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Breakdown in friend group - who is right?

461 replies

Tornad · 24/06/2025 09:00

I’m not either of these two people.

P, W and 3 others have been friend since school, almost 30 years. Now all getting married, having children, etc. Don’t live locally to one another but still close and see each other very regularly (almost always as a group or one-on-one - i.e. we would never meet up as a three or a four without everyone being invited).

W has always been high maintenance as a friend. She expects us to be there for her, get birthday presents, attend birthday events, etc. She also gives out the same energy. She will always organise gifts,I’ve heaven and earth to attend special moments and be on the end of the phone. So, she’s not a hypocrite or a taker. She just expects a lot from friendship in general.

P has always been more relaxed. Unreliable, late to things, forgets things, doesn’t respond for months at a time, didn’t hear her phone… but she’s really fun to be around. Witty, cool, energetic. But, since having her own kids, P has also become quite high maintenance. Everything is a drama, the world is ending every couple of weeks, everything revolves around her DS. She’s very “crunchy mum” and makes her opinions known on our parenting and nutrition. I’m hoping this will pass because I wouldn’t befriend her if I met her now.

Anyway. W is pregnant and being induced early. She hasn’t said but I assume this is for medical reasons. They don’t tend to induce early just for fun. The date for the induction is P’s birthday. P is furious about this. She thinks that W has done this on purpose to usurp her birthday. She has vowed to never speak to W again and says that it’s “the final straw”.

My initial thought is that P is being ridiculous but, the more I think about it, W has always made a big deal out of birthdays and now P won’t be W’s focus on her birthday, her DD/DS will be.

Who is right here?

OP posts:
HomoHeinekenensis · 25/06/2025 18:32

Butchyrestingface · 24/06/2025 21:09

I'm not struggling to keep anything straight. I absolutely confirm I was incredulous about the possibility that you were genuinely uncertain about whether P was being unreasonable. Hence why I asked. I am STILL incredulous. I note you are ignoring the fact that you made up a false quote and attributed it to me so I don't think you're in a strong position to accuse anyone else of struggling to keep their story straight.

I was not attempting to start an argument - why would I when you are already arguing with so many posters on the thread? But I was absolutely sincere in asking whether you were genuinely uncertain about whether P was being unreasonable.

No matter how you try to deflect, the fact that you actually started a thread on MN to ask total strangers whether your friend was being unreasonable to object to someone else having a baby on her birthday is mind-boggling. Hence why the voting has gone the way it has.

I agree. That you can even have thought for 1/10 of a nanosecond @Tornad that P is possibly reasonable is incredible.

Manypets · 25/06/2025 18:17

Just because you are
induced on a date, it doesnt follow you have the baby that day. I was induced, waited 24
hours..and still
notjing happened so they V sectioned..it very rarely kicks in straight away and all
it does
is
kicks off labour..which can as many will attest be long. In my case, I was induced at 11am on 14 Feb, my son didnt rock up till 1345 via c section on the 15th. People were on the same induction ward were still labouring then..

Gcsunnyside23 · 25/06/2025 18:11

Tell P to grow the hell up and think about her poor friend having to go through induction for what I assume will be medical reasons

ArtfulCrow · 25/06/2025 18:01

Can't believe this thread is still going. Feel like OP has had a bet with someone that she can create a post that reaches the 1,000 post limit

Tornad · 25/06/2025 17:37

Whattodo1610 · 25/06/2025 15:47

OP got this exact information on page 1, but is still looking for reassurance that P is being unreasonable 🤷‍♀️😂 … oh and she’s obviously still here just for the drama and arguments she’s causing 😉

And what are you still here for?

OP posts:
Whattodo1610 · 25/06/2025 15:47

Ellie1015 · 25/06/2025 14:00

I cant understand the people arguing with you OP. They need to grow up. I wouldn't waste any more energy engaging with them.

Hopefully you got some useful info in that many agree P is out of order. And I agree with you W has done nothing wrong at all.

OP got this exact information on page 1, but is still looking for reassurance that P is being unreasonable 🤷‍♀️😂 … oh and she’s obviously still here just for the drama and arguments she’s causing 😉

Butchyrestingface · 25/06/2025 15:22

CheeseFiend40 · 25/06/2025 15:04

The last part about them following you around the site etc does change things, you obviously shouldn't have to put up with that. But mumsnet is absolutely rife with those type of people. They simply have nothing better to do with their time or anything else going on in their lives. They must get some sort of sadistic kick out of all this. Honestly it must be a very sad existence, but I have the small hope that they're letting all their nastiness out at online strangers so they're not directing it to people irl.

You however have a family, friends and I presume much better things to spend your time and energy on than arguing with some internet weirdos all day. Is it really worth engaging with them?

I was intrigued by the claim about other posters following the OP round the site, tagging her in unrelated posts and using her handle to spread nasty responses 'far and wide'.

So I did an AS. I can see a single instance where one poster on another thread asked another poster if they were W in this thread. So far I can't see anything else, so either the posts that the OP speak of have all subsequently been deleted OR there is something wrong with my use of AS. If someone else can find all these other posts and threads, I'll obviously read them.

Eldermileniummam · 25/06/2025 15:06

You're not being told to "grow up" for living your lives and having babies, you're being told this for being bothered by something trivial like the date on which a baby is born possibly coinciding with a friend's birthday and you for posting on Mumsnet about it. Do you really not understand OP?

CheeseFiend40 · 25/06/2025 15:04

Tornad · 25/06/2025 13:52

I appreciate what you’ve said - I could ignore them being rude.

However, I do find it odd that you have no issue with them being rude but have taken issue with me replying to that rudeness. I do not understand why, again and again, being rude to an OP is perfectly fine on this forum but the OP responding in kind calls for criticism. I wasn’t rude to anyone who wasn’t rude to me for absolutely no reason - and, at this point, it’s somewhat a point of principle that I won’t be bullied off my thread by posters telling me I’m not allowed to reply to people while they repeatedly post (I am not saying you are one of those posters, to be clear)

I’m not a troll. I can’t update on the situation when nothing has happened since I posted. And, when there is an update, why would I share it when I’ve had so many unnecessarily rude replies?

I don’t agree that I need to grow up. I think the people who need to grow up are those who come on here and get their jollies by being rude to strangers for no reason and then cannot cope when someone claps back. Adults aren’t shocked when people treat you how you treated them first.

As I’ve said several times, I haven’t been anything other than extremely polite to a single person who wasn’t rude to me first. I don’t understand why being rude to people who started a conversation rudely makes me the bad guy. As another poster said, if they can’t take it back, they shouldn’t give it out.

It’s not evident from this thread but those posters have followed me around the site, tagged me in other posts, commented on several other things about me and using my handle and spread their nasty responses far and wide - and then come back like butter wouldn’t melt on here pretending they’ve not said or done anything wrong.

The last part about them following you around the site etc does change things, you obviously shouldn't have to put up with that. But mumsnet is absolutely rife with those type of people. They simply have nothing better to do with their time or anything else going on in their lives. They must get some sort of sadistic kick out of all this. Honestly it must be a very sad existence, but I have the small hope that they're letting all their nastiness out at online strangers so they're not directing it to people irl.

You however have a family, friends and I presume much better things to spend your time and energy on than arguing with some internet weirdos all day. Is it really worth engaging with them?

Butchyrestingface · 25/06/2025 14:41

Suednymph · 25/06/2025 13:51

I assume the op actually is P what with the responses.

Really? I thought the responses indicated OP was probably W. 😅

Tornad · 25/06/2025 14:39

Ellie1015 · 25/06/2025 14:00

I cant understand the people arguing with you OP. They need to grow up. I wouldn't waste any more energy engaging with them.

Hopefully you got some useful info in that many agree P is out of order. And I agree with you W has done nothing wrong at all.

Honestly just had enough of people just blatantly lying. People literally going “no one said X” and then “I haven’t RTFT”. Then don’t fucking comment on what has or hasn’t been said?!

People still saying no one said W needs to grow up! It is written in black and white on the thread!!!

OP posts:
Fingernailbiter · 25/06/2025 14:28

I don’t think I have often heard anything so ludicrous. P sounds like a narcissist of the highest order and if any of the other people give her any support in this they are encouraging her total self-centredness and belief that the world has to revolve around her.

There are many factors for a woman and her doctors to consider when deciding the date for an early induction, but "Is it the birthday of someone you know?" is not one of them.

friendlycat · 25/06/2025 14:21

People are consistently saying P is in the wrong.
I can’t see people stating W is in the wrong as it’s obvious she isn’t.

But people are stating overall that P needs to grow up and the tone of your responses and argumentative stance is also leading people to suggest that “everyone” needs to grow up - accepting that W should be excluded from this “everyone” group.

You’ve had a fair few of your own posts deleted by MN and aren’t taking on board that everyone thinks P is unreasonable. What more do you want?
People don’t understand why you require validation that P is in the wrong. But they’ve given you that validation anyway.

Ellie1015 · 25/06/2025 14:00

I cant understand the people arguing with you OP. They need to grow up. I wouldn't waste any more energy engaging with them.

Hopefully you got some useful info in that many agree P is out of order. And I agree with you W has done nothing wrong at all.

Thatsalineallright · 25/06/2025 13:55

Tornad · 25/06/2025 13:17

If she hasn’t done anything wrong, why would she need to grow up? I know the thread is full of people saying that. Idiots tend to copy other idiots. Not one person can explain why - and you just denied anyone was criticising W! Now you’re saying loads of people are. Make up your mind!

Are you always so difficult and immature? You need to grow up.

Who do you think you are to demand I stop posting unless I get your consent? You’re not the Queen! I don’t give a single shit about whether you think I’m allowed to post. Despite not actually needing your consent, I’ve answered your question repeatedly - you’re still having your little strop.

I know how chat sites work - do you? You’re the one telling me I’m not allowed to speak. I never said you can’t, I questioned why you keep talking when no one spoke to you if you think I’m not allowed to speak when directly spoken to. You haven’t been able to answer that because the only answer is “I’m an undeniable raging hypocrite”.

What do you want? Why do you keep posting? Maybe I should take your advice and stop arguing with stupid.

I've explained why. You're just ignoring my posts because you don't like what I'm saying. Fair enough, but don't pretend people haven't explained why you should all grow up.

Tornad · 25/06/2025 13:52

CheeseFiend40 · 25/06/2025 13:36

Can’t work out if OP is a troll, it’s a really odd thread. The original dilemma was actually really interesting, and I’d been hoping for some updates on the whole P and W situation. However each notification of a new update is just the OP having a slanging match with random posters. Then she keeps wondering why people are telling her to grow up.

Not sure if OP realises you can just simply ignore the posters that are being rude… 🤷‍♀️

I appreciate what you’ve said - I could ignore them being rude.

However, I do find it odd that you have no issue with them being rude but have taken issue with me replying to that rudeness. I do not understand why, again and again, being rude to an OP is perfectly fine on this forum but the OP responding in kind calls for criticism. I wasn’t rude to anyone who wasn’t rude to me for absolutely no reason - and, at this point, it’s somewhat a point of principle that I won’t be bullied off my thread by posters telling me I’m not allowed to reply to people while they repeatedly post (I am not saying you are one of those posters, to be clear)

I’m not a troll. I can’t update on the situation when nothing has happened since I posted. And, when there is an update, why would I share it when I’ve had so many unnecessarily rude replies?

I don’t agree that I need to grow up. I think the people who need to grow up are those who come on here and get their jollies by being rude to strangers for no reason and then cannot cope when someone claps back. Adults aren’t shocked when people treat you how you treated them first.

As I’ve said several times, I haven’t been anything other than extremely polite to a single person who wasn’t rude to me first. I don’t understand why being rude to people who started a conversation rudely makes me the bad guy. As another poster said, if they can’t take it back, they shouldn’t give it out.

It’s not evident from this thread but those posters have followed me around the site, tagged me in other posts, commented on several other things about me and using my handle and spread their nasty responses far and wide - and then come back like butter wouldn’t melt on here pretending they’ve not said or done anything wrong.

OP posts:
Suednymph · 25/06/2025 13:51

DontTouchRoach · 25/06/2025 13:38

P is completely fucking mental. I’m amazed you’d have to ask.

I assume the op actually is P what with the responses.

DontTouchRoach · 25/06/2025 13:38

P is completely fucking mental. I’m amazed you’d have to ask.

CheeseFiend40 · 25/06/2025 13:36

Can’t work out if OP is a troll, it’s a really odd thread. The original dilemma was actually really interesting, and I’d been hoping for some updates on the whole P and W situation. However each notification of a new update is just the OP having a slanging match with random posters. Then she keeps wondering why people are telling her to grow up.

Not sure if OP realises you can just simply ignore the posters that are being rude… 🤷‍♀️

okydokethen · 25/06/2025 13:23

P is not very nice, let’s hope with children, these women grow up.

Tornad · 25/06/2025 13:17

Whattodo1610 · 25/06/2025 12:59

Saying W needs to grow up isn’t saying she’s done anything wrong. The whole thread is filled with posts saying you’s need to grow up. 🤷‍♀️
I’ve asked you many time what exactly you want from this thread now, as you have the answers you came for - again, just wondering why you keep spouting the same rubbish out over and over?
Voice my opinion when no one asked me 😂😂😂😂 you know how chat sites work, right? 😂😂😂😂 Or maybe not as you’re so immature 🤷‍♀️

But yes, as a pp said, you can’t argue with stupid. Very true, very apt.

If she hasn’t done anything wrong, why would she need to grow up? I know the thread is full of people saying that. Idiots tend to copy other idiots. Not one person can explain why - and you just denied anyone was criticising W! Now you’re saying loads of people are. Make up your mind!

Are you always so difficult and immature? You need to grow up.

Who do you think you are to demand I stop posting unless I get your consent? You’re not the Queen! I don’t give a single shit about whether you think I’m allowed to post. Despite not actually needing your consent, I’ve answered your question repeatedly - you’re still having your little strop.

I know how chat sites work - do you? You’re the one telling me I’m not allowed to speak. I never said you can’t, I questioned why you keep talking when no one spoke to you if you think I’m not allowed to speak when directly spoken to. You haven’t been able to answer that because the only answer is “I’m an undeniable raging hypocrite”.

What do you want? Why do you keep posting? Maybe I should take your advice and stop arguing with stupid.

OP posts:
Saladleaves17 · 25/06/2025 13:08

Whoever isn’t being induced needs to get over themselves. Induction is not a nice thing to have done, and I would bet money on your friend not choosing to have it unless there was a reason. She probably didn’t choose the date either, if it’s early and planned it will be scheduled around when the hospital can do it and also for the health of mum and baby.

Is your friend honestly expecting her to postpone her induction to attend her birthday party? What happens if something happens to mum or baby in the mean time or at her actual party? She’d probably get the hump then for taking the attention away from her.

Your friend needs to grow up, it’s her birthday. I really don’t understand why grown adults are so sensitive over birthday parties. It really is just another day. There’s 364 other days she could have her party on. If her friend being there is so important, why doesn’t she rearrange it for when the baby is here?

Thatsalineallright · 25/06/2025 13:06

In order, W is perhaps a bit unreasonable to put so much emphasis on celebrating birthdays etc when she's nearing 40. A little immature maybe but harmless.

OP is unreasonable to turn on a friend (W) just based on the opinions of others. Feels a need to fit in with the group (one friend and P have stopped contacting her, therefore she started convincing herself that W is in the wrong). Immature and not a very good friend.

P is incredibly unreasonable to be making another woman giving birth all about her. Selfish and incredibly immature. A rubbish friend.

So yeah, everyone needs to grow up.

Whattodo1610 · 25/06/2025 12:59

Tornad · 25/06/2025 11:49

The post immediately above yours says W needs to grow up. But sure, keep inventing that no one said W has done anything wrong…

Then you’ve said it too 😂😂 You can leave my thread if you don’t like me posting responses to people. No need at all for you to be here “banging on”. Are you honestly such a hypocrite that you think I shouldn’t reply to people speaking directly to me but you should voice your opinion when no one asked you?

Why are you posting at all if you don’t want the thread to continue? As usual, just always needing the last word (even when it’s wrong).

Saying W needs to grow up isn’t saying she’s done anything wrong. The whole thread is filled with posts saying you’s need to grow up. 🤷‍♀️
I’ve asked you many time what exactly you want from this thread now, as you have the answers you came for - again, just wondering why you keep spouting the same rubbish out over and over?
Voice my opinion when no one asked me 😂😂😂😂 you know how chat sites work, right? 😂😂😂😂 Or maybe not as you’re so immature 🤷‍♀️

But yes, as a pp said, you can’t argue with stupid. Very true, very apt.

Whattodo1610 · 25/06/2025 12:53

They ALL need to grow up! They’re acting like primary school kids. They’re nearly 40 fgs, it’s ridiculous. Drama much.

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