Please don't give my husband more paternity leave.

I have a couple of dresses I like the collar bit ironed so my husband does that if I ask. He irons all his shirts but if my clothes need ironing after washing I normally just don't wear them again. Life is too short.

Tumble drying is a red herring. I don't tumble dry any of my clothes, it's washing line or airer here, shaken before hanging up and it's rare that anything is visibly creased.

I defy anyone to distinguish ironed and none ironed clothes once the wearer has had them on for long enough to be out in public.

Are you running a laundry service?

We do five loads a week (whites, lights, brights, darks and towels) and never use our dryer. We have two floor airers and a pulley airer - each can take a full load to dry. By the time three washes have been done, enough is dry to make space for the next wash.

If it’s good enough weather, we obviously would use the washing line in the garden but we get by all winter with those three airers with no issue.

And, yes, tumble drying means you’ll need to iron. Give any item a hard shake and dry work/school shirts on the hanger and you’ll never iron again.

Granted there's only 2 of us, but I just have 2x airers and dump them under the lean-To in the garden

I don't understand the non-ironers at all. I don't have and can't have a dryer (no space) so T shirts, cotton trousers, shirts, get ironed or I'd look even more unkempt.

My partner gets 4 months that can be taken anytime in the first year. Last time he took half at the beginning and the rest right before our daughter turned 1. I did need him home for those first 2 months because I'd had a C-section and needed him to do the heavy lifting, housework, etc.

Is that you husband-of-Tilly? Nice bit of misogyny there!

Does any woman really think their DP having a massive cock is a great thing? I genuinely thought only men would think such a thing. It’s what you do with your whole body (including using it to balance the household workload) that’s more important than the size of your appendage.

If I hung every item if clothing washed in my house on an airer, pretty much every inch of floor space would need to be dedicated to it!

I used to think I couldn't cope either but when chronic illness comes along you have to just let some things slide. And tbh if stuff is hung up as soon as the washing machine finishes it doesn't need ironing. My work tunics look the same whether ironed or not tbh!

And if I have a hankering for crisply ironed sheets I book into a hotel

Quite!

If it’s just to recover from birth then its length would be determined by a doctor doing regular assessments - not a flat 52 week cap for all women regardless of how you gave birth, what complications you had, how you’re recovering…

If it’s just to recover from birth then it wouldn’t be just as long for adopting.

And the idea that most women several weeks/months after giving birth are well enough to look after a child all day by themselves but still too unwell to work doesn’t make any sense at all.

And, do we really think women who don’t breastfeed should have reduced maternity leave? Seeing as that’s what maternity leave is for 🙄

Some people truly live in caves

This lol! I do iron my work clothes and uniforms and used to iron nearly all my clothes but I’ve started buying stuff that looks like it won’t need ironed. Saw a lovely top in Next but all I could think of was “that would be an absolute bugger to iron” so I didn’t buy it.

The article does make me cringe on their behalf - they just sound like a couple of knobs.

But I do think there is an element of classicism around extended paternity leave. IME it’s a very middle class thing. The very wealthy will outsource most of the drudgery and still have a good income coming into the household.

Those in poorer paid/typical working class employment will struggle more because fathers will be unable to work extra, do overtime etc. and the mother may be only on statuary maternity pay which is shit.

I was happy for DH to have a month off and he was great at covering all the household chores, shopping whilst I did the night feeds etc. and got used to being a mother. Longer would have been nice but we couldn’t have afforded him not to go back to work as he supplemented his pay with overtime.

I also think that good dads can still develop great bonds with their DC even if they are back at work earlier and no one should be guilt tripped into not taking longer off.

If your partner is crap they’ll still be crap no matter how long their paternity leave is!

Yep

Why didn’t you go back to work then? If you couldn’t stand being at home any longer?

You marrying someone you can’t stand isn’t a fair reason to deny other people fair rights.

This is similar vibe to men in the 70s going “please don’t give my wife her own bank account, she already spends too much of my money 😂😂😂” 🙄

Don't be ridiculous. Recovering from birth and establishing breast feeding is a lot easier when you have someone looking after you and helping you. Being left to do it all on your own 5 days a week isn't promoting recovery.

Studies show that when the father has longer off work the mother is happier and has lower rates of PPD.

This. So many women of child bearing age still face discrimination as employers don't want to promote them in case they have a baby and take time off. Where I live now, both partners have equal leave and it's fully paid at 100% of your salary so most people take it. This really is the best way to close the gender pay gap. Also, I found it so useful having my husband home and couldn't imagine how we would have coped if we were still living in the UK.

Perhaps he earns a lot and is hung like a horse.

All the pp’s twittering about Tilly ironing, I was more horrified that she referred to her baby as a ‘thing.’
Anyhow the whole piece is like a lesson on how to exaggerate and I shouldn’t think her dh cares because she’s getting paid to write this, imo, claptrap.

I hang shirts, trousers, dresses to dry on coat hangers and they look ironed once dried. Everything else is air dried and looks fine.

I dont own an ironing board or normal iron. I do have a hand held steam iron for very special occasions, but I use it maybe once every few months.

Correct.

To be fair you were the one who said your husband ‘expecting sex’ was a reason why you wouldn’t be in favour of extending paternity leave so it seems a bit disingenuous for you to claim posters picking up on that aspect of your post are derailing the thread. I’d argue men’s expectations of women sexually are actually a pretty important aspect of how women are viewed or valued in society and thus quite an important factor in women’s rights.

I also disagree that because some husbands would abuse the system means that all families should have the option taken away. In your alcoholic/domestic abuse scenarios the problem clearly goes much further than if dad is off work for two weeks vs two months (or longer).

If I were Tilly, I’d be getting my ducks in a row. Useless man.

Nope, not blind, I just have a decent human as a husband. A decent person does not pester for sex. They take equal responsibility for cleaning mess and child rearing.

Just because some people are shit it doesn’t mean that children should lose out on having a mother and father having a decent chunk of time off after their child is born to bond and learn how to rear a child together. Showing their offspring domestic duties are not the sole preserve of a woman.

We took shared parental and luckily we are both decent human beings who are able to care for our children on our own, sort domestic tasks and share the load, ensuring no resentment and complete respect. Our lives are stress free, and we have a wonderful and loving family unit. I think men and women should get equal paid time off (full pay) for six months and you use it or lose it. Many companies already do this.

Exactly. The irony, literally

At six weeks most women are still bleeding. Your facts aren’t facting. Young men? They aren’t in their teens. Maybe these men should have a wank instead of forcing their partners to have sex with them or have some self control. Disgusting to expect sex when they have just given birth. Rapey behaviour if these men can’t control themselves

Unfortunately this may be true. How many men will actually take up extended leave if paid only the SMP? (SPP??)
MAYBE THEN someone will look at it.
It's infuriating to think of it thus way.
I don't think normalising equal roles of parents will be achieved through extended paternal leave, though. I think ots a cultural change in the misogynistic views that's starts when boys are young. And this seems to be getting worse with social media and the mesosphere, not better.