Flaky friend - last straw AIBU??

That’s a great response. She’s been like it for years so don’t feel guilty. I’ve recently lost a friend under similar circumstances and now the friendship is over I feel quite liberated that nobody is wasting my time through their own selfish actions. She’s using the terminally ill DF as a trump card. She cancelled on you because better plans turned up, not because she’s visiting her DF in a hospice.

I’d still think she was a dick tbh. You can’t give sympathy if you don’t know about something and she cancelled to go to a gig so her father’s sickness is actually irrelevant as she didn’t go with him did she. It’s also been going on for years. I’m also suspicious she’s made it up honestly. Using it to stir up shit and manipulate leaves a really nasty taste in my mouth considering all her other behaviour. Why did she not say before if Dad is unwell?

I think this is good. I'd edit slightly:

I suspect it’s me that’s upset the flake as I expressed my disappointment last night that she cancelled on me an hour before we were due to meet as she was wanted to go to a concert instead. Of course had I know about her father, I might not have said anything right then, but I didn't and I was upset to be let down again.

My version is a bit less conciliatory though, I accept that.

You are finally seeing the REAL her.

She is a Class A bitch.

Send that message.

Do not allow her to control the narrative.

She is depending on you being a doormat as you have been all along.

Show your steel.

You have nothing to lose.

The friendship is over.

It’s factual and fair. If anyone reads that and thinks you were being unfair then they aren’t really friends worth having.

That's a perfect response.

But you say everyone knows what she's like, so why are they pinning this on you now?

I say own it.
I suspect it’s me that’s upset the flake as I expressed my disappointment last night that she cancelled on me an hour before we were due to meet as she was wanted to go to a concert instead. Of course had I know about her father I would have handled the situation more sensitively but I had no idea.

I think the only thing to do with people who over-promise, or who are too busy to meet up or don’t like / struggle with going out for whatever reason, is to always let them make the first move and not to plan anything with them unless you have a contingency plan in place if they can’t make it.

Then the pressure is off on both sides.

I managed my flaky friend by no longer making plans with them or caring if they came to group events.

Her dad has cancer and she thinks that's a reason to stand someone up for a meal and go to a gig instead? If she said she had to go to see him in hospital or go to his house to take care of him or stay in to batch cook for him, those would be good reasons for her to cancel, but not a gig.

That is both devious and brilliant.

The silent treatment is unacceptable behaviour IMO. I wouldn’t want to be friends with someone with this level of immaturity and disrespect.

Message that you hope the concert helped to distract her a little.

Sounds like a one sided friendship, time to walk away.

She's not your friend. Handle the group chat by posting on it too - oh no XX I'm so sorry to hear you think that people think that. Sorry to hear you are having personal problems too. We are all here to support you.

Fake suck up.

Then beat her at her own game- message the others - oh no, I'm sorry XX is so upset by what I said to her. I confronted her about a last minute drop out of a catch up to go to a gig - I was really upset and realised this is a frequent occurrence so spoke to her about it. But now she's upset - what do I do?!

Fake sympathy. Then in reality, drop her. Just make sure you do your PR campaign around it to show you're caring. Then in person with your friends you can individually address the situation as needed and set out the reality that actually you feel you might need to step back from meeting flakey friend for a while.

She's not your friend. Handle the group chat by posting on it too - oh no XX I'm so sorry to hear you think that people think that. Sorry to hear you are having personal problems too. We are all here to support you.

Fake suck up.

Then beat her at her own game- message the others - oh no, I'm sorry XX is so upset by what I said to her. I confronted her about a last minute drop out of a catch up to go to a gig - I was really upset and realised this is a frequent occurrence so spoke to her about it. But now she's upset - what do I do?!

Fake sympathy. Then in reality, drop her. Just make sure you do your PR campaign around it to show you're caring. Then in person with your friends you can individually address the situation as needed and set out the reality that actually you feel you might need to step back from meeting flakey friend for a while.

She's not your friend. Handle the group chat by posting on it too - oh no XX I'm so sorry to hear you think that people think that. Sorry to hear you are having personal problems too. We are all here to support you.

Fake suck up.

Then beat her at her own game- message the others - oh no, I'm sorry XX is so upset by what I said to her. I confronted her about a last minute drop out of a catch up to go to a gig - I was really upset and realised this is a frequent occurrence so spoke to her about it. But now she's upset - what do I do?!

Fake sympathy. Then in reality, drop her.