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Breakdown in friend group - who is right?

461 replies

Tornad · 24/06/2025 09:00

I’m not either of these two people.

P, W and 3 others have been friend since school, almost 30 years. Now all getting married, having children, etc. Don’t live locally to one another but still close and see each other very regularly (almost always as a group or one-on-one - i.e. we would never meet up as a three or a four without everyone being invited).

W has always been high maintenance as a friend. She expects us to be there for her, get birthday presents, attend birthday events, etc. She also gives out the same energy. She will always organise gifts,I’ve heaven and earth to attend special moments and be on the end of the phone. So, she’s not a hypocrite or a taker. She just expects a lot from friendship in general.

P has always been more relaxed. Unreliable, late to things, forgets things, doesn’t respond for months at a time, didn’t hear her phone… but she’s really fun to be around. Witty, cool, energetic. But, since having her own kids, P has also become quite high maintenance. Everything is a drama, the world is ending every couple of weeks, everything revolves around her DS. She’s very “crunchy mum” and makes her opinions known on our parenting and nutrition. I’m hoping this will pass because I wouldn’t befriend her if I met her now.

Anyway. W is pregnant and being induced early. She hasn’t said but I assume this is for medical reasons. They don’t tend to induce early just for fun. The date for the induction is P’s birthday. P is furious about this. She thinks that W has done this on purpose to usurp her birthday. She has vowed to never speak to W again and says that it’s “the final straw”.

My initial thought is that P is being ridiculous but, the more I think about it, W has always made a big deal out of birthdays and now P won’t be W’s focus on her birthday, her DD/DS will be.

Who is right here?

OP posts:
Epidote · 24/06/2025 09:37

Induced by medical reasons. It doesn't matter if she is induced on the birthday or two days later or before. W has enough on her own to be bothering about a birthday. Why the others can't celebrate? Why it has to be one or another? Why someone has to be the center of the day? I don't get it. They are two very different unrelated things. "This is not about I told my mate I'm saving for that TShirt, she told me she doesn't like it but she bought it and wore on the concert thing"
P is being ridiculous and you are reading too much about this.

2chocolateoranges · 24/06/2025 09:36

P is being ridiculous. Too much drama for me . I’d seriously be reconsidering my friendship, P might be fun but she’s always late, doesn’t respond to texts or phone calls , sounds like everything is on her terms and is a total drama queen!

i was induced the day before a friends birthday and baby arrived on friends birthday, I did ask if I could be induced a day earlier or a day later but it was that date only.

baby’s health comes first.

our nephew was born on dhs birhday, I’m so glad he didn’t cause a fuss!

JaneEyre40 · 24/06/2025 09:36

If W actually did this....she's a psycho.

HomoHeinekenensis · 24/06/2025 09:36

Tornad · 24/06/2025 09:25

Thanks everyone - confirmed.

I tried to be as balanced as I could in my OP but I completely agree with you - I just wanted to see if I was missing something.

I have already said to P:

  • That she is likely being induced for medical reasons.
  • That she may not give birth on that day anyway.
  • That she probably didn’t have a choice.
  • That she has lots of friends and family, so the likelihood of it falling on someone’s birthday is pretty high.

Don't get involved. Stand back and let life lessons be learned.

Dinotrot · 24/06/2025 09:36

I was induced on a Sunday and the baby arrived on Wednesday evening so unlikely to arrive same day anyway

Delphiniumandlupins · 24/06/2025 09:35

Sharing your birthday with someone else's baby is a nice thing. Adult birthdays become less important when you have kids.

MrsJoanDanvers · 24/06/2025 09:35

P is being absolutely ridiculous. I would tell her too.

Thedevilwearsprimarni · 24/06/2025 09:35

Tornad · 24/06/2025 09:28

Then why was I attacked for not bringing up enough of W’s good traits?

Surely I can’t be berated for not doing something and then told it’s irrelevant when I point out I did? 😂

Attacked? Fucking hell. Nobody “attacked” anyone. The drama is clearly a feature throughout your friend group.

Happyhettie · 24/06/2025 09:34

This is utterly ridiculous. I hope W’s baby is delivered safe and well and quite honestly that is all anyone should be concerned about. P sounds like an awful friend. I’d be using this to completely distance myself from her.

Can’t remember which poster called her an ‘insufferable loon’ but it was a great phase and one I shall be using more often!

(Don’t know what a ‘crunchy’ mum is but that name alone sounds revolting so I’m not googling it to find out).

Edited due to awful spelling.

HomoHeinekenensis · 24/06/2025 09:34

ReproachfulOwl · 24/06/2025 09:08

And you’re posting this why? Are you contemplating some kind of friendship intervention where you beg W to change her induction date if people on here say ‘Actually, P has a point’?

This. I would see this breakdown as a good thing. It's all too intense and it needs notching back massively.

saltandvinegarchipsticks · 24/06/2025 09:31

It’s obvious from how you write that you know full well that P is not only being unreasonable but also a world-class knobber, and perhaps she needs to be phased out of the group.

IfYouPutASausageInItItsNotAViennetta · 24/06/2025 09:31

Imagine being in your 30s or 40s and being jealous of a baby - essentially just for having been born!

Sera1989 · 24/06/2025 09:30

I wouldn’t be thinking about anyone’s birthday at all if I was being induced. If I said “oh sorry, can I do a different date, that’s my friend’s birthday” the hospital would probably be very bemused. It doesn’t sound like P is a super great friend anyway so has no grounds to kick up a stink. If my friends said anything other than something like “oh maybe I will be birthday twins with the baby! We will need to check we’re not having parties on the same day in the future” ie being happy for me giving birth then I would distance myself. If I was a friend of P I’d tell her she’s being ridiculous/insensitive or distance myself, she just doesn’t sound like a great person to be around generally

WhyWouldAnyone · 24/06/2025 09:29

WTF?

I'd drop P like a hot brick. Considering W is a thoughtful (if not a bit intense) friend and P is likely to forget things and more laissez faire in general, perhaps W didn't think it would be a big deal. Being medically induced on a specific date however, is a big deal. There must be a reason for it and one that affects W and her baby's health!

There must be some serious resentment or tensions already bubbling under the surface there. Sometimes people are friends for too long when the friendship has run its course.

Tornad · 24/06/2025 09:28

ReproachfulOwl · 24/06/2025 09:18

But their good or bad traits are completely irrelevant. Surely you can see this?

If W and P were both neo-Nazis who regularly mugged OAPs for drug money, the situation would be unaltered. No one gets induced early on a specific date to piss off someone else.

Then why was I attacked for not bringing up enough of W’s good traits?

Surely I can’t be berated for not doing something and then told it’s irrelevant when I point out I did? 😂

OP posts:
Tornad · 24/06/2025 09:25

Thanks everyone - confirmed.

I tried to be as balanced as I could in my OP but I completely agree with you - I just wanted to see if I was missing something.

I have already said to P:

  • That she is likely being induced for medical reasons.
  • That she may not give birth on that day anyway.
  • That she probably didn’t have a choice.
  • That she has lots of friends and family, so the likelihood of it falling on someone’s birthday is pretty high.
OP posts:
Kipperandarthur · 24/06/2025 09:25

I'm really surprised you are all in your thirties or thereabouts. You all sound exceptionally immature .

I'm also speechless that you are asking this question. Surely you should know the answer to this yourself?

I've seen some bonkers threads on here but this is up with the top ones of stupidness.

IfYouPutASausageInItItsNotAViennetta · 24/06/2025 09:25

This is why I'm so terrified about the prospect of world over-population.

If we should ever reach the unthinkable point where there are more than 365 of us alive on this planet, that will unleash the horror of at least two people being forced to share the same birthday.

wordywitch · 24/06/2025 09:25

Gosh I wish this was the most pressing thing I had to worry about, what a lot of high school drama. P sounds like an insufferable loon.

DrinkFeckArseBrick · 24/06/2025 09:25

Is this seriously even a question OP? W clearly has some sort of increased risk for pregnancy and unless she is mega rich, the NHS have given her a date for induction, which they have available and will maximise the chances of having a healthy baby.

Anyone who expects W to say 'no thanks, can I potentially endanger my baby and wait a few days so I can attend a birthday event for a friend even though I'll be extremely pregnant and stressed, as otherwise she will get upset' has absolutely lost the plot. She should be ashamed of herself to be honest, even my primary school kids understand when someone can't attend their birthday party because of a prior commitment

notvsure · 24/06/2025 09:24

Bunnycat101 · 24/06/2025 09:14

I think you and P need to grow the hell up. Induction is no picnic and being induced early suggests there is a problem. Support your friend instead of bitching about birthdays and who is more important.

As an aside, there is a good chance she won’t give birth on that day. My daughter came 3 days after my early induction and it was a difficult and challenging birth. I don’t think I’d ever speak to anyone again who started moaning about the date of my induction.

This! I was induced on a Friday…gave birth on a Sunday!
induction isn’t something W is choosing for a fun day out!

Doitrightnow · 24/06/2025 09:24

You say that P said it's the last straw. So is this really about the induction date? Is there a long back story between them that you're not telling us? Because that's the only way I can see that anyone could possibly think P wasn't totally unreasonable.

MageQueen · 24/06/2025 09:24

P is batshit crazy and it's really quite disturbing that you are even questioning that. No one chooses an early induction for shits and giggles. And quite frankly, even if you COULD choose an induction, the last thing I'd be prioritising is ANYONE's birthday, with the possible exception of trying to ensure that my baby wasn't born with the same birthday as its sibling or something.

Swiftie1878 · 24/06/2025 09:23

P is being a horror.
You all need to go rally around W through this tricky time for her.

I had my child 2 days post-induction. P is being ridiculous on so many levels.

Spirallingdownwards · 24/06/2025 09:22

P is.

Also even if W is induced on P's birthday it doesn't mean the boy will arrive then. I was induced on the Saturday and baby arrived early hours Monday.

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