Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To be worried about dd’s future

52 replies

alwaysaworryaway · 25/06/2025 12:14

My dd has been a SAHP since she got pregnant at 16 and is now 42 and is expecting her 5th baby. Her Dh earns very little to be honest and they rely on my help a lot.
She didn’t do very well in her exams at school and isn’t academic, she also had no further education after leaving school and has no work experience.

So with no pension, barely any income and 5 children one has moved out now, I just don’t know what will become of her.
She just seems to have written life off and is drifting along just trying to get through.
I worry because she’s never had any friends and never seems to be happy.
At some point she’ll have to find paid work as she’s got another 30 years almost of working years but I don’t know how she’ll go about this when the time comes, which it inevitably will.
I can’t be around to support them forever.

OP posts:
OldEnoughToFancyBobGeldof · 25/06/2025 12:27

42 and pregnant with her 5th baby
So she has spent her entire life having children she can’t afford to look after.
Partner Earns very little
Because he’s a deadbeat who knows you will bail them out.
Relies on you helping out
financially.
Stop giving them money, I couldn’t see my grandchildren go without food and the basics but if I were you I’d be telling my daughter that I thought she completely selfish and irresponsible.

largeredformeplease · 25/06/2025 12:19

Sorry, Op, that doesn’t sound good.

From what you’ve written she does sound like one those people who has become somewhat institutionalised, on benefits forever and expects other people to look after them.

Some people are happy with this lifestyle, but you say she never seems to be happy.

it’ll be hard to get a job at her age with no experience. she could do it if she was motivated, but I’d imagine she won’t be and would find it all very daunting.

I wonder if there is someway to build her confidence and get her back into the world of work?

Although if she’s currently expecting her 5th baby it might be a year or two before she can do that. And even then she’s not going to be able to find work to cover childcare for the younger kids.

Sorry Op, it does sound really tough.

Swipe left for the next trending thread