Breakdown in friend group - who is right?

P sounds like an absolute raging narcissist tbh.

I feel very very sorry for W. It sounds like she's been a good friend to you, and is likely going through something with either her health or her babies health. It's absolutely insane that there's anyone in this friendship group even considering P maybe correct. A grown woman crying down the phone because she has to share her birthday with a child?! And her friend might not organise stuff for her birthday anymore?!

Does anyone genuinely believe that someone who's been a good friend for 30 yrs. Put effort into others birthdays and life events, been at the end of the phone for you all, you describe as very thoughtful and inclusive would chose to get induced on their friends birthday for any other reason than it was the best thing for her and her baby?!

You like P because she's fun. But she sounds a shit friend. She's judgemental, puts little effort in, ignores your group for months. "High energy, witty, life and soul of the party" coupled with the crying sounds like attention seeker with main character syndrome, who expects to be the centre of others lives without putting the effort in.

Put her and any of your other friends indulging her to the back of your mind. Focus on W and the others in the group. My only genuine concern would be if P is going through some sort of crisis, because that is absolutely not a normal response for an adult to have

P is a fucking asshole.

W's being induced for a reason and it's not to fuck with P's birthday. She doesn't decide the date, she gets slotted in and that might change.

OP is only being rude to the posters that have been rude to her. For some reason, loads of posters have taken great offence at this thread and the constant refrain telling OP that she and the rest of her friendship group need to grow up is annoying. It's such a trite and unoriginal put-down. I can't imagine why 'W' needs to grow up. She has been booked in for an induction for medical reasons on a date decided by her doctors. She hasn't done this on purpose to piss 'P' off and ruin her birthday.

The more you think about it you have come to the conclusion that someone who values birthdays would book her hospital appt on someone's bday in order to ruin the event? You need help.

What growing up does 'W' have to do? She is simply having an induction of labour on a date chosen by the hospital.

This is all very appeasing of P, and making excuses or justifications for W.

Whereas the problem is P and her attitude/ behaviour.

I would say “ LOL does P stand for preposterous now? You are being outrageous, unfair and unreasonable. If you think you have right on your side maybe contact W’s obstetrician and see how far you get”

W appreciates and puts effort into birthdays, P is more relaxed. It is really unreasonable of P to expect any effort on birthday even from W when she doesn't give the same back.

Even more unreasonable for P to be thinking about birthday rather than possible reason for W's induction and concern for W and baby.

That said P is being so unreasonable I have to think she is not happy/coping. So I might gently try and check in on her. But any more criticism or complaint about W baby possibly sharing a birthday would get a blunt response from me about how self centred she is being.

But tbh I don’t understand this.

from what you’ve said, W is the only one who puts effort in for P. So instead of thanking her, P is raging that it may come to an end. It sounds fairly hypocritical and ungrateful to me, like biting the hand that feeds you

Is it a slam dunk though? Does it really matter if she did choose for her induction to be that day?

Ultimately no one has ownership of a day, regardless of it being their birthday.

Even if the baby was born a few days before or after P; W would likely be taking a step back from P’s birthday regardless. Is P really expecting a big surprise birthday bash from W, if W is on holiday for her child’s birthday?

Grow up. This kind of shit should have been left behind in the playground.

P is being ridiculous. I don't think there's any excuse for her making such an insane fuss.

Your OP is written in an unclear way. You give both opinions -that you think P is wrong but also that now you are changing your mind and think P is right. It makes it hard to figure out how to vote.

Either way, P is bonkers and you are maybe a bit too inclined to give in to peer pressure? (Obviously hard to tell from posts on Mumsnet, but maybe something to consider). I hope W and baby are ok.

To be fair to the OP I could see myself getting arsey and defensive if I felt like I was being attacked by some of the cunty replies the OP is getting and then being made out like I’m the one with the problem just because I’m getting pissed off with it.

I hope the baby is born on her birthday btw because this whole situation would piss me off

I know mumsnet hates jumping to diagnosing neurodivergence but P sounds like she might have adhd - chronically disorganised and is now having a bout of rejection sensitive dysphoria perhaps? Would also make sense of why she struggles to 'read the room' re parenting chat. It definitely sounds like she's struggling mentally since becoming a mum. This isn't an excuse though. I feel for W and I agree she needs you to keep standing up for her, that's it's fine for her to get induced in any date and her baby arriving safely is infinitely more important than a grown woman's birthday

Wow! P is awful. So are some of the people posting on this thread it seems.

OP you have not gone mad, though I understand second guessing yourself in this situation. I’d drop P and throw my energy into supporting W. You haven’t said much about the other friend who’s ignoring you. I’d be careful of saying too much to any of this friend group about the situation at all. You could end up with P and W making up and the whole group deciding you’re the problem. People are weird. Ignore P. Stop chasing the other friend if they’re not responding. Try to stay in touch with the other 2 without commenting on the situation.

You’re all being absolutely ridiculous tbh. They have no choice on induction dates and the doctors are obviously doing it for the safety of the baby! Absolutely pathetic if they are falling out over it. And it is highly unlikely they will actually be born on the same day she’s induced

So, it seems then that P is now blanking you simply because you gently gave her reasons why W has done nothing wrong and she's annoyed you don't agree with her. If I were you OP, I wouldn't get drawn into any further discussion with P about it unless she's given it some thought and realised she was being unreasonable. As for the other friend who also appears to be ignoring you, I would send her one last text along the lines of "Is everything OK? We were discussing the festival arrangements, but I haven't heard back from you." If you don't hear back then don't contact her again. Eventually what she's thinking will be revealed to you, one way or another, and then you can point out that you did nothing wrong and certainly nothing which warranted her blanking you.
ETA And keep supporting W as neither she or you have done anything wrong in this friendship group.

P is a total knob and you know that. However likely the induction will take a couple of days, which won’t give them the same birthday, but should give you all a bit of time to grow up.

P is an absolute loon.

P sounds absolutely batshit!

And the woman thinking this is almost 40 years old? She needs to get a serious grip. Imagine going through life with this level of entitlement. Astounding.

I actually feel very sorry for W. All this energy she put all these years for everyone, she was the life of the group it seems and now has to deal with this lunacy. I wouldn’t drop her and I hope people don’t mean that when they say stay away from the drama. For what is worth if P is a malignant narcissist she doesn’t care if she will be alone now from now on. She doesn’t like you anymore anyway if she has given you only a bit attention over the years and only took pride of herself and became more vocal or gained a personality through motherhood (in a maybe wrong way) with preaching and such. She probably was already ready to drop all of you. She just wanted to create some drone in her exiting the scene, throwing some poison like a spider who then is going to “die”. She probably knows there’s no coming back for the friendship group but she would enjoy if you and the other 3 drop W too, because “you wanted to stay out of the drama”.

Her main source of insecurities and self pitifulness was always probably W, maybe that’s why she wasn’t around much and in and out of the friendship. She can’t stand that W is truly caring. W is probably the glue that holds it together for very long time and P wanted to go down and take you with her (even if you distanced from her too).

I had a similar thing happened with a P in my life, her relationship with X, Y, Z, Omega ( as you and the other 3) was already stretched and she was full of complaints and demands. She then said and expressed a demand and expectation about me that was unreasonable. So the first two didn’t really turned her down and gave her some thought. Then one learned my side and turned her down and started to get unhinged. The 3rd knew from the start the whole story and stopped her. She literally said to her to “f off” and shut the phone on her. The 4th one showed in his own way his big disapproval of what she had complained about me and the way she had done it too (with passive aggressive messages) but she kind of scared of him and zipped it with him.

So many months later and I’m still hurt not only how she threw her poison (which only made her relationship with the others worse too) but mostly because the first person gave her some space even though what she had said and demanded was unhinged, and took me a lot of time to prove my point and even show the passive aggressive messages. It’s the person I always had a soft spot and being very generous with them but in turn they have a soft spot for the P in our lives. She doesn have a thing about the birthdays especially her children’s birthdays, in one occasion her behaviour became traumatic for anyone present (shouted and caused a scene).

I might take a wild guess here, but OP do you have a soft spot for P although she’s totally in the wrong and even have some sort of resentment towards W that doesn’t help you to be objective right now?

That was my first experience anyway in a similar drama.

You are right to think P is wrong.