Page 3 | To choose convenience over facilities for 3 month old starting nursery?

safetyfirst1 · 2025-06-24T16:55:00+00:00

FTM here and really struggling with a nursery decision for my little one who’ll be starting at 3 months. Posting here for additional traffic. I’m self-employed so have flexibility with work schedule. Planning 3 full days at nursery (though realistically 6 hours/day average but have to pay for the full day as the half day hours don’t suit) plus one day with grandparents weekly. The third nursery day will likely be shorter (4 hours) or sometimes skipped entirely - paying for the flexibility to get life admin sorted when needed. Nursery 1 - The Convenient Choice 5 minutes from home, directly on route to work £64/day Staff seem genuinely caring with babies Good Ofsted rating Downsides: Converted house that needs some TLC, the nursery is also only 2 years old, limited curriculum info Nursery 2 - The Premium Choice Beautiful, modern facilities Daily app updates (photos, feeding, sleep times) Comprehensive curriculum £85/day (affordable for us but still more expensive) Downside: 15- 20-minute detour each way = 60 minute total extra travel daily there and back for each day he attends. Nursery 2 is objectively better, but that’s potentially 4 hours weekly just in extra driving. We’re planning to move him to the school nursery at 2 anyway, so this is temporary. Part of me thinks the convenience will matter more day-to-day, especially in winter, but I’m worried I’m shortchanging him by not choosing the “better” option. Then again, he’s only 3 months - does curriculum really matter at that age? Any parents dealt with similar decisions? What would you prioritise - convenience or facilities for such a young baby? Also, are three half days plus one day with the grandparents too much at this age? Thanks in advance! 💙

Ace56 · 27/06/2025 11:59

adviceneeded1990 · 27/06/2025 07:27

For many people it is work or be destitute, Statutory maternity pay wouldn’t cover my mortgage let alone any other bills.

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Probably shouldn’t have a baby then if statutory maternity is the only thing you have to survive on 🤷‍♀️

adviceneeded1990 · 27/06/2025 07:27

Barnbrack · 27/06/2025 07:03

She took could access state benefits. It's not work or be destitute it's work or let here business suffer for a few months. Which most of us do if self employed with a baby.

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For many people it is work or be destitute, Statutory maternity pay wouldn’t cover my mortgage let alone any other bills.

Barnbrack · 27/06/2025 07:03

adviceneeded1990 · 26/06/2025 23:17

Perhaps, but if that happened and they got home they’d have needed the essentials to survive? It’s obvious that you were in an extreme situation, and if needed you would have been able to access help via state benefits as you have a child with a health issue. The OP is trying to maintain a self employed income without access to any safety net and is probably only in receipt of the most basic statutory maternity pay. Plenty of women have to work and use childcare from a young age, it isn’t a choice, it’s a necessity to feed and clothe the baby. Guilting women that they are somehow hurting their baby isn’t helpful.

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She took could access state benefits. It's not work or be destitute it's work or let here business suffer for a few months. Which most of us do if self employed with a baby.

CommissarySushi · 27/06/2025 04:43

SErunner · 26/06/2025 23:01

Not really. That’s asking how many days are too many, not about it in principle. The main pile on has been about putting a child of that age in nursery at all.

Anyway, we’re teetering on arguing over semantics here. Hopefully OP has got enough helpful comments and can ignore the rest.

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Hopefully.

adviceneeded1990 · 26/06/2025 23:17

Barnbrack · 26/06/2025 23:06

None of that would have been much use if he couldn't be fed without being hospitalised for tube feeding.

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Perhaps, but if that happened and they got home they’d have needed the essentials to survive? It’s obvious that you were in an extreme situation, and if needed you would have been able to access help via state benefits as you have a child with a health issue. The OP is trying to maintain a self employed income without access to any safety net and is probably only in receipt of the most basic statutory maternity pay. Plenty of women have to work and use childcare from a young age, it isn’t a choice, it’s a necessity to feed and clothe the baby. Guilting women that they are somehow hurting their baby isn’t helpful.

Barnbrack · 26/06/2025 23:06

adviceneeded1990 · 26/06/2025 22:41

And how would you have fed, clothed and sheltered your baby with health issues without a job?

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None of that would have been much use if he couldn't be fed without being hospitalised for tube feeding.

SErunner · 26/06/2025 23:01

CommissarySushi · 26/06/2025 22:43

@SErunner Yes, she did. It's in the OP.

"Also, are three half days plus one day with the grandparents too much at this age?"

Edited

Not really. That’s asking how many days are too many, not about it in principle. The main pile on has been about putting a child of that age in nursery at all.

Anyway, we’re teetering on arguing over semantics here. Hopefully OP has got enough helpful comments and can ignore the rest.

CommissarySushi · 26/06/2025 22:43

@SErunner Yes, she did. It's in the OP.

"Also, are three half days plus one day with the grandparents too much at this age?"

adviceneeded1990 · 26/06/2025 22:41

Barnbrack · 26/06/2025 12:35

There's a big jump from 3 months to 4 months, my sister in law put her eldest with a choldminder at 4 months which still feels more baby friendly than a nursery at that age. I genuinely couldn't have done it, I'd have had to lose my job. Literally. My eldest had health stuff so couldn't safely have been left.

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And how would you have fed, clothed and sheltered your baby with health issues without a job?

SErunner · 26/06/2025 22:41

@CommissarySushi@GoodOldTrayBake the OP didn’t ask for opinions re whether putting a 3 months old in nursery is a good idea…

Hope it goes well OP. I have our 3 month old in my arms currently and would be fine putting him in daycare 5 hours a day a few days a week with the right people. Our 4 year old started nursery full time at 6 months and we have a wonderful relationship. Do what’s right for you.

adviceneeded1990 · 26/06/2025 22:40

safetyfirst1 · 24/06/2025 20:56

I honestly find the judgement from some posters here disgusting.

no wonder so many mothers have postpartum depression as they worry about these things and the get horrible posters like some on here.

honestly, to admit sleep deprivation is killing me and causing depression to have some of the posters respond like they are is frankly sick.

thanks to helpful posters who actually have given valuable advice I do appreciate it

Ignore them. Plenty of countries only provide 6 weeks paid maternity leave, having a working mother will not damage your baby FFS. Probably the opposite as you will be better rested and have time to yourself and will be able to give your baby your 100% best the rest of the time. Do what’s right for you and your family, you’ll be judged either way.

CommissarySushi · 26/06/2025 22:38

safetyfirst1 · 26/06/2025 22:32

@CommissarySushii just found some of the comments totally unnecessary - not expressing an opinion just being nasty for the sake of it. Keyboard warriors…

So would you have reconsidered your childcare plans, if you hadn't received those unnecessary comments?

Original poster

safetyfirst1 · 26/06/2025 22:33

@GoodOldTrayBakeno I haven’t. Some posters are just unkind and if you can’t see that then I don’t know what to tell you…

OP posts:

Original poster

safetyfirst1 · 26/06/2025 22:32

@CommissarySushii just found some of the comments totally unnecessary - not expressing an opinion just being nasty for the sake of it. Keyboard warriors…

OP posts:

Fundayout2025 · 26/06/2025 21:09

Crikeyalmighty · 26/06/2025 21:00

@Fundayout2025 indeed - I remember it well -

Strangely enought my now adult kids haven't suffered due to it

Crikeyalmighty · 26/06/2025 21:00

@Fundayout2025 indeed - I remember it well -

Fundayout2025 · 26/06/2025 20:58

Barnbrack · 26/06/2025 12:35

There's a big jump from 3 months to 4 months, my sister in law put her eldest with a choldminder at 4 months which still feels more baby friendly than a nursery at that age. I genuinely couldn't have done it, I'd have had to lose my job. Literally. My eldest had health stuff so couldn't safely have been left.

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Maternity leave was 16 weeks. Unless you worked right up to the day of birth then there would be some time off before the baby arrived. And 2 of mine were a fortnight late so that was eating into maternity leave. It was 16 weeks ML not till baby was 16 weeks old

GoodOldTrayBake · 26/06/2025 20:54

safetyfirst1 · 26/06/2025 20:20

@GoodOldTrayBakea respectful opinion is one thing, a judgemental comment is another

You’ve interpreted any dissenting opinion as a “judgment”. Not sure why you bothered posting if you weren’t prepared to hear different viewpoints

CommissarySushi · 26/06/2025 20:41

safetyfirst1 · 26/06/2025 20:20

@GoodOldTrayBakea respectful opinion is one thing, a judgemental comment is another

Would your choice be different, if everyone had been respectful in disagreeing with you?

Genuinely curious. I think you have had some very harsh replies.

Original poster

safetyfirst1 · 26/06/2025 20:20

@GoodOldTrayBakea respectful opinion is one thing, a judgemental comment is another

OP posts:

RidingMyBike · 26/06/2025 19:39

Good luck OP. We found the nursery staff became the family support we didn’t have. It made such a difference having reliable, trustworthy people in our child’s life who she could build her own relationship with.

GoodOldTrayBake · 26/06/2025 19:35

safetyfirst1 · 26/06/2025 18:53

@TaraRhuand @SErunnerthank you so much for your posts they’ve given me confidence in my decision. I may push him back to start at four months but for now he will do five hours a day x 2. I don’t need to go back to work full time but I feel I am neglecting my work by not at least having a presence. I feel like it needs some of my attention otherwise I may not have a business to go back to.

ive found people’s judgement on here really odd too. You’d think I asked if it’s ok to bring my baby to a nightclub or something else really neglectful!!

@safetyfirst1 I am not sure why you found it odd. You’ve posted in a chat forum and asked for opinions. People (and specifically a lot of mothers with experience) have posted and given you their opinion, which was overwhelmingly against your plan. It’s up to you to ignore these opinions, but I hardly see what is odd or surprising about hearing from people with a different view to you.

Original poster

safetyfirst1 · 26/06/2025 18:53

@TaraRhuand @SErunnerthank you so much for your posts they’ve given me confidence in my decision. I may push him back to start at four months but for now he will do five hours a day x 2. I don’t need to go back to work full time but I feel I am neglecting my work by not at least having a presence. I feel like it needs some of my attention otherwise I may not have a business to go back to.

ive found people’s judgement on here really odd too. You’d think I asked if it’s ok to bring my baby to a nightclub or something else really neglectful!!

OP posts:

Barnbrack · 26/06/2025 12:35

Fundayout2025 · 24/06/2025 21:11

Good job you didn't have kids and need to work when my eldest was born. Maternity leave was 16 weeks at the time. In fact many of the current mums of young babies will have been in childcare at that age

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There's a big jump from 3 months to 4 months, my sister in law put her eldest with a choldminder at 4 months which still feels more baby friendly than a nursery at that age. I genuinely couldn't have done it, I'd have had to lose my job. Literally. My eldest had health stuff so couldn't safely have been left.

TaraRhu · 26/06/2025 10:51

SErunner · 24/06/2025 20:23

Not sure the judgement re putting a 3 month old in childcare is necessary. Presumably everyone who thinks it is inappropriate are in the luxurious position of being able to afford plenty of time off work.

I’d go with option 1 OP, particularly if it’s temporary. Babies don’t need facilities or curriculum - they need nice, caring, well trained/experienced people to look after them. And don’t make life harder for yourself than it needs to be both in terms of finance and time. Working when you have small children is hard enough as it is!

Edited

This exactly. You didn't come to ask for peoples opinion on your choice of returning to work. It is your choice and life. Three days at nursery will be fine.

Definitely go for convenience. We chose school that was 'good' rather than the 'outstanding' one further away. Such a good choice. Logistics are a major piece of the puzzle when dealing with kids/ pick up etc.

🤞