Please don't give my husband more paternity leave.

I haven’t looked up the author but there is also a “went to a private girls school vibe”. They often seem to view men like another species who couldn’t possibly be expected to act like a decent human being.

He sounds awful. My husband had 6 weeks off. He did all the cooking and washing and laundry. He also took the baby to let me sleep. It was 100% helpful.
She doesn’t have an issue with longer maternity leave, she has an issue with marrying someone who spending time with is a chore.

This is spouted all the time on MN but it’s nonsense. There isn’t even a 6 week check so how are these GP’s and midwives pressuring a new mother into sex after 6 weeks?

Plus, unfortunately, in a still sexist society, i fear seeing the awfulness of mat pay through the lens of its impact on men if applied to extended pat leave might be our best bet to get a proper discussion on increasing parental leave pay generally.

I got a steam generator iron when my eldest started at a school where he has to wear shirts (he's dyspraxic, and there's no way he'd manage to iron a shirt in less than 30 mins, and he'd be covered in burns, so I do them for him) and have gone from previously ironing nothing at all, to ironing loads of stuff (teatowel stack so much better in the draw when flat!)

But yes, her issue is a useless husband, not paternity leave.

Mind you, I also had a useless partner, and TBH, him not taking paternity leave did give me some resentment, not sure if it set the tone for me looking after the kids around my job though - I suspect that even with paternity leave he'd have done that. So probably still just my poor choice of partner (now ex) rather than paternity leave's fault.

I'm sorry you had a partner that was so lacking in emotional maturity

Absolutely not! Nobody forced anyone, but there is an underlying expectation, just because people are pushing the government for extended leave, doesn’t mean everyone else wants it.

Derailing and important topic over ironing and expectations of sex is why woman’s rights get trampled.

The author has a point. One worth a discussion.

Unfortunately nobody knows what it’s going to be like until you are in that position.

How many young mothers suffering domestic abuse will suffer further? How many alcoholic fathers will stay home and drink themselves stupid? Again, how many so called fathers will take the time and not be any help, leaving the single mothers to cope alone whilst being paid full time for 6 months?

Not everyone has a perfect set up, they just don’t, we’ve been together 25 years, perfectly happy, raised amazing children. But those first 6 months are quite a vulnerable time where woman should be front and centre of any decisions made that affect them.

I would gladly have swapped the paternity leave for more flexible working so DH could attend appointments or events, school shows, sports days, doctors appointments, as opposed to sitting round for 6 months ‘helping’

Whispers... I dont even have a dryer...

She has a useless, selfish husband but instead of actually dealing with that she just wants him (and any other father out there) out of the house so she can pretend it’s not happening. Great !

Prioritising improving maternity leave only reinforces the idea that fathers/ paternity should take a back step.

I agree that SMP is not great but actually it is so much more important for society and women to work on normalising equal roles of both parents in raising children.

This. Quilting and funerals in this house (sadly more of the latter than weddings of late!). Long since switched all my work clothes to either iron-free or dry clean only.

I hang mine on the line to dry, or a maiden if it’s raining.

The only time I iron is if I’m going somewhere really posh.

I think it could be good equaliser at work when it comes to long absences and subsequent promotions etc tbh. (yes we have laws, but...)

Just fold and flatten them out whilst still wet and leave for 10 mins and then hang out to dry - no ironing needed (except for shirts)!

I understand that point and maybe that would be what would happen in many relationships (not in mine for sure).
But I believe we should be improving maternity leave first, the value of SMP is just not acceptable. If you don't have a partner who pays the bills, or if you're a single mother, you just can't afford it. And the childcare until they start school, same thing. IMO these arevteh facts that contribute the most for women taking longer career breaks, not the very early months maternity leave. All of this should be tackled first, before we look at paternity leave.

Low spin in washing machine then properly hang it while it's very wet. We also buy with no ironing in mind. Very rarely something needs ironing. Very rarely. But also we don't wear things like office shirts and such much.

DH is self employed and took 5 days off with DC 1 and 3 days with DC 2. It would have been good to have him home for longer, although I suspect he may have started doing DIY, or gardening rather than any practical help with baby or household chores.He took up golf the week DC1 was born having never played once in the previous 8 years I'd known him. PIL came to "help" when DC2 was born and spent the day pruning the apple tree while I stayed indoors with a newborn and toddler!

I think that there should be an option for men to have longer, however I don't think it should necessarily be fully funded. For example when babies end up in NICU or after cesarean sections when women need the mental and physical support. I was happy for DH to go back to work after two weeks but I didn't have any complications or PND. He was also happy to be back to the routine of work meaning that he mentally had a break so when he came home he was awesome in the evenings getting stuff done and the times DD or DS screamed for hours every night.

I can see why women might need that additional support. I think it needs to be on a sliding scale like women's maternity pay I.e two weeks full pay and so on. I don't think it should be fully funded for 6 weeks plus.

I’ve not forgotten, I’ve only just gone back to work after maternity leave. I’m sure my husband would have loved to been having sex hypothetically as soon as possible but he also has the emotional intelligence to realise that I’d gone through a very traumatic physical experience and was absolutely exhausted and that maybe his sexual needs weren’t a priority at that exact moment in time. He certainly wasn’t sitting round expecting sex because I’d passed a magic medically ‘acceptable’ point.

Besides, having a husband who was actively supporting me and equally sharing the load rather than ‘expecting sex’ only made our relationship stronger which is only beneficial in terms of sex life once we were both ready.

I've never had a professional "push" me to accept sex at any point in my life. Just because it's physically OK to do something, doesn't mean you have to do it. My husband was grown up enough to wait until I was ready. I'm sorry you had a partner that was so lacking in emotional maturity.

More paternity leave has huge benefits on the personal and societal level. My husband looks after our child with no guidance, no setting out clothes/ activities/ food, explaining basic parenting, he has always been super involved and I've been able to not fall in to default parent and I thank shared parental leave for that. We had some together and he had some alone. That time alone was key for his confidence.

On a society level, there will always be bias, pay gaps and career issues when women can and are expected to take large chunks of time off but men aren't.

Obviously this all works best with men who want to be involved and women who want to let them be equal parents.

What in the fuck have I just read??!!

“performing the role of pleasant, accommodating spouse and dutiful composed mother because your husband is home is exhausting”

Domestic invasion?!
This wasn’t written in 2025, surely 🤯

Don't use a dryer they're awful for the environment. Hang on airer they dry straight, fold, place in cupboard or on hanger. Only ironed interview clothes in 10y

'I think some of you are blind to your partners short comings in this area'

Umm, no. If you can't stand the idea of inhabiting the same space as your husband for a few months then there's something dysfunctional there. 'Ignoring the mess piling up in the kitchen and expecting sex' does not sound like a particularly healthy co-partnership.

Perhaps you are 'blind' to shortcomings in your own marriage.

I'd absolutely love for my husband to be here for 6 months with no work responsibilities after our baby is born. I married someone who I actually get along with, love deeply, and is a good team mate.

I don't like the tone of the article but tbh I kind of agree with her! My DH had a long paternity leave (we're abroad) and I wanted to strangle him by the end of it. And he does plenty of housework, night feeds etc.

Allowing more flexibility for both parents at work, especially early finishes and late starts, would be more helpful.

And we definitely do not have an ironing pile! Piles of clean laundry that never seem to get put away though...

sounds familiar . i can relate to her

mine thought paternity leave was a holiday. He wanted fun days out, invite people round for drinks, visit long lost family not seen for decades etc

ahh the time he cooked dinner and put a glass salad dish on the hob to heat up. That was lovely 💥