To think “chosen family” is a concept people use when they want loyalty without accountability?

Maybe unpick your logic here?

To some extent, but that’s not the essence of it imo.

What it’s really about, like every other progressive idea is or becomes, is the idea that you can have the easy things in life without the difficult things. Families bring amazing support, but are also awkward things where people often don’t get along and make you do things you don’t always want to do? Simple, just collect some people you like and call that a family instead.

Hoe come actual families tend to be like that? Shhh, that’s not important right now. Probably colonialism somehow.

There’s definitely accountability in my chosen family! My chosen family is both geographically and emotionally closer to me than my natal family.

My partner, my best friend and many of my close friends are all very much capable of tough love. If anything, I’m more likely to get it from them than my natal family because they know me, my character and what’s going on in my life much better.

My family is fine, but I’m only really close with my DM and DB and DSIL. I have grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins etc but I live thousands of miles away and see some of them once a year but most I only see every few years at weddings and funerals.

That’s just called ‘having friends’, OP.

(And no one’s friends ‘always agree with them…?)

Are you talking about people you know and/or know of in real life, rather than people posting the term on the internet?

If so then presumably it’s up to the individuals involved to manage their relationships and decide how much to do or not do for each other.

This is a really weird take @ByTealPeer .

The concept of a chosen family is not nefarious or selfish. It’s the basic foundation of any friendship or support system that works for all involved.

I think there is something going on to a specific to you situation if this is your outlook.

I think either can be true OP, entirely depending on the context!

Some people have toxic relatives and need to create support systems - True

I’ve also seen people use “chosen family” to build echo chambers - I think this can be true especially for some young people caught up in certain ideologies

I have no idea what you’re talking about!

Agreed.

Your chosen family are the people you choose to fight with and for, who you make sacrifices for and love and yes - where appropriate you do hold them accountable.

I think you’re fixated on the wrong thing here. I’m not even sure what your issue is, OP? Who isn’t maki ‘n their “chosen” family take accountability and for what exactly?

Also, what does accountability really have to do with this anyway? How many people don’t hold their actual family accountable..? Accountability isn’t the first thing people usually think of when talking about what makes someone family.

Hmm, I think its actually a stranger concept that some people think they are allowed to say whatever they like to another person, and dont go about it in a nice way, or go on about the same point repeatedly, or decide to impress their unwanted opinion on someones personal choices, just because a combination of people shagged several years ago and therefore you are related....

Not sure why you’re objecting to “curation”. Surely we all curate our friends? Why would the friends close enough to be considered “chosen family” not be curated? And how would that even work - picking random names out of a phone book or something?

As with everything, it depends who is saying it.

sane person saying it, it’s a sane idea.

gaslighting narc saying it, it’s been co opted into their world view.

I've never heard the phrase "chosen family". But from what you're saying, isn't it just the same as having friends?

Perhaps you have a nice family though. And not an abusive father.

I personally would rather spend time with people that I care about.