I have really screwed up - trigger warning ( termination )

Sounds like you went from controlling DP to allowing his family to control you. Do you feel guilty that he died when you weren't in a great place and owe his family your loyalty or something? Don't. You don't owe them anything, let alone your chastity. If this man makes you happy and having his child will make you happy, then that's nobody's business but yours.

Having had a termination on the basis of what everyone else would think or react like, I would never ever advise anyone to do that. It’s something you will live with forever, there will always be a wondering and for the dp that you now love. It’s one thing in my life that for 13 years I’ve thought about almost every day, even with therapy, and it’s a moment that if I could go back in time and change, I would. That’s despite having a DS afterwards. There’s a huge difference in having a termination from 100% your own choice and having one because of other people. Whatever you decide, I hope it’s exactly that, what you have decided for you and your pregnancy 💐

You’re obviously worried about what other people think. Obviously if you like the guy you would want the relationship to continue which means at some point you would have to come out of hiding with it. Now you are pregnant which isn’t ideal in terms of timing ie you will be telling people you are pregnant before you have had the chance to tell people about the relationship. But it is what it is and I think you should just roll with it and deliver all the good news at once!

I agree with PPs that you should do what works for you and that you have done nothing wrong and deserve to be happy. I also agree with you that "coming out" will be a shocking and difficult time and is unlikely to be well received by some - in the short term. That shouldn't stop you doing it. But I think you should brace yourself, make sure you have support around you, and try to be gentle with your in laws.

I know a widow who married his wife's best friend. And I know someone who was pregnant and remarried a year after her dh passed away. It's not always been easy for them but both couples are together years later, and one have a lovely daughter.

This is about your future as well as your present.

You deserve to be happy OP .. I truly think people will be happy for you x

Honestly I hate the idea of my husband with my sisters, but no one would love my children more than my sisters and be fair to them even if they had more children. I think it's the best case scenario for children if they lose their mother.

Op, you've had a lot of tragedy in your life. Please don't make this joyous event another tragic situation. Choose to be happy and ignore anyone who would prefer you weren't. Telling people may be difficult but then it's done and you're free. Keep your eye on the prize xxx

Oh, please put yourself and your new partner first and do the right thing for you. If you want to be a family and add a joint child to that family then you should.

Your ex husband's family may well be shocked and sad. It sounds like your ex husband had a lot of problems and died by suicide? Apologies if I misunderstood what you were saying in that post. If that's the case then I can see why the family are clinging on to you and wanting to be so involved but, if they're decent people, they will get over it and be happy that you are happy. If they aren't then they will not be able to see their grandchildren as much and will stay resentful - their loss, not yours.

Does your stepchild live with you full time? Maybe that's why they are so insistent on being involved in everything - do they see that grandchild as more theirs than yours or something?

Please do not have an abortion for other people, do what you, and your partner, want. That (and your children) are all that matters x

OP it sounds like your in laws would not be happy if you moved on with anyone, after any amount of time. You don't owe them or your late husband celibacy for the rest of your life. You've done nothing wrong.

Are you planning on pretending to be single forever? If not you'll have to deal with this one day, so why not now?

It sounds like you're in a happy relationship, your children are happy and loved, and you're financially stable, what a brilliant scenario to bring a child into.

Please don't terminate a pregnancy of a child you'd both love to have, for the sake of controlling ex in laws, or what people might think. Who cares? It has no impact on you or your family.

I agree with a previous poster. If you choose to have the baby, tell people about the relationship first, you don't need to announce the pregnancy for a few months.

Please, please, please whatever decision you make, make it for you not everyone else.
You deserve to be happy, if others can't be happy for you then that's up to them.
A distant reletive of mine ended up marrying his deceased wife's best friend and everyone was just happy for them.
It's time to live your life openly and freely. You owe yourself that 💖

OP, you are a suvivor and should be so proud of yourself not beatimg yourself up.

Have the termination if that is what is best for you.

But you are entitled to a life and your dead partners family do not get to control you now.

Start putting in better boundaries with them.
Get counselling to help you with this.

You have done NOTHING wrong.

I know of two men who loved their late wives that both died of cancer, who went on to marry their sisters and have had wonderful lives subsequently.

All families involved were so supportive, particularly as the children transitioned so well, while obviously remembering their wonderful mother.

You sound amazing.
Time to change that voice in your head.

It’s ok for you to move on and be happy. Don’t let anyone guilt you out of that.

You are hurting no one. X

do worry hugely about their paternal families reaction and how that will effect the children.

if they are toxic, it's not your problem or your fault.
Everybody can understand the grief, but you cannot be expected to put your life on hold. "moving on" doesnt' mean forgetting the father of your child.

You can break the news gently, keep the relationship with the children, but you CANNOT decide to keep (or not keep) a baby for other people! It's insane.
Take them out of the equation, completely.

Think about you, your children, and your partner. You can't terminate a child because of your in-laws, that's horrendous. You have the right , and must, to focus on you - and children and partner obviously.

The decision is what YOU want, not in-laws.

Our lives are not one chapter, still less one book.

Congratulations @Strugglingsoul19 . You just need to tough this out and do what's right for you. Do your in laws know your P was abusive? Your own happiness and that of your children is by far the most important thing here. Do not sacrifice your own happiness based on how a third party might react.

You have every right to happiness with a new baby and any man you choose..
It's your life

With whatever situation you find yourself in you can never make everyone happy all the time so you have to live for you and do what makes you happy. So do what makes you happy. Start from that. Stop trying to please other people.

Please get some support. It does not matter what anyone else thinks, this is your life!!

Have you an Employee Assistance Program at work? You could call them for free and confidential counselling or advice.

You might be totally surprised at how happy people would be for you. And if they are not then they will be if they love and care about you.

My dad always says ‘you have a brain, use it and f*ck everyone else’

do what’s right for you and your children, you HAVE to, even if it is hard to. Very best of luck x

Is he married?

OP I think it's only natural that you are worried about how your children will react to this BUT you shouldn't consider a termination unless you really don't want a baby. Talk to your partner and find out how he feels. Please don't let extended family and friends influence your decision - they are not the important ones here. Your feelings and your children's feelings are the only thing you need to consider.

Exactly this.

Are you a people pleaser op?

I think you've answered your own question.
While I understand your reservations, you and your kids deserve to move forward and live a happy life.
He sounds perfect for everyone.
Go for it and good luck x

Are you honestly considering an abortion because you're worried what people might say.

Jesus.

Just get on with your life.