I’m so fed up of this was I unreasonable?

I think you have 3 clear choices. Carry on as you are, tiptoeing around her and knowing there will inevitably be blow ups where she is nasty and threatening. Let your children see this happening.
Or, cut her off completely. You will have to deal with a lot of difficult feelings but may have more peace in your life and your children will not be around a toxic influence.
Or give her fair warning. Something like - mother, your behaviour in telling me this (and give examples) is unacceptable and any repeat will lead to the me reducing our contact drastically. In addition, I need you to accept that we will disagree about things and to respect that, which means not saying things like (examples). Write it out and send it to her. She may explode, in fact she probably will, but sometimes its a wake up call. And if she does, you will be able to cut contact knowing you gave her fair warning.

Only you can decide what you want to do. I do hope you are ok, it sounds really stressful and toxic.

That’s what you took from this?

It's probably fruit growing on bushes/trees at the side of the road. There are some along the path opposite where I live. I suppose technically they belong to the Council, but if they don't get picked, they just go rotten! I am always pleased to see people picking them, rather than them going to waste!

Oh OP she sounds like my mother. She wasn’t happy when she found out I was pregnant (she always said she couldn’t see me with children even when going through an op to remove an extremely large ovarian cyst) then she told my sister she didn’t want anything to do with my baby. When she finally got in touch with me I was about 8months gone and she denied ever saying it despite her being in loud speaker with my BiL present!! She doesn’t see me as her family just my dads side (they split when I was 2) and yet I’m the only one to go over to see her, to bring things from home she can’t get where she is, the only grandchild she has seen in years but I’m always the bad one. Disrespects me in front of my partner talks down about me to my baby son and constant nasty messages when I’m the one being nice. Now I keep it to bear minimum contact. We don’t need this negativity in our lives I suggest you do the same.
hope this helps you ❤️

I know the word narcissist gets thrown around so much these days but look it up. I’m not saying she is a narcissist but she’s definitely bullying and abusing you, possibly trying to control you? She’s relying on your feeling guilty so you keep you in her life. If you do go no contact I’d bet any money she turns even more vile and abusive.

She actually sounds unbalanced, almost deranged.

Christ?! As someone with the worst mother in the world, and I’m fed up spoilt brats going on about ‘going no contact’ with parents etc (because they watch too much TikTok…) but honestly she sounds like an old Bitch

Cut my mum off last December, been so peaceful!

OP, you don't have to put up with this, she sounds vile! I'd go NC for your own and your family's sakes.

Cut her off. It is the only thing you can do with a nutter like that.

If she's always been like that, or close to it, I'd have to go NC for my kids sake. I wouldn't want them to think Nana knows best or be frightened to speak. So (as they say on dragon's den) for that reason I'd be out.

If there's been a significant change I'd maybe consider if dementia is a possibility. If not I'd definitely loose contact..... it's a shame that there's no other family that can talk sense to her (eg a sibling of hers).
Good luck 👍

She is abusive. Your DP and DC see it too so you know it's not just you. She will never change except for the worse. There is nothing you can do so you don't need to feel guilty. Now, go no contact. It's by far the best thing you can do in this situation.

Goad her into cutting you off, then you’ll feel less guilty. But either way, she needs to go. I’m afraid she is a horrible woman.

I have multiple family members like this and I don’t have any contact with any of them and my life is so much better for it. I feel sorry for myself that I don’t have the family I want/need but I don’t grieve losing them in the slightest

This is horrible for you.Family or not it sounds abusive and vile. Similar situation re my adult child after being told to fk off out her house for standing up to her abuse and disrespect for the third time I did just that I f ked off. That was 6 months ago it’s been horrendous but abuse is abuse even if it’s family . Going no contact is a last resort and it’s hideous it’s like grieving for a living person but you matter too .

You don’t just feel like you’re in an abusive relationship with your mum. You are in an abusive relationship with her.

Your mum is not only aggressive and threatening towards you, but she’s also a) thick and b) mad. I wouldn’t let someone like her anywhere near my kids if I were you. She’s basically an extremist.

What an absolutely vile phrase to use!

People who talk about being disrespected seem to often not be deserving of respect it seems.

'Take your skin off' is a next level threat. Don't think I've heard anything like it before.
I couldn't countenance this kind of vile at all. 💐

Listen to Mariana in Conspiracyland 2 on bbc sounds - I think you’ll find it cathartic!

Oh god, OP. What a vile thing to say to anyone, let alone your own DAUGHTER 😮

im so sorry - I imagine growing up with her was very difficult.

You’re an adult now though. You don’t have to put up with the relationship any longer.

and you certainly have the right to protect your own children from anything to do with her.

She's mad now because she's realised you're not going to keep quiet any longer. You're not a child anymore. What do you want?

OP she sounds awful and I wouldn't want my children around her. You don't have to feel guilty about not wanting an abusive person in your life, even if that person is your mother! You don't owe her your time or support.

Honestly OP, your children are being affected.
She shouldn't be around them.
Part of being a good mum is keeping people like her away.

Do it for your children if not yourself.