I have really screwed up - trigger warning ( termination )

Fuck everyone else. Keep the baby, be happy and move on with your life.

You seem to have spent a long time worrying and caring about others, and finally you have a partner who is good to you. I feel that now is the time to try to focus on your own needs and not worry about everyone else. If you want this baby then it’s the right decision for everyone - if you are only considering termination because you want to protect his family etc then you owe yourself much more. Sending love.

Don’t have a relationship with someone because you feel sorry for them.

Your kids will cope with a little Half- sibling more than a twat of a stepfather.

You know you’re allowed to have a new relationship, right? No one can expect you to remain single after your partner passed away. 2 years is a very reasonable time to have a new relationship.

If your life and you only get one !!
if your friends and family love u then they will be happy for u and the children
if anyone isn’t happy they are not your friends x

No I haven’t posted on the wrong thread. I don’t think I’m odd.
Just hoping that the new partner is as good as OP says.
She obviously fell for her previous partner but he became controlling.
Hoping her new one is great and will step up when there is another child to consider.

Do not abort your child on the basis of what former in-laws think.

I am. Of sure however that this guy should move in . He seems a bit enmeshed…. Obviously I don’t know nuance. He doesn’t need to be at your kids’ events or know medical stuff.

Do not let him move in. You have had one controlling relationship already,

Well, that's the answer.
You both want this

Life is too short to be anything but happy. Have your baby, enjoy your life. People will get over it.

Only have a termination if you truly don’t want this baby. Fuck what “everybody” thinks.
you can’t please all the people all of the time x

Haven’t RTFT, just OP’s updates. But @Strugglingsoul19 you sound like you deserve happiness, which this man brings to you. I think now might be the time to start sharing your relationship with people. Do I think that should also include a new baby? No, I think it should be a sign to open up about the relationship but maybe go ahead with the termination and save a having a baby with him until later down the line if that’s an option and everything is still going well.
But as you should be learning from this thread, it shouldn’t matter what other people think as long as you are happy.
Good luck ❤️

you can't have an abortion because of what your deceased partner's family might think. it's not their life or their business.

If you are happy and indepenent, and your children will be ok, then go ahead.

Eh? This isn't a thread about her relationship with her DP. Have you posted on the wrong thread or are you just a bit odd 🤔

It is fantastic that you’ve found love and a supportive partner. I think it would be wonderful if you can be open and embrace it.

but just a wee note (intended with kindness) that the tendency to compare vs before will likely not comfort others and may come across as you justifying your actions (when you don’t need to). You absolutely can feel that to be true, but framing it simply as ‘I am very happy now’ or ‘I have found myself again since DH died’ is sufficient and welcomes joy from others, vs encouraging a comparison.

Don't base a termination purely on what other people think. If they loved and cared for you,they'd want you to be happy. Surely?

OP please don’t let other people influence such a monumental decision. Kids adapt, they’ll be fine. You don’t have to worry about other adults, it’s none of their business. Talk to your partner and just work out if the baby is wanted and will be loved.

Has he been married and/or have children of his own ?
Is he financially stable independently of you ?
ie He isn’t a cocklodger.

Ah I see you've made the decision! I really think it's the right one.

It's been two years. You are still young and you deserve to be happy. His family are going to have to accept that you are ready to move on and live your life at some point, so why not now? There is no right or wrong time frame to officially mourn. The right person comes into our lives at the most inconvenient times sometimes and you can't pass up the chance to be happy because of some sort of protocol.

If you don't feel ready for another child, or don't feel sure you want a child with him then my all means get a termination if it feels right. But if you love him, if you are happy, if you could see a future with him and you know he'd love nothing more than to create a new blended family with you, his godchildren and a new child together then please don't let fear/guilt stand in the way of that.

This pregancy could be the catalyst that gives you the courage to tell others (and his family especially) that you have found happiness again with his friend. You could simply tell the truth. Say 'I've been keeping it quiet because I was worried it was too soon, but now this has happened I know it's what I want and I'm ready to let you all know. Please give us your blessing, but I'm doing it anyway.'

It's so clear you want this baby OP. This is your life so live it to the full.

Picture yourself, all the DCs including baby and your partner happy and thriving together.

Now picture you and your current DCs, possibly broken up with DP as this baby is clearly something he wants, grieving and abortion you didn't want.

Is the second scenario really worth avoiding the disapproval of your in-laws? Which I doubt will last anyway if they're reasonable people generally and want to keep contact with the DC!

Just a final thing - I had an abortion that I absolutely did want. It still screwed me over mentally - I cried solidly for days and still sometimes now, years later. And that was a baby I definitely didn't want. I know not everyone is affected like this but honestly after the trauma of your H dying (in the way I assume he did from your posts) do you not deserve a little happiness? If you go ahead and it does affect you like it did me, is that fair on your kids? Surely the best for them is a happy mum modelling a healthy relationship.

Dear, you shouldn’t spend one more minute not living your life.
It might feel guilt for him not having that chance anymore while you do.
stopping yourself from being happy or live fully, will not make any amend to him not being here anymore. Neither will make up for how he lived his life. And it won’t make your children happier either.

He's right.

Anyone who judges can just go fuck themselves. There's nothing to judge.

Sensitive of you. She's just mentioned how she came out of an abusive relationship (under very distressing circumstances). And we all know how women are also unfairly judged by our relationship choices and practically every decision we make for our families.