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To refuse to commute with my colleague after hire car policy changed

132 replies

BethB89 · 24/06/2025 18:45

This is potentially a longish post so apologies!

As part of my job, this requires monthly travel to a site two hours away for an all day meeting with the other managers in our department. Until the start of this year, we’d arrange our own hire cars through our company’s partner and this would be an no cost to us. There was always four of us who needed to travel and we would have a car each.

As part of a cost cutting exercise, at the start of this year the policy changed so that we’d be required to share one car. Understandable and no issue.

The problem lies in the fact that of my other colleagues; one has left and wasn’t replaced, the other has an exception to not attend these meetings for the foreseeable future due to a personal matter - which leaves just me and a male colleague.

We’ve had three 4 hour round trips now and I can’t bite my tongue any longer.

I drove on the first occasion and he was critical of my driving, when I dropped him home he said he was glad to make it back in one piece and told me he hasn’t been that scared in a car since divorcing his ex wife who ‘struggled too’. Really rude - I have had no issues when driving and no complaints from anyone else.

To the next two journeys with him - if we are driving through a town and there’s an obviously attractive woman walking along he will slow the car down and blatantly stare at her (including a glance in the rear view mirror once we’ve passed). This makes me really uncomfortable and has happened multiple times across both journeys.

He repeatedly comments on other road users and will say ‘bet that’s a woman’ when he notices a car driving poorly.

The final straw was him opening the front windows and breaking wind really loudly in front of me.

I feel like he has no respect for me and I feel so uncomfortable now.

Would it be unreasonable of me to say I won’t travel with him again and will only attend the meeting if I drive myself there?

OP posts:
Flashahah · 24/06/2025 18:59

I absolutely would not be sharing with him, for all
the reasons listed including the farting.

To the PP who came up with the nonsense about “what’s he supposed to do”, do you fart loudly in the middle of an office or interview etc?

dontwannadothis · 24/06/2025 18:58

You have grounds for a complaint but id leave out the farting incident (unless you mean he put the windows up and then did it?)

Bitzee · 24/06/2025 18:57

Go to HR and/or your line manager. The car hire policy is not so much the issue so much as this sexist pig needing urgent retraining on how to behave appropriately in the workplace. But yes absolutely I would refuse to be 1:1 with him in any space whether that be car or a meeting room.

parietal · 24/06/2025 18:54

Complain about his sexism. The driving doesn’t have much to do with it. If he did the same things in the office or on the train, you would also have grounds for complaint.

TinyTempest · 24/06/2025 18:52

Not unreasonable, no.

Although you might be expected to make it a formal complaint.

Why do these meetings have to be in person rather than online?

Growlybear83 · 24/06/2025 18:51

What was he meant to do if he needed to fart? At least he opened the windows first. Perhaps he should have pulled over, parked and got out of the car? 😆😆

RhaenysRocks · 24/06/2025 18:49

Absolutely complain to HR. That's not reasonable. Ugh .. (some) men.