To not want to eat Chinese - help me to see if I’m being unreasonable

But yet again, no one is stopping OP’s husband having Chinese. He can have it as often as he likes. The issue is he’s trying to force the OP into having it with him - and wants her to be pleased about it!

Why can’t he just order enough for two days to make it worth it the cost? Why does OP have to eat it too? And more importantly, why does his enjoyment depend on her NOT enjoying her food?

I don't understand why you can't both have different takeaways. But also I don't understand why the Chinese restaurant you use only has bland chinese food. Good Chinese food isn't bland.

He still has the hump this morning as he is now mourning the loss of a chicken ball 🙄 he isn’t usually odd and has kind of got on his high horse of ‘I compromise what I eat all the time for you’ mainly because I do 90% of the cooking and I cook vegetarian food. But I never mind if he wants to add meat to a dish I make or cook something else.

Tell the lazy arse to cook his own meat.

Not only that, he wants them to be excited about having a burger

@LadyLucyWellsshe is a veggie

How does he cope if they go for a pub meal with friends and some are ordering pizzas, some burgers, some a salad etc.? Does he sit there sadly, bottom lip quivering, murmuring “But I wanted all of us to have a burger 😢😢”?

I think the point is that if you're a Vegetarian, you're going to cook food that doesn't contain meat products, whether or not you've got a partner. Her partner is free to swing in and cook more, or as she's said, add meat to his meals. He chooses not to.

This is not a power struggle, why would it be, and the answer to the "I always have to eat what you want, why do you never want to eat what I want?" is that, OP is a Vegetarian who doesn't like Chinese takeaways.

It's really not that deep.

What compromises is he making?

They order takeaways that he likes, he just doesn’t want to. He can order Chinese whilst the OP orders Mexican - the social part of eating is sitting down and eating together. The OP isn’t going to be sharing his dishes of chicken balls or lamb biriani whether they have the same meals or different.

He is whining about compromising “all the time” is because the OP is cooking the bulk of his food for him. She is even willing to compromise by adding meat to his dishes.

He could do more of the cooking if he isn’t happy with it.

Can I ask why you do 90% of the cooking? And why you never cook meat/fish for partner? Did the always cooking veggie thing arise before you partnered up? I mean I know this is going off track and nothing to do with him exopecting you to eat chinese takeaway but I know that the never cooking meat thing can be an issue in veggie with non veggie relationships and maybe its a bit of a power struggle "I always have to eat what you want, why do you never want to eat what i want?"

You know what would spoil a culinary experience more than a bit of huffing and puffing (did OP mention huffing or puffing, not sure?)

Watching someone I like eating something they don't like, for my benefit. Where's the enjoyment in that? There are many ways round this, but OP eating food she doesn't like for her husband's enjoyment isn't one of them, surely.

It’s a takeaway. They’re not actually walking the Great Wall together to reach the bloody restaurant.

Why though? Why is a takeaway only a special experience if you’re sharing it with a spouse - and in this case, forcing it on a spouse who doesn’t like it?

I would avoid anything with tofu.
But surely other choices? Egg fried rice with bean sprouts and water chestnuts for crunch maybe?
Hot and spicy soup?

I do understand what he means about it being a shared experience.

I agree with him that it is much nicer to share a takeaway like Chinese or Indian. You get to try a wider range of different dishes.

HE gets to try a wider range of dishes. OP gets to eat something she doesn’t want!

Why can’t he just order an extra dish or two and save the rest for the next day? And for those who say that would be too expensive, surely it’s false economy to order takeaway the OP doesn’t like, just so they’re both eating the same thing, when she could cook something for herself for much less - or for a couple of quid extra on delivery fees, she could have Indian and enjoy it? Plus OP’s husband could still try extra dishes; they just wouldn’t be Chinese dishes.

That’s Japanese, and not very many vegetarian dishes there.

OP: stick to your guns if your local Chinese is poor. But keep an eye out for better places… tofu and seitan came from China, and vegetarian food is very much more normalised there. The ‘Chinese’ food we get here is very often sanitised /processed versions of the punchy fresh flavours that are actually eaten in China.

That's so weird, why do you have to like the same as him?

Your solution of two different take aways seems fine to me.

Or find a new Chinese that does a good vegan curry.

Suspect he just wants her to eat it once in a while without huffing and puffing and deliberately spoiling the experience for him.

Obviously in these circumstances, you adjust the ratio of veggie to meat dishes so that there's plenty for both veggie and omnivore diets. It's not rocket science! And it does mean that there's more choice for everyone (including the veggie, as they can have more dishes between 2 than they would order for just one. )

This is just me and my thoughts, not telling anyone else what to do.

For us sitting down for a takeaway together is a thing we do as a couple. Complicating that with ordering from different place and food arriving at different times, meaning someone's food needs taking out of containers and left heating in the oven (drying out) so we could actually eat together would irritate me and take some of the pleasure from getting a takeaway away.

Add to that living with someone who chooses to restrict their diet + is fussy would annoy me both day to day and if they then enforce that restrictive eating on me because they say they can't find ANYTHING from a menu that they could eat/enjoy it would add to my irritation.

I eat takeaways that are not my first choice, or I wouldn't have if dh didn't want it. He'll do the same for me. We both know each others favourite food, but we would also never take the shine of someone elses meal by mentioning we were doing it grudgingly for them just this time.

To me that is the adult way to compromise. It doesn't sound like he want chinese every week, but when he does he wants it without all the complications or feeling that your are begrudging sacrificing yourself.

The risk of not at least compromising sometimes, without making a big deal of it, is resentment.

If this is a big issue in your relationship perhaps look at your compatibility as resentment over time only ever grows.

And, again, to all those saying 'but sharing dishes is what makes it fun' - not when you're vegetarian and the other person isn't. They eat half the things I've chosen and offer nothing in exchange. Not my idea of fun.

@InSpainTheRain that's what the OP suggested and he rejected.

@mrsm43s he's not asking for compromise. He's not asking her to put up with it with good grace. That's not good enough. She has to actively want Chinese food and be excited to eat it.

Can you not just order Chinese for him, Indian for you? If you are picking them up then hopefully you can find 2 decent restaurants that are close; if not just make 2 deliveroo orders. Might be easier to coincide the timings if you pick them up and just let them know when you want to pick up. If we have food delivered then often we are split too - but if you are treating yourself to a takeaway then at least have what you really like!

Big difference between not being able to eat something due to health reasons, and just not being someone's favourite/preferred choice.

Unreasonable to expect someone to eat something that's going to make them ill, of course. Or indeed something that they absolute cannot stand.

Perfectly reasonable to expect an adult to suck up eating something that isn't their first choice every once in a while because it's someone else's favourite, and relationships are give and take.

I would assume that he is eating things that are "not his favourite/his choice" as a compromise to OP's restricted diet, (as he literally says that he compromises all the time) in order to share communal eating. And he is doing that frequently.

He's asking OP to return the favour occasionally and eat "not her favourite/his choice" from time time time.

That's quite reasonable.

Why does OP always get to choose her favourites and he never ever gets to choose his?

Shared eating is a valuable social activity.

He sounds awful. There are takeaways we can’t eat well I can’t eat due to a health condition and my husband doesn’t ever act this way