Gender swap situation

That's not her name though. It's what she wants to be called.

Maybe she's a Malory Towers fan - not many male character names to choose from, unless she wanted to be a schoolchild known as 'Mr Parker'!

Ron isn't her name.
Sally is.

“compelled speech“.

Is it compelled speech when people expect / ask you to call them by their name?

Of course it's power.

You call me Ron, you see me as a male, otherwise you're a bigot.

It's totally manipulative.

Edited to add - we know this because of the glares at OPs child for making mistakes.

Well, the only education that seems to be required on this thread is the very simple fact that human beings cannot change sex.

Transwomen are still men, even if they announce that they want to be regarded as women. It doesn't mean they actually are women.

Its not power? What a very odd thing to say.

If my friend gets a new name or hair do or discovers they have Italian ancestry I either celebrate with them or stop calling myself their friend. Its not a very big deal. Its not “compelled speech” ir “an exercise in power” its just life in all its delightful vagary.

And if you are a teacher you should be aware that when it gets to the point that a child feels that she is walking on eggshells over an honest mistake then there is a problem. A healthy friendship will not result in a child feeling like that

Regardless of anything else, this will always be true.

It doesn't feel like a healthy friendship for your daughter OP. I'd be encouraging her to disengage as much as possible (could be in a very low key way)

I gave my views on trans issues, and in an HE environment have worked with plenty of people who have transitioned. Out of respect I would never purposely misgender someone, but I do get confused when my DC refers to a friend as they. I just think she’s talking about more than one person. And that probably is becoming more of a generational thing.

I'd tell my DD that it's polite and friendly to call people by whatever name they prefer, even if it's unusual eg a girl choosing a boy's name.

I would also emphasise that nobody can compel you to believe what someone else says you should eg religion, politics etc. So if you don't believe that it's possible to change sex (and I don't) then nobody can make you. I'd tell Sally that I'm happy to call her Ron from now on but she can't force me to believe that she's now a boy. I'll respect that she believes she is a boy in return for her respect for my belief that she isn't. If she can't do that then it's best we drop the friendship so that nobody becomes distressed.

Dd14 is also having this situation crop up although mostly with people she's only known since high school.

I tell her to use Sally's knew name, think of it like a nickname, but that Sally is still female no matter how much she might want to pretend she's not.

I think there is more too it than that sorry. Your DD will make mistakes on the name of course she will, I can't get any of my family DC names right so I go through the whole lot every time 😅. Also having a girl best friend and a boy best friend are totally different. What is Ron's sexuality? Are they still allowed to do sleepovers now if Ron is male? So many questions. It's naive for people to say this doesn't change anything regarding to friendship group. Of course it does. Your DD and Ron need to figure this out. 14 is also a brutal age for puberty poor things.

Is the school accepting of Ron? So is he using the female or male spaces?

Regardless of any of that. Your DD is allowed to make the odd mistake without black looks. That's not fair x

Ah right, the incorrect pronoun then.
Thanks for the clarification.
Sally is a girl, Sally is she.

I wouldn't have a problem with the friend wanting to be called Ron but I would have a problem and advise DD to fade the friendship out if Ron is getting moody when DD makes a "mistake". If Ron wants to live in a fantasy world, that's fine, but everyone else isn't obliged to join them.

I’m sure you know what response to this you’ll get on Mumsnet where the prevailing view on trans issues is out of step with the general population.

However, I personally think you and your daughter need to grow up and stop making this about your daughter instead of the friend, who is apparently going through some stuff. If your daughter is a decent kid and wants to be kind to her close friend, she’ll be kind to her and call the friend whatever she wants to be called because that’s basic respect. She doesn’t have to believe her friend is a boy to respect their wishes. Maybe the friend will indeed decide one day that they really are Sally after all, but who cares? It’s not actually difficult to just call someone what they want to be called.

My thoughts exactly

Pretending a girl has become a boy is not the same as recognising that someone has gotten married or divorced. Pronoun are not "just" a name change.

The other child is demanding that the OP remembers a lie. That the OPs child uses terms she knows are not true when the child demands she use the male sex words for her.

The OPs child has a right to be allowed to her own terms to describe others.

And if you are a teacher you should be aware that when it gets to the point that a child feels that she is walking on eggshells over an honest mistake then there is a problem. A healthy friendship will not result in a child feeling like that

Nope, I would use he, their preferred pronoun.

Ron? RON? Of all the names he/she could have chosen, why that ?

We can't have reasonable discussions because people like you screamed, "no debate", at us for years, we tried.

I really really am interested in what leads people not to see the shift in power dynamic here.

There are clearly posters who believe that Sally has the right to compel others to call her Ron and to consider her to now be male.

There are clearly posters who consider it 'bigoted' for a OP's child to consider Sally is still female?

This gives Sally all of the power in this relationship. It's very unhealthy.
Why should Sally have such power over her friend?

People don't normally change sex after marriage though. School children don't normally get married either.

When I was at school, it took us children forever to properly remember a teacher's new name after they had married or divorced.

Often, they just resigned themselves to getting used to it until the next year, with the new intake of children who never knew them by any other name.

It was hard enough for a lot of the younger ones (including me at that age) not to call their teacher 'Mum' or 'Dad' - although, interestingly, I never recall any child accidentally calling a female teacher 'Dad' or a male teacher 'Mum', as somebody's sex is such a latent, instinctive part of our mental processing faculties.

The reason there has been no discussion about this issue is because Stonewall called for #nodebate and anyone who has spoken about it has been harrassed, threatened and some have lost their jobs.
Most people are gender non-conforming. It's "Trans" that forces people to conform to outdated stereotypes.

Very wise advice.