I have really screwed up - trigger warning ( termination )

Honestly, if you want the baby, you should have it. It sounds as though your new partner is lovely. I don't want to be harsh, but your in-laws need you more than you need them. You have let them become part of your family, visiting as often as they like. Surely, even if they are upset (which they probably will be) they will realise that they need to accept it if they want to remain part of your family with lots of access to their grandchildren.

Why is it 'not ideal'?

This makes you happy, & your kids happy.
PIL may be delighted for you all.
You tell them all the soothing stuff about how your H will always be remembered (etc etc)
Even if they dont like it, just tell them life must move on, BF couldnt be a better fit…..
Please look forward , & enjoy your new life & baby😊

For me it’s a simple yes/no question- do you want another child?

Other people’s opinions are just noise.

You’ve not been stupid.

Can you take a little time to think things through - it seems you may be having a knee jerk reaction here.

You deserve happiness - in whatever form that may take. And you deserve to give yourself time to think without berating yourself.

Thought that would be the case 🤣.

Reminds me when at work two colleagues were clearly seeing eachother but didn't want to admit it. For MONTHS he would turn up and 2 minutes later she would stroll in because they would come in the same car then she would hide for a couple of mins so they didn't arrive together. We would also see them out holding hands etc on weekends. We used to joke about it between ourselves and had a sweepstake going on when they would tell us.

Eventually at an after works drink she worked up the courage to tell us. Stood up all nervous and said she had something to say. Obviously we all started laughing and said we'd known ages, showed her pictures from the 'spotted in the wild whatsapp' and told her who won the sweepstake. She couldn't believe it was the worst kept secret in history. They're married with 2 kids now.

I think having a people-pleasing abortion will be the biggest mistake of your life.

Abortion is entirely your choice but I don't think you're making that decision from a sound place and you need urgent, non-judgemental support and counselling so that you can make the right decision for you.

The main thing I'd be worried about is that that's your late husbands best mate. Surely he would have known how abusive the relationship was. And if they were such close mates, they may well share the same values.
2 years or not, you were vulnerable due to suddenly becoming a widow and being a victim of abuse. Your new partner is your knight in shining armour who knows enough about you and the kids to swoop in and get his feet under the table. And now you're pregnant, another vulnerability. Plus you are a home owner. He's fallen on his feet.

I think it's perfectly legitimate to explain to people that, after everything you've been through, you just wanted to keep the relationship private until it was established. Not having to deal with other people's opinions and involvement has given you both the space you need to blossom a strong relationship. Obviously having an unexpected baby has catapulted things forwards a bit! People will understand, if they have your best interests in mind. If anyone feels put out that you didn't tell them sooner, just say that you didn't want to put them in an awkward position of having to keep a secret before you told certain others.

Congratulations on the pregnancy and on what sounds like a lovely relationship!

OP, let yourself be happy.

Very helpful :). You'll both laugh when you look back at that. Some people are 'not so good' in an emergency.

I hope it has helped you to talk about it on here, Strugglings.

Take a deep breath and have a couple of important conversations soon.

You're an adult, it doesn't need to be an open conversation because they don't get a say!

You can just tell them you're dating and that be it. Really you've just let his family get away with way too much for way too long. With or without the relationship and baby you need to nip it in the bud. That you're doing it now may mean they think baby and relationship is reason but you'd have been within reason to do it long ago!

Boundaries are ok. Of course you can share lists of school events with them if they want to go, but they need to arrange to come over rather than turning up, they don't get to demand medical information. If they have a key change the locks.

It's all good OP, all good. Live your life.

Well congratulations then 🍾

then I need to have an open conversation with the families which sounds ridiculous I’m aware

In the circumstances that you're in, I am not sure I'd open with 'having a conversation'. I think perhaps I would write them a letter, making it clear that although it was a surprise to you both, you are very happy and committed to the relationship.

(I do agree with a previous poster that perhaps start with the relationship and save the pregnancy for later.)

In all of it though, remember that you are giving them information, kindly - you are NOT asking for their permission/approval.

Your in-laws do not ‘need’ school dates or medical info about your children. They are not your children’s guardians. They are simply grandparents. They don’t get to assume the parental rights of their late son. They are controlling, intrusive and strange.

Frankly, your pregnancy with your new partner should be the thing that prompts you to take a major step back from your previous partners’ parents, not the thing that prompts you to abort a baby you want to keep.