Wedding gift list asking for cash

I would be very shocked if a family of 5 gave only £50 as a wedding gift, it’s barely the cost of a round of drinks!

Forget about a unique wedding gift and up the amount

If you want to give something unique, a baby item offers more potential in just a few months

@Catsandcheese It's not pay as you go, it's a gift.

You are highlighting what the problem with cash is - expectations.

Some people have expectations that guests will pay for themselves.

That never happened with a gift.

It costs a fortune to attend a wedding.

Outfits, travel, childcare (if childfree) accommodation, hair, loss of earnings (for some), hen do/stag do costs.

So if you're looking at a transactional thing - I would say if the costs of food/wedding for a family of 5 is £300-500, then I would say that is less than the costs above. So no gift needed - and yet people still offer one.

That's because a gift is by it's name something you choose to give, to celebrate the event, not to repay a debt.

Yes. A family of 5. It's still from them, not for them. It's for the couple. You don't make a gift proportional to the event. That's when it stops being a gift and becomes a transactional obligation. There's nothing mean about giving a gift of £50 and the length of the event is entirely irrelevant.

It's not Alton towers.

It's not mean not to pay cover/ticket for party you were invited to. It's actually really weird "rule" some people peddle

I suppose it does depend what costs are to get there and outfits etc.

I think the Op said there were 5 of them attending? It’s a full day so wedding breakfast, bar, evening food, dance. I think that’s a bit mean but maybe I’m not being realistic.

Except we all know the general cost of eg a photo frame or kettle. And it’s very easy to just google an item and see it was £12.99.

Amen

but the gift more than likely will be up for resale or given to charity if they don't need it. why waste that ?
my mother also detests giving money always gives a present no matter what we tell her. she was disgusted to see one couple had her present up on Facebook market place so soon after the wedding so finally has coped on not to give presents

It's not for 5 people. It's for a couple and from one family unit. A gift is a nice thing to take to a wedding, if it's an obligation of a certain amount it stops being a gift.

If a couple have an expectation of a specific amount and judge any of their guests for not meeting that amount they are arseholes.

Don't get a gift as well if they didn't want gifts.

Just listen to the people who are at the receiving end please. Make everyone's life easy

£50 for 5 of you, really?

Thanks all. I really dislike giving money as never know what to give!...They’re a lovely couple , not grabby or anything, & already made comments on how they don’t want people to feel obligated to spend a lot...I do want to get a decent present, but just can’t afford an extortionate amount because already paid a lot

If they are genuinely lovely, and I'm sure they are, then giving a smaller amount won't upset them or make them think badly of you. If it does upset them then aren't the lovely couple you think they are and their bad opinion is therefore no loss.

£50 is fine. It's a perfectly nice amount and there's no need to try and find an additional gift that there's every chance they won't like anyway. Don't overthink it.

We asked for nothing or money for honem.

Still ended up with 3 silver "our wedding" frames😭

Cash is really easy. It's common in so many places and NOONE is going to be shitty or judgy if you give fiver or fifty. If they are, you shouldn't have been at their wedding anyway because they woild be terrible people.

That's true, because everyone gives money without prompting I suppose!

Why is cash any more grabby than a gift list?

We specifically told people we did not want gifts. Any gifts at all. People contacted my mum to see what they could get me as we had no gift list, and she told them vouchers for our honeymoon if they really wanted. A few people kicked off about that, saying it was grabby and we ended up with champagne glasses, a whisky decanter, and some really shit ornaments which all went to charity. What a waste of time and money!

Reading your update how about £50?

But is it not really wasteful to ask for gifts if you don’t want or need them? I have no plans to get married but if I did, I would struggle to think of a single item we want or need for our home.

If someone’s spending £10, I’d hate them to be spending it on something from a list of stuff we didn’t really need but we’d drawn up for the sake of it because we thought it was the done thing. Whereas if they gave us £10 cash we would happily buy a couple of drinks on our honeymoon with it and would enjoy that a million times more and would think fondly of them as we drank them.

Personally I think its rude asking for money 😳

I don’t like them either 🤣

I got married and never stipulated money or had a wedding list.

That’s not much of a trick for those of us who don’t want to get married in a church… some of us are non religious and still deserve to get actually married on our wedding day

not to cover the cost of the meal, that sound far too generous