enough before I got to the end then it gets even worse with that last text. If someone said they'd take my skin off that would be definitely be the end of the relationship for me.

I would text her back and say ^threats of assault are illegal, I’m now blocking you and don’t want to see you again ^

I think people do become “more themselves” as they get older, like a distilled version of their former personality. And if your mother was always difficult then this will probably become more marked with age. That’s not an ageist comment btw bc fantastic older people tend to become even more fantastic!

She sounds absolutely awful. 'Take your skin off'?! Who does she think she is, some character from a low rent 90s British gangster film?!

Threats like that are illegal. I would honestly not bother to speak to her again. I mean what's the point? She keeps saying poisonous things about your parenting and is racist, homophobic, you name it. Not a suitable role model for your children at all.

You sound great though. I'm so glad you are standing up to her and her nasty views.

She said she would 'take your skin off'? Well you wouldn't be able to survive that would you? So that to me sounds like a threat to kill someone. That's an offence under s.16 of the Crimes Against the Person Act 1861. So tell her if she makes threats like that again, you'll report it to the police.

[I mean they probably wouldn't treat it as a TTK but she doesn't know that].

Life is precious and too short to waste any of it on someone who has no compunction about treating you in such a contemptuous and hostile manner.