I’m so fed up of this was I unreasonable?

My late DF was like this for years. Not so much conspiracy theories but biased and bitter comments. I went LC for years as it made me so stressed. However, I didn't live close by so he couldn't just call round. Perhaps a move might help the situation or let someone tell her you have moved!

The feelings of guilt is normal. Your dm is definitely not normal it might be her opinions which she is allowed to have but she is also a very toxic woman and I would leave her be for now as she is in the wrong if she reaches out tell her straight you don’t like how you are treated and you have had enough from her if she’s not willing to change then your going to have to cut ties with her as your children are not growing up with the bs she spouts as you did as her dd. I get sad when I hear stuff like this especially when other mothers are amazing but no longer here and you get nasty mothers whose kids don’t want them to be there but feel obliged to be there for them.

Block her, don’t allow her to keep sending those kind of messages. She is an abusive narcissist.

The only thing I could think you could do which may help ease your conscience a bit is contact her doctor or adult social services. You can say how you’re having to pull away but you are really concerned for her mental state.
I don’t know if they would/could do anything but it may just put her on their radar.

Also remember that it’s not your fault that she has no one else. She has done this herself.

I am not sure if I’ve missed it but if you aren’t already I would recommend some counselling. I know where I live there is a local free service. I think it’s something that could really help with cutting her off.

Good grief, I've only just realised she is only 55! Not worth worrying about her getting old and frail as she probably has decades to go. You absolutely mustn't sacrifice yours and your children's lives to her for all that time.

@giraffes2021 your mother has agency to run her own life at 55.
If she can take in all of these views, even if they are awful, she is capable of making decisions.
As someone the same age as her, I have no family of my own, no DC, and have a few long term disabilities which have really reduced how I have to live.
I am responsible for myself and it’s tough. My parents were fantastic when they were alive, but they aren’t here now.
I have had to learn how to get on with it. And actually, it’s been a valuable learning curve.
I know it’s really tough, but let her get on with it, at least for a while. She’s not a frail old lady.
She may rail against it - let her.
You have no right to receive care and support from a daughter when you’ve threatened to take the skin off her in public, no right at all.

I’ve read some of the thread. Sounds so difficult for you OP! I wonder how somebody can be supported with their mental health when they are in denial 🧐 it certainly isn’t your responsibility, sounds like you’ve tried and given her multiple opportunities to connect. I’m just thinking out loud do you speak, could you encourage her to join some sort of social group? My mum did and it has done wonders for her mental and physical health, she was teetering on the edge of mental health breakdown. Maybe your mum is too stubborn to consider this, but might be worth trying?

No, it’s not your fault. This is self preservation, protecting you and your family.

Her mental health is in a bad state already, has been for YEARS. You could suggest she get some therapy in your ‘why I’m going NC info’, but I doubt she will, but then at least you’ve done your bit, the rest is on her.

You the last one standing. And you know why.

Sounds like you know what you need to do too.

Please do!!!

I’d love a post to let us know when you have. We’re all rooting for you!!

But do you really think it’s ok for her to be like this?

can you imagine still being in this situation in another 20 years, having endured another 20 years of this crap?

Please follow the Motherwound on Instagram. You will feel less alone in this. It will also help you set boundaries and feel NO guilt.
You sound like an amazing mother. Make sure you nip this now so it doesn’t get exposed to your kids too much.
And as to whether you’re unsure if it’s abusive…I thought the skin comment was a typo at first. Nobody and I mean NOBODY deserves to be spoken to like this, especially by your mother on your turf at your kids precious sports day.
Lay it out straight to her; the worst thing that can happen is she falls out with you which may well be a blessing in disguise with no guilt needed on your part. ❤️

Oh OP, I remember your last thread about her telling your children about your real dad. Many of us agreed she was abusive back then, it really is time for you to take some action to protect yourself from her abuse. She has zero boundaries at best.

For your children’s sake you need to not have her in your life. Your eldest is picking up this. You didn’t want your child to be exposed to a racist, homophonic comments. You want your children to know it’s acceptable to have a different opinion (unless it’s racist, homophonic etc). You don’t want your child exposed to your fear of upsetting your mum either. She’s been very abusive. You don’t need this and shouldn’t accept it. She’s not going to change so you need to change - and not accept this from her. The only way you can do that is to go no contact.

To have someone who can say “I’ll take your skin off”. That’s shocking for a parent to say that to their child.

You probably will feel guilty, but you’ve got to try to think of all the reasons why you need to go no contact. For your self esteem and for your children. Your mum thinks she can do and say what she likes. She’s not setting a good role model for her grandchildren. You’ll feel so much more positive about this when you don’t have her in your life. Try not to feel guilty. It’s not your fault she’s like this. You have nothing to feel guilty about.

Good luck!

I am a similar age to your mother. She is behaving appallingly and to be quite frank, doesn’t appear to be full of knowledge about real issues.
Her behaviours and threats are appalling.
We are all entitled to our views, but it helps if they are backed by research.
It seems she gets hers from GB News. Does she sit watching it in her tin hat?
I have to say a few of my friends have started speaking like your mother. They sound 85, not 55, and that no disrespect to the friends of 85 I have who are much more measured.
Sadly, your mum has been reached by a cult-like set of beliefs. I hear it all - Mrs Macron is a man, Mrs Obama is a man, 9/11 was engineered by the Americans.
I understand that people have more conservative beliefs but when it gets into the realm of sheer fantasy, I shut down.
Take a break from her. She sounds exhausting!

Why are you still in touch with her?

Why does she think they are hers? My neighbour used to take our apples to sell.
He was a funny old man though.

Agreed.

OP, I really don’t think you’ll look back afterwards.

Have you posted about her beefore @giraffes2021 ?

The dad story seems familiar.

Most people advised you she was abusive on that thread and you should go NC for your kids. I can't believe she is still in your kids life if that was you!

I think we might have located OP's mum...

Honestly, I bet she's on social media endlessly. What's her YouTube history like?

Not everyone who is a conspi nut has mental health issues, but lots of them do. Also they attract people who feel powerless and are all bitter about that. Your description is very similar to that of my father and uncle!

What's kinda ironic is this type of conspiracism functions very well as propaganda. You ain't going to be getting pissy with your local MP or campaigning for welfare reform if you think magical lizards are running the show.

Deep deep deep down it's fear based, but her fear isn't yours to treat. The harmful effects of her behaviours are within your domain.

Sincerely, good luck :-)