Please don't give my husband more paternity leave.

Exactly. The UK has one of the lowest breastfeeding rates in the world alongside likely above average maternity leave.

Conversely, the US, with famously far shorter maternity leave, has much higher breastfeeding rates.

Let’s face it though, there is almost certainly a direct correlation between men who take time out of work to care for their babies in infancy and those who take time off work when their children are ill. It’s all linked.

It was no big deal for me though. It helped me that dp could split the leave. I'm disabled and I was in a pretty bad place after dc2. Lots of women dont breastfeed. And I can bet you it has nothing to do with being able to split maternity leave

Yeah grand, yourself? (Hint: lots of misogyny is dressed up as “banter”).

If you hang linene and cotton whrn it's proper wet, it usually sorts itself out

Don't buy linen! It's easy.

This is very valid. But also to build this world, dad needs to be taking last-minute unplanned leave becaused the baby has chicken pox just as often as mum.

@itbemay1 - I don't own anything linen, so can't comment on that. But DH's work shirts and many of my clothes are cotton. The trick is to take them out of the washing machine as soon as it finishes. Do not use the dryer. Give them a good shake, pull sleeves and collars straight, and then put on a hanger and hang to dry immediately.

I iron. What do PPs do with linen and cotton fabrics? Am I missing some secret way of never ironing?

Big difference between "recommend" and "should".

@Zimunya @K0OLA1D WHO, NHS and CDC recommend breastfeeding, yes. Sorry if that offends you. You can choose to do whatever you want and fed is best, always. I don't actually advocate for EBF because of my own experience. But it's quite damaging to tell women to do one thing, while pretending it's no big deal and dads can just as well be the primary carers. My point is it just adds to women's workload.

I felt like this. I would've hated my ex being round any longer. I felt maternity leave was mine as I had grown, birthed and breastfed the babies.

but then he's an ex for a reason

@K0OLA1D - I didn't breastfeed either. I never got milk - apparently quite a common phenomenon after a traumatic birth with massive blood loss. Such a shame my body didn't get the memo about what it "should" be doing.

On the bright side, as with your family, DH was able to share a lot of the care for DD, and they have an amazing bond.

I didnt breastfeed. Even though that apparently 'should' have happened. And I went back to work early both times and let DP have the remainder of my leave. It worked amazingly well for us.

@Rookie889 - a child "should" be breastfed for the first six months? Really?

A child should be exclusively breastfed for the first 6 months and then still breastfed until 12 months alongside weaning. I had to go back to work at 6 months as I didn't live in the UK when I had my first and it was horrific. Until closer to 9 months when baby was on 3 meals a day, I spent around 1.5 - 2 hours of a working day pumping milk. Add to that teething (and 6-12 months is prime teething time) , I was getting an average of 2 hours of sleep a night when teething was really bad. Luckily my baby slept like a dream once a tooth would come out so I had some decent sleep now and then.

My employer was paying 100% of my salary and getting maybe 50% work from me. I hated it, my baby hated it, my employer sure as hell did not benefit from it either.

It's very disingenuous to say men can be primary carers after the first couple of months. Especially if you want to encourage breastfeeding (which the NHS does). And it completely ignores the reality that small babies want their mum.

The moment I stepped in the house from work, my baby was glued to me. So I never got any respite. I was either working or under a baby. My DH did not experience that, despite being a very good and involved father.

Let's not pretend going back to work is as easy for women as it is for men.

That was not remotely the main grounds for extending paid maternity leave to 9 months.

So none of you iron? Shirts, dresses - you all just get them out of the dryer and what? hang them in the closet and go out in them?

Exactly. It’s not a hard concept. You just don’t buy clothes in linen basically, and even back in the day when DH wore collared work shirts, department stores had a no iron selection (which were dearer than the standard).

I have a steamer. So much easier and doesn't ruin clothes.

I haven't ironed in about 10 years!

Well quite @Genevieva And whilst I had a shitty amount of maternity leave, I am really happy that women get a year now. I had mine mid 1990s by the way.)

.

The year-long maternity leave came about on the grounds that exclusively breastfed babies need a year with their Mum before they are sufficiently weaned to cope without her. If you start giving it to men you undermine women who want to breastfeed, which is the best and most natural way to feed a baby.

I keep the ironing board put in the spare room ready for use by whoever needs to wear something requiring ironing. The kids and my husband do their own. But I find the push to endlessly extend paternity leave bizarre. A baby only needs one parent at home. It has traditionally been the mother for obvious biological reasons. If you want women to have the opportunity to heal and to establish breastfeeding you need to protect maternity leave from encroachment by paternity leave.

Pretty much yes. I dont iron. My DH irons the odd shirt for a weekend. He wears overalls for work and I just dont iron my stuff or kids uniform.

This. ^ It's very naive to assume that if men are given a few extra months parental leave (like 4-5 months,) that it won't impact women somehow. And as for the people saying 'women don't NEED a year off after having a baby,' well maybe some don't NEED it, but it's bloody nice to have it. (And they do need much of it, as having a newborn baby is hard work!!!)

I had 14 fucking weeks off for both mine, that's it. 14 weeks. I would have killed to have had a year off with each one. So I am pleased that things are better for new mums these days. Let's not fuck it up by demanding that the menz get endless months off too!