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Breakdown in friend group - who is right?

461 replies

Tornad · 24/06/2025 09:00

I’m not either of these two people.

P, W and 3 others have been friend since school, almost 30 years. Now all getting married, having children, etc. Don’t live locally to one another but still close and see each other very regularly (almost always as a group or one-on-one - i.e. we would never meet up as a three or a four without everyone being invited).

W has always been high maintenance as a friend. She expects us to be there for her, get birthday presents, attend birthday events, etc. She also gives out the same energy. She will always organise gifts,I’ve heaven and earth to attend special moments and be on the end of the phone. So, she’s not a hypocrite or a taker. She just expects a lot from friendship in general.

P has always been more relaxed. Unreliable, late to things, forgets things, doesn’t respond for months at a time, didn’t hear her phone… but she’s really fun to be around. Witty, cool, energetic. But, since having her own kids, P has also become quite high maintenance. Everything is a drama, the world is ending every couple of weeks, everything revolves around her DS. She’s very “crunchy mum” and makes her opinions known on our parenting and nutrition. I’m hoping this will pass because I wouldn’t befriend her if I met her now.

Anyway. W is pregnant and being induced early. She hasn’t said but I assume this is for medical reasons. They don’t tend to induce early just for fun. The date for the induction is P’s birthday. P is furious about this. She thinks that W has done this on purpose to usurp her birthday. She has vowed to never speak to W again and says that it’s “the final straw”.

My initial thought is that P is being ridiculous but, the more I think about it, W has always made a big deal out of birthdays and now P won’t be W’s focus on her birthday, her DD/DS will be.

Who is right here?

OP posts:
Tornad · 24/06/2025 14:17

This reply has been deleted

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friendlycat · 24/06/2025 14:16

Whattodo1610 · 24/06/2025 14:10

OP your responses and defensiveness is very telling - you are sounding more childish the more you post. Everyone has said P is ridiculous, you say P is ridiculous, you may as well leave the thread, join your friends and either all grow the fuck up or continue your immature journey in life together 🤷‍♀️

Totally agree.
It’s quite astonishing to read that people behave like this.

JLou08 · 24/06/2025 14:14

This seems pretty black and white to me. Of course P is the unreasonable one.

Jumpingthruhoops · 24/06/2025 14:13

If I was W, I'd tell P: 'Off you pop then!'

If P is saying W's induction is the 'final straw', sounds like the friendship's on its last legs any way...

Couldn't be dealing with that level of drama. Sorry.

Whattodo1610 · 24/06/2025 14:10

OP your responses and defensiveness is very telling - you are sounding more childish the more you post. Everyone has said P is ridiculous, you say P is ridiculous, you may as well leave the thread, join your friends and either all grow the fuck up or continue your immature journey in life together 🤷‍♀️

friendlycat · 24/06/2025 14:08

You seem to get ruder OP in your responses to people.
All the drama over something so ludicrous and you can’t just judge for yourself without validation from this forum.

Most people would just stay out of this childish drama and decide that P is not worth having as a friend. You said in your opening post how she’s full of drama and you wouldn’t pursue a friendship with her now if you met her.

But you’re now behaving in quite a childish manner yourself with your responses to people who you have invited to comment on the thread that you put out there.

WickedWitchOfTheEast87 · 24/06/2025 14:04

I'm shocked at the people having a go at the OP here she asked if she was BU as she doubted herself and everyone tells her to grow up, why bother commenting at all if you can't give some good advice 🙄

@Tornad P is being very very unreasonable, selfish and actually quite nasty causing a drama like this! Babies come when they come they don't give you a warning and if W is being induced it is likely for medical reasons and beyond her control. Poor W is probably stressing and worrying about it meanwhile P is making it all about herself and starting a drama ergo P is a selfish madam and needs to grow the fuck up!

I come from a large family and its common for us to share birthdays. Me and my cousin share a birthday, my aunt and another cousin share a birthday and my cousin and his nephew also share a birthday. Not one of us has ever got mad or upset over it sometimes we've done joint celebrations sometimes we do our own thing. If anyone in my family behaved like P they'd be told bluntly to get the fuck over themselves because we can't control when a baby is born its a fact of life!

Personally OP I'd really rethink my friendship with P she sounds like a supercilious self absorbed cow, dishing out and disapproving of her friends parenting their children and then causing a drama because a friend's child will have their birthday on the same day as hers sod that drama! I bet P will get competitive with birthday plans now and try to make sure everyone attends hers but not W's baby.

As for the friend ignoring you leave her be if she wants to be equally dramatic and pathetic as P these kinds of people just aren't worth your time if they can be this petty 🙄

Chazbots · 24/06/2025 14:03

I am perpetually confused by friendships and it sounds like this thread (only read OP's posts) sums up exactly why....the same situation is viewed entirely differently by the people responding and there's no common theme.

I'd post in Relationships, rather than here.

Tornad · 24/06/2025 14:00

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DinaofCloud9 · 24/06/2025 14:00

Tornad · 24/06/2025 13:51

So, if you were being induced and one of your oldest friends stopped talking to you because of it, you’d honestly go “this is a non-issue” and won’t play on my mind at all? Don’t be ridiculous!

I’m sorry you wasted your time reading and couldn’t come up with a response that didn’t make you look dense.

Ooh feisty one you are 😄

Tiswa · 24/06/2025 13:58

I imagine W may well not out as much in for anyone now

Masmavi · 24/06/2025 13:58

I think everyone just needs to grow up.

JaneEyre40 · 24/06/2025 13:58

The OP sounds a bit dramatic in her responses 😂

Are YOU W OP?

Tornad · 24/06/2025 13:57

Andoutcomethewolves · 24/06/2025 13:53

Just to be completely clear - P isn't just annoyed that her birthday THIS year will be overshadowed?

She's also upset that if the baby does come on her birthday, W, the main birthday organiser by the sounds of it, will no longer be giving P her full and undivided attention in years to come?? And sent you a long crying voice note about it?

Wow. Well I don't think P needs to worry about that because if I was W she'd be gone as a friend now anyway.

Yes - this is the concern. P thinks that W will transfer the energy she currently puts into P’s birthday into her DD/DS instead and that she’ll not have the same birthday experience as the rest of us. Because P was always less organised than the rest of us, I guess W maybe played a bigger part in organising things for P.

She also thinks that W is trying to make P’s birthday all about her. P would expect everyone to attend her DD/DS’s birthday party and that kind of thing.

I don’t even know if W knows about how P feels or if they’ve spoken at all.

OP posts:
MakeItToTheMoon · 24/06/2025 13:56

Tornad · 24/06/2025 13:51

So, if you were being induced and one of your oldest friends stopped talking to you because of it, you’d honestly go “this is a non-issue” and won’t play on my mind at all? Don’t be ridiculous!

I’m sorry you wasted your time reading and couldn’t come up with a response that didn’t make you look dense.

Are they really your friends if they are behaving this way towards you?

What grown up person has a fit about somebody being induced on their birthday?

Have they done anything similar to you on the past? Because friends genuinely don’t behave this way. I may be wrong

SanctusInDistress · 24/06/2025 13:55

What kind of a grow up woman gets annoyed at somebody being born on the same day as their birthday? It’s bonkers thst the thought even entered her head.

if W did it on purpose then she is just as bonkers (doesn’t she have anything else in her life to think about?!)

its unbelievable how small minded some people are.

Tornad · 24/06/2025 13:53

Destiny123 · 24/06/2025 13:52

You rarely have any say in induction days.fitst time mums often take a number of days to be induced, it would be unlikely to clash

Not that it’s at all relevant but just because a few people have assumed it, it’s not W’s first baby. Don’t think it makes any difference but just clarifying so I don’t cause another pile-on for lying or drip feeding or whatever.

OP posts:
Andoutcomethewolves · 24/06/2025 13:53

Just to be completely clear - P isn't just annoyed that her birthday THIS year will be overshadowed?

She's also upset that if the baby does come on her birthday, W, the main birthday organiser by the sounds of it, will no longer be giving P her full and undivided attention in years to come?? And sent you a long crying voice note about it?

Wow. Well I don't think P needs to worry about that because if I was W she'd be gone as a friend now anyway.

Destiny123 · 24/06/2025 13:52

You rarely have any say in induction days.fitst time mums often take a number of days to be induced, it would be unlikely to clash

Tornad · 24/06/2025 13:52

ReproachfulOwl · 24/06/2025 13:49

Suppose you just focus for now on the other three friends in the group who don’t merit an initial, presumably because they’re not involved in this lunacy?

I haven’t spoken to any of the others since - one is actively ignoring me. I’m also not sure what you think W has done wrong.

OP posts:
SanctusInDistress · 24/06/2025 13:51

Are they, like, 5 years old?

Tornad · 24/06/2025 13:51

MakeItToTheMoon · 24/06/2025 13:47

I cannot believe I have actually wasted time reading the whole post and the updates Confused surely this can’t be a real “problem”? Where do grown up women with families have time for all these non issues

So, if you were being induced and one of your oldest friends stopped talking to you because of it, you’d honestly go “this is a non-issue” and won’t play on my mind at all? Don’t be ridiculous!

I’m sorry you wasted your time reading and couldn’t come up with a response that didn’t make you look dense.

OP posts:
Genevieva · 24/06/2025 13:50

The date chosen will be a clinical decision, not one determined by W’s diary or desire to usurp her friend. P needs to get a grip. But honestly, it doesn’t sound like you’d be friends with either of them if you met now, so keep your distance until it blows over. Maybe distance yourself generally and focus on friends and family you actually like.

ReproachfulOwl · 24/06/2025 13:49

Tornad · 24/06/2025 13:40

It’s about whether or not I was right to think P is wrong.

Suppose you just focus for now on the other three friends in the group who don’t merit an initial, presumably because they’re not involved in this lunacy?

MakeItToTheMoon · 24/06/2025 13:47

I cannot believe I have actually wasted time reading the whole post and the updates Confused surely this can’t be a real “problem”? Where do grown up women with families have time for all these non issues

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