I have really screwed up - trigger warning ( termination )

@Strugglingsoul19 your relationship is your business, sounds like a much more positive one than the last was. Maybe scale back on late partner's family involvement as in them just turning up and demanding info etc. It's nice they want to keep in touch but still sounds controlling on their behalf. Good luck!

OP, I don’t know you but I just feel so happy for you. You’ve been through a really tough time, and you’ve finally found happiness in your life. Honestly, don’t ruin that by worrying about what other people will think. You seriously will regret it. You and your partner clearly want this baby, so go for it. Anyone’s disagreement towards it all is their problem and not yours. Please, please, don’t let the opinions of other shape your future and whole life. You deserve this, so go with it.

You can keep the baby provided that:
you can afford it
your employment and that of the man is stable
it will not have a negative impact on your living DC and SC
you both want it
you have enough space for it

Who cares what anyone else thinks?

Sounds like you have had enough grief in your life to deal with already, potentially a termination will just add to that. Give yourself some time to work through what you really want, put the in laws out of your mind for the moment, as much as you can.

I think that the people around you who love you would want you to have whatever you want and for you to not put yourself through more heartache. Yes, grief does funny things to people, and reactions can be unpredictable, but hopefully your in laws will come to understand.

Hi OP. Not sure if this story will help. On of my managers in a previous job died. She was 29 and left behind a 5 year old and a husband. She was really close to a lady at work, lets call her Sarah. The husband and Sarah got chatting at the funeral, and were bonded in grief. Within a few months they were a couple. An ex colleague told me and I was like ‘oh, right’. When I next saw Sarah I asked her how she was. She mentioned her boyfriend, who she had been with a year at that point. She said the kids knew and were really happy. But there was some kind of feeling from the dead wifes family. It did not stop them being in a relationship and they were very happy together.

and you deserve to be happy to. To walk down the street holding hands with your partner without worrying someone will see. To not be crushed under the weight of other peoples opinions, people who may make a comment once or twice and then will get over it. Could living in secret mean your partner would ever leave? How does he feel about the pregnancy?

if you could keep the baby, would you? Is moving away from these people and a fresh start an option?

I haven't voted as I don't know how to interpret the options.

I don't think you have done anything wrong in sleeping with this man who offered you support when you were vulnerable. I don't think you are doing anything wrong in moving on with your life and having a relationship.

Regardless of what you decide to do about the pregnancy, I think you should use this as a sign to share with your family and friends that you are moving on.

Given that there was apparent abusive/controlling behaviour in your past relationship and that this one began while you were in an emotionally vulnerable state, I would also suggest that you really do take the time to consider this current relationship and whether it is equal, healthy and supportive.

All the best.

This is an ideal situation for the grandparents. They know you’ll move on with someone, they’d naturally worry about their place once you do. In this scenario it’s someone they know, someone their son trusted to be godparent to his children, presumably someone they like? He knows them, he’ll be more tolerant of them popping round than a complete stranger would be. They probably already have suspicions anyway.
He knew & cared for the children’s father so can tell them all about their dad & how he grew up, so will help keep their dads memory alive (only the good bits)
Anyone who can’t be happy for you in this new relationship, doesn’t deserve to be in your life.

Do what’s right for you & your family.

Is he married? Or a blood relation of either of you?

If not- have the baby and be happy together.

Sod everybody else, just do what YOU and your boyfriend want to do. Life is too short to not be with the person you love and to be able to tell people that you are so. Grasp every bit of happiness you can.

I think, if you can, you need to tell everyone at the same time if you can. Maybe by a carefully worded email? And first send a text to say you are about to do that.

They will hopefully go off and discuss it amongst themselves until they have absorbed the news.

You can address the email to everyone you think needs to know.

Do you want this baby?

You should do what makes you, your partner and children happy. Yes it was awful to lose your children’s father and it’s great that you have stayed close to his family however don’t sacrifice your own happiness for them.

You have one life and if your new partner makes you happy then go for it, if they love and care for you they should be happy for you all.

Exactly this.

How could he ever forgive you for aborting his child simply because you’re too scared to tell people how much you love him?

you love him, your children love him … I fail to see anything in this situation other than a miraculous happy ending.

you never got closure from your first marriage, because your dh died and you were supposed to grieve him even whilst knowing in your heart he wasn’t treating you properly. You are still living in the shadow of that guilt that you took some relief from your dh not being around. Obviously you didnt want him to die! But it has worked out better for you in the long run.

just accept the happiness that life is granting you, make peace with yourself. Once you forgive yourself for moving on, you won’t worry what other people think because you will know you have done the right thing and the best thing.

It feel like you are waiting for someone to give you permission. That's the gift you have to give yourself. Its OK to be happy and you can decide that.

Stop worrying about what other people think. What do you want? You haven’t said you don’t want the baby. That suggests that, judgement aside, you’d keep it. With that in mind, remember people adjust quickly. Once a baby arrives everyone loves it. And there’s something lovely about you being with your husband’s best friend. You both knew him. He knows and lives your kids. I think you can absolutely keep the baby.

I remember a saying; "Those that matter don't mind and those that mind don't matter".

It sounds like you are in a great place now and you deserve that. Congratulations!

What would you say to a friend in the same situation? Take it from there! 😊 good luck op, I wish you all the happiness in the world!

100% this.

Put yourself and your happiness first.

OP basically you think you should abort so as not to shock and upset the family of your decease husband?
If so - that is the wrong reason.
You need to move on. In a few years time these ILs may fall out with you for another matter or you may just want to break away from them.
How will you feel then about the abortion?

You need to speak to him OP.

Deciding something like this on your own, a serious life decision, purely on how other people may or may not react... Seems potentially foolish.
If you're happy, your new DP is happy, and it sounds like the kids like him, then maybe it's a goer?
As for your ex-DPs family... Not really any of their business.
And perhaps if you'd had a chance to ask your ex, "who would you like me to end up with?" "His best friend" probably isn't a bad shout.

From everything you've said, OP, congratulations seems to be the right response. You are happy with a caring partner who loves your children as well as you. Let yourself move forward - with therapy if needed - and enjoy this new chapter in your life. All good wishes to you!

It's time to live your life in the way you want to. Go public, you're doing nothing wrong and you and your kids deserve this happiness. You've not screwed up at all. Have your baby if that's what you want.

What other people think is their business. They're not the ones living your life and they have NO say in how you live it. Move forward, and I wish you continued happiness.

You lost your partner 2 years ago, you are entitled to find happiness regardless of other people’s opinion (and everyone unfortunately has one).
Most importantly what other people think of your pregnancy should not be the deciding factor on whether you terminate the pregnancy or not, bloody hell it’s nowt to do with them!

You've answered your own question.

Go be happy. Anyone who truly loved you would want that for you.