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Breakdown in friend group - who is right?

461 replies

Tornad · 24/06/2025 09:00

I’m not either of these two people.

P, W and 3 others have been friend since school, almost 30 years. Now all getting married, having children, etc. Don’t live locally to one another but still close and see each other very regularly (almost always as a group or one-on-one - i.e. we would never meet up as a three or a four without everyone being invited).

W has always been high maintenance as a friend. She expects us to be there for her, get birthday presents, attend birthday events, etc. She also gives out the same energy. She will always organise gifts,I’ve heaven and earth to attend special moments and be on the end of the phone. So, she’s not a hypocrite or a taker. She just expects a lot from friendship in general.

P has always been more relaxed. Unreliable, late to things, forgets things, doesn’t respond for months at a time, didn’t hear her phone… but she’s really fun to be around. Witty, cool, energetic. But, since having her own kids, P has also become quite high maintenance. Everything is a drama, the world is ending every couple of weeks, everything revolves around her DS. She’s very “crunchy mum” and makes her opinions known on our parenting and nutrition. I’m hoping this will pass because I wouldn’t befriend her if I met her now.

Anyway. W is pregnant and being induced early. She hasn’t said but I assume this is for medical reasons. They don’t tend to induce early just for fun. The date for the induction is P’s birthday. P is furious about this. She thinks that W has done this on purpose to usurp her birthday. She has vowed to never speak to W again and says that it’s “the final straw”.

My initial thought is that P is being ridiculous but, the more I think about it, W has always made a big deal out of birthdays and now P won’t be W’s focus on her birthday, her DD/DS will be.

Who is right here?

OP posts:
cryptide · 25/06/2025 12:42

Whattodo1610 · 24/06/2025 18:56

You really are banging on though! Everyone has said P is ridiculous, therefore you know you were correct on your take of the situation. Everyone has said W cannot choose her induction date, therefore she’s done nothing wrong. What else do you want??? Again, you ALL need to grow up! You’s are nearly 40 fgs!

To be fair, some people have said that both P and W are at fault, and that W needs to grow up. OP is perfectly reasonable to query what they think W has done wrong.

cryptide · 25/06/2025 12:33

MyDeftDuck · 24/06/2025 10:26

FFS, P and W need to bloody grow up and start behaving like adults……..strikes me they are all tarred with the same brush!

Why does W need to grow up?

blackbirdevensong · 25/06/2025 12:15

Wait, the birth/induction day is in the week and the lunch is the weekend prior? P is actually crazy!!!

Someone should tell P that the baby will probably be born the following day, too. And that she needs to grow up 😆

Maray1967 · 25/06/2025 12:01

Soontobe60 · 24/06/2025 10:08

Maybe P could get in tough with Ws consultant and ask them to postpone the induction date?

Yes, we’d all love to know how that would go!!!

Seriously, OP - you really need to ask?!!!

nadine90 · 25/06/2025 12:00

Apt initial P has, since she’s truly taking the P.

IHopeYouStepOnALegPiece · 25/06/2025 11:57

Whattodo1610 · 25/06/2025 09:53

No they haven’t. No one has said W is wrong. You’re banging on as in continually posting about a non incident. EVERYONE has said P is ridiculous, YOU think/know P is ridiculous, yet you keep posting, wanting verification 😵‍💫😵‍💫 Like I and many others have said, grow up, act your age not your shoe size. That applies to all of you. And you say you don’t love drama 🤔 🦙

Honestly, I would bother trying to point this out...You can't argue with stupid! 😂

Tornad · 25/06/2025 11:49

Whattodo1610 · 25/06/2025 09:53

No they haven’t. No one has said W is wrong. You’re banging on as in continually posting about a non incident. EVERYONE has said P is ridiculous, YOU think/know P is ridiculous, yet you keep posting, wanting verification 😵‍💫😵‍💫 Like I and many others have said, grow up, act your age not your shoe size. That applies to all of you. And you say you don’t love drama 🤔 🦙

The post immediately above yours says W needs to grow up. But sure, keep inventing that no one said W has done anything wrong…

Then you’ve said it too 😂😂 You can leave my thread if you don’t like me posting responses to people. No need at all for you to be here “banging on”. Are you honestly such a hypocrite that you think I shouldn’t reply to people speaking directly to me but you should voice your opinion when no one asked you?

Why are you posting at all if you don’t want the thread to continue? As usual, just always needing the last word (even when it’s wrong).

OP posts:
XWKD · 25/06/2025 10:03

Lucky W, now that P will never speak to her again. P is an absolute lunatic.

Whattodo1610 · 25/06/2025 09:53

Tornad · 24/06/2025 18:59

Lots of people have said that both W and I are wrong. I’m asking those people why.

No one is asking you to be here. I haven’t said a single thing that isn’t a reply since the start of the thread so not sure how I can “banging on” unless everyone else is “banging on” too.

If you have such an issue with me conversing with other posters on the thread I started, you can go. It doesn’t impact you.

No they haven’t. No one has said W is wrong. You’re banging on as in continually posting about a non incident. EVERYONE has said P is ridiculous, YOU think/know P is ridiculous, yet you keep posting, wanting verification 😵‍💫😵‍💫 Like I and many others have said, grow up, act your age not your shoe size. That applies to all of you. And you say you don’t love drama 🤔 🦙

BusyMum47 · 25/06/2025 06:57

didntlikeanyofthesuggestions · 24/06/2025 09:05

Grow up, all of you.

FFS. This! ⬆️ 🤦‍♀️

Thatsalineallright · 24/06/2025 22:34

OP, why on earth would you even entertain the idea that P is in the right?

You've asked why some posters are telling you to grow up. I'm not them so can only assume, but I think it's probably because you seem much too easily swayed by the opinions of others.

The way you set out your OP makes it crystal clear that W has done nothing wrong. But apparently you were considering blaming her because... some other friend is not messaging you? Is that really enough for you to blame a good friend for having a baby on the 'wrong' day?

If that's how easily you're swayed then yeah, that seems quite immature.

If you're not that easily swayed, then I don't understand why you'd even bother starting this thread.

Moonlightdust · 24/06/2025 22:32

I’m guessing all the kids in this group are quite young as in a few years after running raggard with multiple kids nobody is going to give a s**t about other kids’ birthdays.
For a grown woman to have a hissy fit because her friend dare be induced on her birthday is utter madness. The fact another friend in this circle had taken her side further proves the ridiculous dynamics in this group.
Was there another friend not mentioned and what is her view on this absurdity?

To top it off P’s birthday lunch or whatever isn’t even booked on her actual birthday so she’s still having her celebrations without the ‘shine’ taken off her. I am 40 and couldn’t give a flying monkeys about my birthday - this entitlement in itself especially as a mother with new priorities is baffling to me… Celebrations shouldn’t be what holds friendships together - that’s surface stuff. Real friendship is about being there for one another through thick and thin.

Messycoo · 24/06/2025 22:19

P has become highly strung since having children and is struggling and maybe finding being a parent overwhelming ? And hence becoming high maintenance and taking it personally.

Hoardasauruskaren · 24/06/2025 22:05

P is batshit! Unless it’s a big birthday most adults don’t expect anyone except close family to celebrate their birthday! Loads of people share birthdays with family members! My dc share a birthday with my sister & my sister has always loved it! Very self absorbed to be annoyed that a friend is being induced on your birthday! Shes not doj g it for fun! Hope all goes well for W.

whynotmereally · 24/06/2025 22:01

Obviously w has done nothing wrong. Does she know about any of this?
if I’m counting correctly thes P, W, you, friend who’s ignoring you and a fifth person? Have you spoken to her?

WickedWitchOfTheEast87 · 24/06/2025 21:57

Tornad · 24/06/2025 21:54

I’ll join you on anything with alcohol at this point 😂

Virtually pouring us a triple JD and Coke! 🍸

Tornad · 24/06/2025 21:54

WickedWitchOfTheEast87 · 24/06/2025 21:52

🤣 @Tornad No problem we've all been there 🙈 thank you for apologising, can we have a virtual drink to break the ice? I'm a JD and Whiskey girl 😉

I’ll join you on anything with alcohol at this point 😂

OP posts:
WickedWitchOfTheEast87 · 24/06/2025 21:52

Tornad · 24/06/2025 21:43

Sorry, I have no idea how mumsnet attached my reply to your comment. It wasn’t aimed at you at all. That was just a glitch.

🤣 @Tornad No problem we've all been there 🙈 thank you for apologising, can we have a virtual drink to break the ice? I'm a JD and Whiskey girl 😉

Butchyrestingface · 24/06/2025 21:51

Tornad · 24/06/2025 21:36

You’re hilarious

Yes, that’s paraphrasing.

Yes, I’m neither person in the OP so YABU is the opinion I agree with.

Congratulations on having something “occur” to you that other people have already said. Do you get all your ideas from things other people have said?

You’re clearly not that bright, this conversation is pretty pointless

Nice attempt at back-pedalling. You're still unreasonable.

As for what others may have said about the DM, no, I haven't slavishly read all 16 pages of your thread so I don't know that it's already been suggested (not surprising though). I read all of your posts and skim read through some of the other posts. The vote is pretty one-sided that you are being unreasonable to wonder whether P is justified so a forensic analysis of everyone else's posts hardly seems needed.

You’re clearly not that bright, this conversation is pretty pointless

Ah well, at least I didn't need to ask strangers on the internet whether it's unreasonable for a friend to lose the plot when someone has a baby on their birthday. Wink

Tornad · 24/06/2025 21:43

WickedWitchOfTheEast87 · 24/06/2025 21:41

I haven't admitted nor denied anything OP, please point out where I did?

My two previous posts were actually in support of and agreeing with you 100%. Your friend P is in my opinion being extremely unreasonable and going by your posts sounds like a selfish cow who does indeed need to grow up and get the fuck over it her friend could be facing a serious situation if she's being induced and instead of being concerned about W her so called close friend she's upset that if W has her baby on her birthday W will no longer make the effort and will prioritise her child.

Also as you pointed out the vote is in your favour and I actually voted YANBU! There's no need cop an attitude with me when I haven't been rude to you and I still stand my by opinion that YANBU but you were a out of order biting my head off if you wanted me to explain any of what I said you could have asked me.

Sorry, I have no idea how mumsnet attached my reply to your comment. It wasn’t aimed at you at all. That was just a glitch.

OP posts:
WickedWitchOfTheEast87 · 24/06/2025 21:41

Tornad · 24/06/2025 21:22

You’re admitting to everything you’ve denied and don’t even realise.

I’m not sure how you’ve reached your age and not come across paraphrasing before 😂

The vote is in my favour…

I haven't admitted nor denied anything OP, please point out where I did?

My two previous posts were actually in support of and agreeing with you 100%. Your friend P is in my opinion being extremely unreasonable and going by your posts sounds like a selfish cow who does indeed need to grow up and get the fuck over it her friend could be facing a serious situation if she's being induced and instead of being concerned about W her so called close friend she's upset that if W has her baby on her birthday W will no longer make the effort and will prioritise her child.

Also as you pointed out the vote is in your favour and I actually voted YANBU! There's no need cop an attitude with me when I haven't been rude to you and I still stand my by opinion that YANBU but you were a out of order biting my head off if you wanted me to explain any of what I said you could have asked me.

FridayFeelingmidweek · 24/06/2025 21:40

What a crazy friendship group.

The person bothered about their birthday is nuts.

The fact you're on here asking is also mad. Surely you know the answer.

Are you all early 20s?

KeenGreen · 24/06/2025 21:39

I clicked the wrong button.

P is massively unreasonable, you can’t pick your induction date, you go with what the medical staff decide.

Also just because she is due for induction that day doesn’t mean baby will be born that day.

I was due for induction on the Monday. But they couldn’t fit me in, ended up having induction started on the Tuesday and baby born on the Wednesday.

It’s a medical procedure and a grown adults birthday should not trump it!

Tornad · 24/06/2025 21:36

Butchyrestingface · 24/06/2025 21:32

You weren't paraphrasing with direct quotes. You were trying to suggest I had actually said those things. You're admitting to falsely attributing statements to other posters and you don't even realise. I'm not sure how you've reached your age and not worked out how making things up works.

And the vote is 83% YABU. That is in response to your statement in the OP:

"My initial thought is that P is being ridiculous but, the more I think about it, W has always made a big deal out of birthdays and now P won’t be W’s focus on her birthday, her DD/DS will be."

Eg, "the more I think about it" you are not sure P is being unreasonable. 83% of posters appear to disagree.

Btw, it has occurred to me that this is precisely the kind of thread that the DM will eat up. I can see the headlines now "Poster takes to Mumsnet to ask whether it's unreasonable to have a baby on your friend's birthday". That's not a paraphrase, btw. That's actually the way they'll put it.* *

I hope W and P don't recognise themselves.

You’re hilarious

Yes, that’s paraphrasing.

Yes, I’m neither person in the OP so YABU is the opinion I agree with.

Congratulations on having something “occur” to you that other people have already said. Do you get all your ideas from things other people have said?

You’re clearly not that bright, this conversation is pretty pointless

OP posts:
ToWhitToWhoo · 24/06/2025 21:34

While both friends may be difficult in certain ways, I am absolutely horrified that P would consider her birthday more important than someone else's need for an induction! And would see such things in terms of 'usurping her birthday'. (Could part of her problem be that W's child will now share P's birthday, and may take precedence for her mother on future occasions? Not that this is an excuse for her attitude.)

It's not P's 5th birthday, is it? Even if it is, she's being rather a spoilt brat about it.

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