I have really screwed up - trigger warning ( termination )

This probably for the son whose friend did a sexual assault?

Sod everyone else! You haven’t done anything wrong, if you’re happy and in love why should you have an abortion? Your children will be fine and happier with a happy mum.

I think you can have everything you want without adding another child into this situation.

This does not seem the right time for this baby. You have three children who will live with the trauma of having lost their father, they need you, you need you.

You need to learn how to be, in this new life, without your previous partner, you need time to allow this new love to grow, to enjoy it, to find space for you as a couple, which will already be challenging with three children.

You deserve to be happy, grab that with both hands, but take things slowly, don't complicate things. Put the children that you have already, first.

I think you would be very silly to throw away your own happiness because you might ruffle a few feathers in some wider family (who probably wouldn't say anything to your face anyway!). They also probably already know.

I think realistically they should be happy for you. Somebody you and your partner trusted, who the kids have known their whole lives, who stepped up for all of you in a time of utter crisis and who hasn't let you down since. If I died and left behind a family thats exactly what I'd want for them.

You're fine op you're over thinking, you only get one life dont full it with regret.

I am *not sure which way I am suppose to vote but life is for the living.

If this hurts their feelings or confronts them with the loss of their son, understand this is all tied to the original event of losing their son. That has already happened. And you have lost him, too. For worse or for better.

It doesn't mean no good things are allowed to flow from that unfortunate event later, if that is what you want.

Congratulations to you.

IMO, you shouldnt be do hard on yourself.

It has been 2 years.

Do what feels right to YOU, sod everyone else x

Those who matter won't care - those who care don't matter

People who love you will be happy for you.

"Those who matter don't mind & those mind don't matter".

just to say, please do not "get rid" of a pregnancy if its not what either of you would want to do, it is very very very common for friends of the deceased and partner of deceased to get together after the bereavement, it somehow brings those people closer, my lovely friend died a few years ago, she wasn't old, early 40's, her husband is now with her friend who she was very close with, when i found out initially i was shocked and looked online only to discover its very common,
then you come to realise does the remaining living parter have to suffer alone for the rest of their lives...no, go on love be happy, have a happy future and let your kids be loved too by a step parent who's already a huge part in their lives.
Also the family may also be shocked initially, but hey, you and new partner brining a new baby into the family could be healing in a way. please go with your hearts not anyone elses

Life is for living OP. You sound so happy with your new DP, don’t let go of that happiness. If you both want a baby together that’s your decision together, I’d not worry about other people’s opinions.

@Strugglingsoul19 please don't let the paternal family have this much control over your life. Your DP died two years ago, your relationship with his friend has nothing to do with him and has nothing to do with his family.

It should have no effect on their relationship with you and to be honest if they aren't happy and take a step back then it actually sounds like it will make it a much healthier dynamic as they're far too involved.

Do what makes you happy. If you and your partner want to keep the baby then please do.

It doesn't need to be a big drama, you tell them that you and your partner got together and fell in love a number of months ago and your children are going to have another sibling.

They have two choices accept it and carry on, or don't accept it and act like dickheads at which point you say thank you for your help and support over the last two years, you understand they're uncomfortable therefore they'll understand why it's no longer an open invitation to see the kids and to please ask before coming over and you can make mutually convenient arrangements for contact.

Oh for goodness sake none of that is relevant to this post. She’s not a teenager. She’s a grown woman with an existing family. She knows exactly how much money and time a baby needs. And, quite frankly, plenty of people have babies who can barely afford them. One of my dearest friends and her husband both have creative careers. When she got pregnant they were no financially stable, but she said it’s always going to be a bit fly by the seat of their pants and they’d regret it if they left it too late to have children while searching for economic stability. They have two beautiful children who are having a lovely happy childhood. You don’t need to be rich to have a good upbringing in the U.K.

Full disclosure, my first DH died many years ago. The first person I slept with after he passed was his cousins friend. I'd met him a few times, he was safe. He understood my grief so I completely understand how this relationship has blossomed.

I really don't think this is that bad, OP. Not to diminish your feelings, but I think you're probably over-worrying.

You deserve happiness. You are allowed to continue living a new life. You are not being disrespectful to your deceased DP.

Ok, it's not ideal is someone you both knew but love is love. Please do not abort this baby if it's something you both want.

Whether you inform people of your relationship now or in 5/10 years time, people will still have an opinion.

You need to own this but don't be dictated by it.

Stop worrying what others think do what's right for you. It's been 2 years you both single.....

Things like this happen more often than most people think, you might be surprised by everyone’s reaction. Even if they don’t like it, so what it’s not their life

Don’t give yourself such a hard time, you’ve done nothing wrong

Congratulations 👶💐

I have said YABU on the basis that you are allowed to move on with your life with whoever you choose. It is very natural that you will have grown close to someone who you know and trust and who has been there for you through the hard times. If people can't understand that they should have the privilege of being pa part of your life. Do not be a martyr to other peoples prejudice. If you personally do not want another child then do not have one, if you are terminating because of other people's reactions then please think again.

You are NOT a bad Mum or a bad person!!

re- read your own post, you are finally happy.

your late DP sounds very insecure & controlling & while it's considered poor form to speak ill of the dead, we don't have to pretend they were saints either!.

it's lovely if you to have kept the children close to their Dads family BUT it seems like you have allowed them a bit too much. YOU are your kids parent, not them! YOU are your own person, not 'just' your late DP's partner or their Grandchildren's parent!!

Please don't terminate a pregnancy that you & your partner both want to continue just because of them.

They can learn to accept your relationship or they can can take a big step backwards out if YOUR life. None of them are seeking your approval to live their lives the way they choose are they??

your partner wants to be 'out' & move forward together, HE makes you happy, your kids are happy. Don't do something you are almost certain to regret & risk spoiling what you have built together 🌷

Agree with one of the PP above. Email or text them as a group. Tell them the one thing you’ve learnt is that life is short and precious, and things happen out of the blue…

Have the baby and enjoy your life. The pre-existing children matter. No one else does

Then live it!
Your partner has gone and he’s never coming back. You are the one left behind to pick up the pieces.

Live your life.

I don’t quite get what you mean about it being your partners best friend. Why would they take issue with that ?

If you love each other and both want this baby then go for it.

It’s nobody’s business but your own.

Even if some people would be upset so what ,you can’t live your life for other people.

Your dc seem to like him and I bet they would be absolutely over the moon if you got together officially and presented them with a baby brother or sister.

Please think before you terminate. By the sounds of it it would make you extremely unhappy if you went ahead with it.

Leave others to deal with it in their own way.

You have NOT screwed up!

Crikey. Have a relationship with him! You already are and should not be ashamed. Anyone worth their salt with be so happy for you

It may be the right thing for everybody else but they don’t matter. You, your male (best) friend, your expected baby and your step/children are the only ones who matter in this situation.
You have already had a pretty bad time with the passing of your children’s dad, whether the relationship was great or not. It’s still part of your past life and you probably feel bad that you couldn’t love him and some regret that he died. So why can’t you have some happiness now? You are not at all stupid getting pregnant. It’s your body, your choice and you are in a loving relationship.There is nothing to stop you, including disapproving family.
Personally, I would like to say congratulations! I hope you will see sense because with a loving partner, great kids and a new baby, you have got the recipe for a great life and I hope you run with it. Please don’t abort the little baby! You would never forgive yourself.
As for your late partner’s family, yes, they will be sad because your happiness with their son would have been what they wanted. That’s understandable. Consequently, they may say something a bit hurtful, but maybe not. Either way, they should not be allowed to upset you. Ignore them.
Have a great life with your partner and the children. Life is short. Enjoy it!
(By the way, I have just become a great-grandmother and I must just say that holding a newborn is a feeling like no other, so go for it!) 🌺