Asking if you took a Ukrainian guest in your home why you want them gone asap?

It actually is, in lots of parts of the world. Canadians, for example, frequently say England/English when what they're referring to is actually UK/British. I had a fun 1/2 hr once explaining the difference to an Iranian friend who genuinely did not know there was a difference. I don't think we can expect other nationalities to know the ins and outs of our complicated history, especially when the English themselves sometimes do the same thing.
I remember the outrage in Scotland when a sports commentator referred to the GB curling team, consisting entirely of Scots, who won an Olympic gold as the "English" team. She of course meant the British team.

What a horrible thing to say - both you and the person you’re quoting! And the title isn’t written in perfect English.

Especially as the title is written in perfect English ...

Obviously people do have different experiences, yes. I’m not sure if you meant your post to come across that way, but it sounded as though you thought there were completely safe parts of Ukraine, that might also jobs and infrastructure for lots of people…

Re the spelling, it’s not really like calling Rome Roma. Kyiv is a transliteration of the Ukrainian spelling Київ whereas Kiev is the translation of the russian name for the city which is Киев. It’s generally accepted we should transliterate the correct Ukrainians spelling, and it matters quite a lot due to the imperialist nature of the russian invasion, and their desire to erase Ukrainian culture.

Interesting topic years after the war started and I do think OP could be from where they say they are from although I do not believe their english is that bad.

I am not in England but another country that took on a lot of refugees. I took one in not for moral reasons but because I needed the money quite honestly but it meant sharing my home with a man (I am female) that I did not know trust him with my home.

He moved in, we became good friends I thought. He told me how much he made in his job at home, I encouraged him to get a job locally so he could earn some money and come off the very generous welfare benefits the government were giving him along with paying his rent for him etc. After 4 months it became apparent that he assumed the rent paid on his behalf by the government were his entitlements but not only that but that I should be also sharing some of the money I was getting to rent to him from the government with him. No wish in him to work or support himself, actually started costing me money as he never once paid towards anything like bills etc only HIS OWN grocery shopping and i mean he would cook using my staple ingredients and expect me to replace them. Entitlement is not even the word I would give this man.

Stupidly as both single we ended up in some weird relationship and began sleeping together which is when it became apparent he would love bomb me one day followed by days of the silent treatment. He went away to his family for a month and still claimed welfare and then assumed 'we' were complicit in him claiming which is when I realised they stopped his claim and he thought I would 'share' the rent money with him which is when things soured. I told him in no uncertain terms he gets a job and supports himself and we entered into another 3 month licence agreement where I would get rental money for him to rent his room in my house (he never shared my room only my bed maybe 5 times in total) and he would get a job and fend for himself as at this point I realised he was a fantasist and had not half as much money as he liked to pretend.

The saga continues actually with this man who I now see to be a cocklodger. He never ever wanted to work just wanted to be on a permanent holiday and thought I was some idiot that would help with this. He is currently giving me the silent treatment and while I do not believe I am in danger I have taken precautions and I have made a plan to get him out of my house as he has taken advantage of my hospitality and I mean my not making him pay bills so he could save money etc but now i realise the person he is (he blocked me on instagram only yesterday ffs) and he is being watched like a hawk by people. Not every story ends well and while I never asked him to move out or tried to force him out there is no way I would be entertaining a boychild with walter mitty ideologies to live here much longer. Sorry I did go off on a tangeant there but there are many many variables and as my friends have said when he recently took a pop at me saying he was frustrated as his country was being bombed etc, why if he is so passionate is he not there himself fighting for it.

I have made very good friends with a Ukrainian woman who came over with her daughter. She was totally shell-shocked when I met her but always polite and grateful for the chance to be here.

The first family she was billeted with was horrendous- a pervert of a man who kept coming on to both her and her daughter whenever his wife was out, but would ignore them at all other times. Luckily they got out.

The mother speaks fluent Ukranian, Russian, German and English, and is an accountant. The daughter is also very bright and has now gone to Europe to study.

The son of the family, who did not wish to come here, was abducted by the Ukranian army two years ago and is presumed dead. The war is ongoing. My friend has no "home" to return to as it was bombed by the Ukrainian forces at the start of the conflict to stop the Russians taking it. So she lives in this place, pays a fortune in rent, and works three jobs.

You know, the life of Riley.

I am not arguing with you, just noting the different experiences people have had. And it was a genuine question based on what I had been told by my acquaintance who seemed pretty unaffected by it, judging by her frequent travel to and from the country, and obvious faith things would return to normal making her confident enough to buy several rental properties.

I also know it’s Kyiv in Ukraine, but we generally use an anglicised version here, or do you refer to Munich as Munchen, Rome as Roma, Venezia for Venice etc?

I'm so sorry you've had that experience—it’s not right, and you deserve better. That hasn’t been the case where I live in Scotland; I know families who’ve welcomed Ukrainians with real care and patience.
But I believe you, and sadly some hosts weren’t prepared or expected only a short stay. That’s about their lack of understanding, not anything wrong with you. You’ve been through so much—kindness and stability should be the least you receive.

Members of my family took in a Ukrainian woman and her toddler daughter. They stayed for over two years and are still very close now. My DS calls them auntie and cousin.☺️

I think framing it as guests rather than emergency accommodation sort of mislead both the hosts and those fleeing Ukraine.

This^ 100%
Both sides underestimated cultural differences.

None of the country is entirely unaffected, or guaranteed to be. Even Lviv has been bombed several times. OK maybe some country or mountain towns and villages are fine but they can’t have that many jobs in mountain villages going!

People go back because it’s their home - wouldn’t you miss home? It can be scary but it’s hard to stay away from home for so long.

My friend goes back sometimes and has been to Kyiv (not Kiev btw) but whilst there she was in a very major air raid and had to sleep in a shelter etc. It’s not something done lightly!

Eh they did? Almost 4 million people were displaced from their home in Ukraine and moved to other areas of the country.

The remaining 6m who are still displaced are spread over many counties.

Do think a country at war just instantly had the capacity for almost 10 million people to move area in such a small space of time.

Do you think the UK could legitimately handle if 9 million people moved from London to the north? The housing, infrastructures and services wouldn’t cope.

Not in the Uk but I know a v wealthy couple who too in a mother and child. They left the place in a tip, wouldn't clean up, wouldn't enroll the child in school. Just sat around all day watching tv or on their phones.They didn't care about money or jobs but they did nothing but create a mess so there are two sides to this I'm afraid.

Yes I wonder that too!

I seriously considered it, but was advised not to, due to my child’s ND and how disruptive it would be for them (for my child’s sake, I mean) Which was fair enough.

My spare room is also quite small so I imagine the person wouldn’t have wanted to stay long.

But why didn’t they move to the part of Ukraine that was unaffected, which was most of the country? Why was my Ukrainian acquaintance travelling back and forth as normal for her beauty treatments etc? (lives in a neighbouring country, not the UK). Why were people still holidaying in Kiev during this time, as I know they were?

Probably a bit of both. If they were solely humanitarian they wouldn't have specifically picked Ukrainian refugees, there are plenty of others who need a safe space to stay.

I wonder, like some other posters, if some people liked the idea of hosting more than the reality. That once they had someone else in their house they felt a bit uncomfortable - British, certainly English, people tend to need a lot of personal space compared to some and they are quite self contained and want 'guests' to get a job because they are worried about them becoming to reliant on them socially or economically. I fear we're not natural hosts.

Not from the UK but a country that has housed a LOT of Ukrainians and I think this was very much the issue-

1 week not very many time to even relax

I don’t think there was an anticipation that people would view this as a relaxing holiday when they arrived- more of an emergency measure to ensure that people were housed in the very short term until they could get back on their feet. Three years on and there’s an expectation that Ukrainian people do not have to work, or pay for accommodation, and it’s causing tensions.

I’m so sorry you’ve been treated like this. I really don’t think people thought through the reality of having someone living in their home tbh. Or thought they’d don’t the “good thing” by helping the person get here (not saying this is reasonable).

It is really awful and shortsighted of those people but I think that might be the case.

Can I say that not everyone is like this? My auntie arranged back in 2022 for someone to come and stay with her, and she is now 100% a part of our family. I don’t like to call her a “guest” as that feels too distant. And I don’t mean it in a patronising way - I hope we are now part of her family too! Her Mum has been over to stay a few times, we all exchange Christmas gifts and various of us have spoken to her grandma and brother on the phone.

The “guest” (but we say we are cousins now) moved out a few months ago but she got a good job back quite early on and stayed with my auntie like family. My auntie is still like her UK auntie, if that makes sense!

I do wonder whether many people who took in Ukrainians were doing it for genuine humanitarian reasons or whether they were just virtue signalling.

Sounds like the OP has experience of the latter...

I think this is fake. Ukrainian speakers wouldn't use prepositions or plurals this way.

Almost half the number of Ukrainians who fled Ukraine became displaced within Ukraine.
How many do you think would be reasonable to flee?

I am sorry you have had this experience but nobody thought their Ukrainian guests would be staying for long, and certainly not forever. It's not unreasonable to want your house to yourself again after, say, six months. It's quite a big thing taking someone unknown into your home and many people did not think it through properly before volunteering. I've heard of some Ukrainian guests being allowed to work here, getting a job and refusing to move out because it would cost them more! Others have gone back to Ukraine, some more than once, to visit relatives and then returned to their hosts in the UK. It's a difficult situation all round.

I would like to hear some success stories, there must be some, we only hear about the situations that have gone wrong.

You sound terribly entitled.

What I don’t understand is why so many Ukrainian people had to leave Ukraine, given that most of the country was not affected? I speak as someone with a Ukrainian acquaintance who never stopped returning to see her family there, and who also purchased several rental properties there at the same time refugees were coming here. I write this due to genuine bemusement.