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Original poster

To choose convenience over facilities for 3 month old starting nursery?

284 replies

safetyfirst1 · 24/06/2025 17:55

FTM here and really struggling with a nursery decision for my little one who’ll be starting at 3 months. Posting here for additional traffic.

I’m self-employed so have flexibility with work schedule.

Planning 3 full days at nursery (though realistically 6 hours/day average but have to pay for the full day as the half day hours don’t suit) plus one day with grandparents weekly. The third nursery day will likely be shorter (4 hours) or sometimes skipped entirely - paying for the flexibility to get life admin sorted when needed.

Nursery 1 - The Convenient Choice

5 minutes from home, directly on route to work
£64/day
Staff seem genuinely caring with babies
Good Ofsted rating
Downsides: Converted house that needs some TLC, the nursery is also only 2 years old, limited curriculum info

Nursery 2 - The Premium Choice

Beautiful, modern facilities
Daily app updates (photos, feeding, sleep times)
Comprehensive curriculum
£85/day (affordable for us but still more expensive)
Downside: 15- 20-minute detour each way = 60 minute total extra travel daily there and back for each day he attends.

Nursery 2 is objectively better, but that’s potentially 4 hours weekly just in extra driving. We’re planning to move him to the school nursery at 2 anyway, so this is temporary.

Part of me thinks the convenience will matter more day-to-day, especially in winter, but I’m worried I’m shortchanging him by not choosing the “better” option. Then again, he’s only 3 months - does curriculum really matter at that age?

Any parents dealt with similar decisions? What would you prioritise - convenience or facilities for such a young baby?

Also, are three half days plus one day with the grandparents too much at this age?

Thanks in advance! 💙

OP posts:
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Original poster
safetyfirst1 · 24/06/2025 20:58

Also on reflection I’ve decided to go for two days a week six hours a day. So 12 hours a week total at the nursery

OP posts:
Original poster
safetyfirst1 · 24/06/2025 20:57

@Plantladyloveryes better of shattered until they falll asleep and something bad happens. Of course that’s the responsible thing to do isn’t it, I’ve fallen asleep at feeds a few times and it’s getting me down.

please reserve judgement.

OP posts:
Original poster
safetyfirst1 · 24/06/2025 20:56

I honestly find the judgement from some posters here disgusting.

no wonder so many mothers have postpartum depression as they worry about these things and the get horrible posters like some on here.

honestly, to admit sleep deprivation is killing me and causing depression to have some of the posters respond like they are is frankly sick.

thanks to helpful posters who actually have given valuable advice I do appreciate it

OP posts:
Plantladylover · 24/06/2025 20:49

safetyfirst1 · 24/06/2025 20:27

Ok thank you all, also I know I’ll probably get flamed but does anyone have any studies about the whole primary caregiver scenario being better? I’d like to show my DH as this will help in terms of our decision making.

part of the nursery situation too is because lack of sleep is killing me so being able to catchup some mornings will help because he goes to work and I’m really struggling.

Being self employed, I can then work after I’ve caught up on sleep. Appreciate I’ll get judged but ultimately I am a much better primary caregiver when I’ve slept.

Newborn babies do mean no sleep.

Putting one in nursery so you can sleep is not good. they'd be better off at home with you and shattered. Sleep when they sleep.

Tell your DH what you want. Sticking it in nursery as your DH doesn't want it in the house should tell you more about him.

You are the only protector of your DC at this age. As many have asked what age is your DC now?

RidingMyBike · 24/06/2025 20:49

You’ll get a range of views OP,
I remember a mum at a baby group saying she and her partner were going away for a long weekend leaving their three month old with her parents! Half the group were horrified, the other half jealous they couldn’t do the same!

I didn’t leave mine at nursery until 12 months but I wish I had put her in for a little time each week before that, or maybe used the crèche at the leisure centre. Have you got much support at home from extended family?

YB1985 · 24/06/2025 20:49

number 1
baby doesn't need a curriculum. and if he's only 5 mins away you can pick him up easier on days you finish earlier.
doesn't need to be in nursery longer than necessary as you'll be closer.
good luck its so hard!

SouthLondonMum22 · 24/06/2025 20:46

RidingMyBike · 24/06/2025 20:41

The nursery we used took them from six weeks, and I do know a couple of mums
who had to go back to work that early as work didn’t pay any enhanced maternity pay. Mine didn’t start until 12 months but the babies were so doted on at that nursery. You’d often arrive to find the woman in reception cuddling a tiny one or wearing him/her in a sling. The baby room was a lovely snug nurturing environment with a sofa where staff could sit and hold the babies.

Check the ratios, do they have CCTV? I’d go with the one that is more caring. That’s more important than a curriculum. Convenience of location will make your days a lot easier too and ultimately give you a bit more time with your baby.

That describes the baby room at DC's nursery too right down to the snug areas to hold babies and baby wearing. Mine got so much attention and they most definitely weren't left in baby seats all day.

DaisyChain505 · 24/06/2025 20:45

Do not put a 3 month old in a nursery.

Who cares if your husband finds it “weird” having someone come to your home to care for your baby. Tell him to suck it up and put your babies safety and wellbeing first.

CheeseWisely · 24/06/2025 20:45

Our nursery is also in a converted house and they’re more interested in caring for and engaging with the kids than updating the app. 3 month olds don’t need curriculums, they need cuddles. Go for nursery 1.

Fundayout2025 · 24/06/2025 20:45

CommissarySushi · 24/06/2025 18:10

Three and a half days, plus another with grandparents is way too much for a baby who's barely not a newborn anymore.

What do you think will happen to the baby if its " too much" ?

GoodOldTrayBake · 24/06/2025 20:44

SErunner · 24/06/2025 20:23

Not sure the judgement re putting a 3 month old in childcare is necessary. Presumably everyone who thinks it is inappropriate are in the luxurious position of being able to afford plenty of time off work.

I’d go with option 1 OP, particularly if it’s temporary. Babies don’t need facilities or curriculum - they need nice, caring, well trained/experienced people to look after them. And don’t make life harder for yourself than it needs to be both in terms of finance and time. Working when you have small children is hard enough as it is!

Edited

She’s not solely doing it for work reasons though! She’s planning to shove the baby in a nursery and run home to sleep!!! I mean what the actual f…..??? And why can’t her husband leave the house to work in a cafe or co working space as another poster pointed out - why is his comfort to work from home being prioritised over a newborn baby’s right to be in the comfort of its home space and not dumped with strangers.

I hate judging other parenting styles but both parents sound selfish, weak and irresponsible here. 12 weeks old ffs.

Why bother even having a baby if you’re not prepared to look after it?

MakingPlans2025 · 24/06/2025 20:42

safetyfirst1 · 24/06/2025 20:27

Ok thank you all, also I know I’ll probably get flamed but does anyone have any studies about the whole primary caregiver scenario being better? I’d like to show my DH as this will help in terms of our decision making.

part of the nursery situation too is because lack of sleep is killing me so being able to catchup some mornings will help because he goes to work and I’m really struggling.

Being self employed, I can then work after I’ve caught up on sleep. Appreciate I’ll get judged but ultimately I am a much better primary caregiver when I’ve slept.

Is your husband pulling his weight overnight? I feel like there’s a bit more than meets the eye going on here.

RidingMyBike · 24/06/2025 20:41

The nursery we used took them from six weeks, and I do know a couple of mums
who had to go back to work that early as work didn’t pay any enhanced maternity pay. Mine didn’t start until 12 months but the babies were so doted on at that nursery. You’d often arrive to find the woman in reception cuddling a tiny one or wearing him/her in a sling. The baby room was a lovely snug nurturing environment with a sofa where staff could sit and hold the babies.

Check the ratios, do they have CCTV? I’d go with the one that is more caring. That’s more important than a curriculum. Convenience of location will make your days a lot easier too and ultimately give you a bit more time with your baby.

MissScarletInTheBallroom · 24/06/2025 20:39

Catlady724 · 24/06/2025 20:26

3 months?! Please don’t do that. Why did you even have a baby if you are going to put them in nursery at that age, they need to be with their parent (either one) at such a young age. Neither option of nursery will be good for them.

Maybe you should go and ask some French women why their fertility rate is the highest in Europe when so many of them go back to work when their babies are three months old. 🙄

Barnbrack · 24/06/2025 20:39

safetyfirst1 · 24/06/2025 20:27

Ok thank you all, also I know I’ll probably get flamed but does anyone have any studies about the whole primary caregiver scenario being better? I’d like to show my DH as this will help in terms of our decision making.

part of the nursery situation too is because lack of sleep is killing me so being able to catchup some mornings will help because he goes to work and I’m really struggling.

Being self employed, I can then work after I’ve caught up on sleep. Appreciate I’ll get judged but ultimately I am a much better primary caregiver when I’ve slept.

This all sounds like an attempt by your baby's father to opt out of any hands on parenting. Baby years are hard, I had non sleepers. But you don't just find the most convenient nursery to chuck them in because you need a sleep.

GoodOldTrayBake · 24/06/2025 20:38

Don’t do it. This makes me so sad. Lack of sleep is part and parcel of being a mum. I know it’s hard but you just need to suck it up. I can’t believe you’d put a tiny baby in a nursery with strangers just so you can sleep…. Sorry but this is shocking.

Barnbrack · 24/06/2025 20:38

FMc208 · 24/06/2025 20:31

I’m a massive advocate for nursery, DD started when she was 11 months old and it’s fantastic for us.

But I would never, ever put a 12 week
old baby in nursery. The thought alone makes me really sad for the baby who is only just coming out of the newborn stage.

Same, from around a year to 2 yes old depending on the child a 3 month old is a literal newborn

OnARainyDay2012 · 24/06/2025 20:37

Nursery 1. You mentioned caring staff which is the most important thing. Cheaper and easier to get to as well. Your baby doesn't need fancy facilities.

FMc208 · 24/06/2025 20:31

I’m a massive advocate for nursery, DD started when she was 11 months old and it’s fantastic for us.

But I would never, ever put a 12 week
old baby in nursery. The thought alone makes me really sad for the baby who is only just coming out of the newborn stage.

Justsayno123 · 24/06/2025 20:31

Sleep deprivation does funny things to you. Gentle sleep training would be a far better option (which means putting baby on a schedule) than nursery at 3 months. Also they'll likely come home from nursery an absolute mess meaning sleep is even worse! Or get a nanny!

Rainbow889 · 24/06/2025 20:30

safetyfirst1 · 24/06/2025 20:27

Ok thank you all, also I know I’ll probably get flamed but does anyone have any studies about the whole primary caregiver scenario being better? I’d like to show my DH as this will help in terms of our decision making.

part of the nursery situation too is because lack of sleep is killing me so being able to catchup some mornings will help because he goes to work and I’m really struggling.

Being self employed, I can then work after I’ve caught up on sleep. Appreciate I’ll get judged but ultimately I am a much better primary caregiver when I’ve slept.

So on the one hand, you are incapable of taking care of her. But on the other hand, you think it's too easy a job for a nanny? Make up your mind.

Youlookgorge · 24/06/2025 20:28

Nanny all the way, 3 months is too young for a nursery environment. Your husband can work in a cafe or co working space if there is an issue. And yes the nanny can check her phone as well as helping with some household chores or taking a much deserved break.

Rainbow889 · 24/06/2025 20:28

Nanny. You get a nanny. FFS.

Original poster
safetyfirst1 · 24/06/2025 20:27

Ok thank you all, also I know I’ll probably get flamed but does anyone have any studies about the whole primary caregiver scenario being better? I’d like to show my DH as this will help in terms of our decision making.

part of the nursery situation too is because lack of sleep is killing me so being able to catchup some mornings will help because he goes to work and I’m really struggling.

Being self employed, I can then work after I’ve caught up on sleep. Appreciate I’ll get judged but ultimately I am a much better primary caregiver when I’ve slept.

OP posts: