Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Breakdown in friend group - who is right?

461 replies

Tornad · 24/06/2025 09:00

I’m not either of these two people.

P, W and 3 others have been friend since school, almost 30 years. Now all getting married, having children, etc. Don’t live locally to one another but still close and see each other very regularly (almost always as a group or one-on-one - i.e. we would never meet up as a three or a four without everyone being invited).

W has always been high maintenance as a friend. She expects us to be there for her, get birthday presents, attend birthday events, etc. She also gives out the same energy. She will always organise gifts,I’ve heaven and earth to attend special moments and be on the end of the phone. So, she’s not a hypocrite or a taker. She just expects a lot from friendship in general.

P has always been more relaxed. Unreliable, late to things, forgets things, doesn’t respond for months at a time, didn’t hear her phone… but she’s really fun to be around. Witty, cool, energetic. But, since having her own kids, P has also become quite high maintenance. Everything is a drama, the world is ending every couple of weeks, everything revolves around her DS. She’s very “crunchy mum” and makes her opinions known on our parenting and nutrition. I’m hoping this will pass because I wouldn’t befriend her if I met her now.

Anyway. W is pregnant and being induced early. She hasn’t said but I assume this is for medical reasons. They don’t tend to induce early just for fun. The date for the induction is P’s birthday. P is furious about this. She thinks that W has done this on purpose to usurp her birthday. She has vowed to never speak to W again and says that it’s “the final straw”.

My initial thought is that P is being ridiculous but, the more I think about it, W has always made a big deal out of birthdays and now P won’t be W’s focus on her birthday, her DD/DS will be.

Who is right here?

OP posts:
Richiewoo · 24/06/2025 09:58

P is an idiot.

PurpleThistle7 · 24/06/2025 09:57

What a strange thing for a bunch of grownups to have an opinion about. You don’t own an entire day. I’d love to share my birthday with a good friend’s child - how special! But also I wouldn’t think anything of a medical decision that doesn’t affect me at all. What nonsense

sesquipedalian · 24/06/2025 09:56

“My initial thought is that P is being ridiculous but, the more I think about it, W has always made a big deal out of birthdays and now P won’t be W’s focus on her birthday, her DD/DS will be.”

WTAF?? P is being hugely unreasonable. As for “P won’t be W’s focus on her birthday, her DC will be”, statistically as there are five of you in the group, if you have one child each, you have an over 10% chance of overlapping birthdays, and I may be missing something here, but as you get older, any birthday without a 0 on the end is frankly insignificant. Poor old W - it’s bad enough being induced, and induced early at that - it must be tremendously worrying for her - without P’s twattery.

zingally · 24/06/2025 09:56

P is being an idiot.

W I'm certain hasn't chosen that specific day to be inducted - that's not how it works. And I suspect it being P's birthday was the furthest thing from her mind.
As for possibly sharing a birthday with W's new child... So what? P doesn't "own" that date.
I share a birthday with the child of a cousin of mine, who was born on the day of my 21st birthday. I thought it was rather sweet. It also happened that I was the last surname of the family to be born, and finally a new surname arrived just as I entered adulthood.
I don't especially have a relationship with this child (now young adult), as my cousin and I grew up in completely different parts of the country, and he was a generation older than me. First grandchild compared to last. But I've always had a special interest in how he's getting on, and what he's up to. It's nice to share a birthday.

Tornad · 24/06/2025 09:56

ReproachfulOwl · 24/06/2025 09:53

You get that more than one person is commenting on this thread, right? And that we are t some kind of Borg Hive Mind?

I understand that. But someone else explicitly raised in their comment about good traits of W and then you kicked off at my response saying the good traits of W.

If you’re so aggrieved at it being raised, kick off at them for bringing it up!

If you can recognise that there are lots of people on this thread, maybe try to recognise that you’re not the sole arbiter of what’s relevant.

OP posts:
pizzaHeart · 24/06/2025 09:54

lnks · 24/06/2025 09:02

P is extremely unreasonable. W can’t choose exactly which day to be induced.

Edited to add,’I think you are also being unreasonable to even be considering that P is being unfair

Edited

This^ 100% and on both points.

even if in some situations there might be ( just might be) some degree of choosing a day for induction it doesn’t mean it’s always possible.

YourGreyCat · 24/06/2025 09:54

P is being completely self absorbed, if there is ever a time to not prioritize someone's birthday it's being heavily pregnant, im pretty sure you don't get to choose induction dates anyway.

Tornad · 24/06/2025 09:54

JaneEyre40 · 24/06/2025 09:36

If W actually did this....she's a psycho.

Why?

I can see that the votes are 17% on P’s side right now but you’re the first person to comment on P’s side.

OP posts:
Thatsalineallright · 24/06/2025 09:54

JaneEyre40 · 24/06/2025 09:36

If W actually did this....she's a psycho.

Huh? How does having her baby induced make her a psycho?

ReproachfulOwl · 24/06/2025 09:53

Tornad · 24/06/2025 09:28

Then why was I attacked for not bringing up enough of W’s good traits?

Surely I can’t be berated for not doing something and then told it’s irrelevant when I point out I did? 😂

You get that more than one person is commenting on this thread, right? And that we are t some kind of Borg Hive Mind?

FlipFlopShopInHawaii · 24/06/2025 09:53

My niece was born on my birthday, should I stop talking to my sister?
Fucking ridiculous behaviour from P.

lifeonmars100 · 24/06/2025 09:52

P has a mental age of around 6

mythbuster88 · 24/06/2025 09:52

It sounds like P is having a breakdown because her reaction is ridiculous. Also, just because W is going in for her induction on a particular day does not mean the baby will be delivered on that same day.
I think your group are too old to be creating these sort of problems, if you can even call it that.

skyeisthelimit · 24/06/2025 09:49

P is being ridiculous. I hope that you and the rest of your group back W. P can walk away from it and leave the rest of you to it.

Notonthestairs · 24/06/2025 09:49

Fucks sakes, how can you have any time for this nonsense?

wandererofthekingdom · 24/06/2025 09:48

As many others have said you can't pick your induction date it is what it is.
P is a dick.

Dodeedoo · 24/06/2025 09:48

This is pathetic

thepariscrimefiles · 24/06/2025 09:46

Obviously 'P' is being unreasonable and a total twat. Hospitals don't induce labour for no reason and the date of the induction will have been a medical decision based on the risks to the baby and mother of continuing with the pregnant v early delivery and availability of staff etc.

AnAlpacaForChristmasPleaseSanta · 24/06/2025 09:44

P cannot be old enough to be getting married or having babies as they seem to only be 12 years old.

MoistVonL · 24/06/2025 09:44

“You’re completely right, P - there I was worrying about the health of my unborn child who needs to be delivered early for medical reasons, when I should have been prioritising the birthday of a flaky unreliable friend.”

P is a bloody nutcase.

nam3c4ang3 · 24/06/2025 09:40

P is a massive twat - why would you remain friends with someone who seems so childish!

Oldglasses · 24/06/2025 09:40

P is being ridiculous. I had my first DC just before two very good friends' 30ths - I literally came out of hospital the day of the first friend's party and obviously didn't go. I had a c/s and couldn't even walk properly upright let alone attend a party with baby in tow (who was on prophylatic medication).
I was hoping to go to the 2nd friend's party a couple of weeks later, but DC wasn't a settled baby so there was no way! If it was my second baby I probably would've got away with going for an hour with him in tow.
Neither friend held it against me and over 20 years later we are still very good friends.
W is entitled to feel a bit disappointed, I was a bit disappointed that the parties had come so close to giving birth, but that's life. A friend of mine couldn't come to my 40th as she was also in the same position - very heavily pregnant and lived abroad.

HomoHeinekenensis · 24/06/2025 09:39

This thread is like stepping into a parallel universe.

You all need to open a big expensive bottle of something and toast that this is the biggest and most worrisome thing in your lives.

LoudSnoringDog · 24/06/2025 09:38

This is pathetic

SJM1988 · 24/06/2025 09:37

P is unreasonable.

You cant pick your induction date and just because it is planned for that date, doesn't mean her DS/DD will be born that day. Delays happen and not all women will give birth the same day they are induced.

Swipe left for the next trending thread