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Breakdown in friend group - who is right?

461 replies

Tornad · 24/06/2025 09:00

I’m not either of these two people.

P, W and 3 others have been friend since school, almost 30 years. Now all getting married, having children, etc. Don’t live locally to one another but still close and see each other very regularly (almost always as a group or one-on-one - i.e. we would never meet up as a three or a four without everyone being invited).

W has always been high maintenance as a friend. She expects us to be there for her, get birthday presents, attend birthday events, etc. She also gives out the same energy. She will always organise gifts,I’ve heaven and earth to attend special moments and be on the end of the phone. So, she’s not a hypocrite or a taker. She just expects a lot from friendship in general.

P has always been more relaxed. Unreliable, late to things, forgets things, doesn’t respond for months at a time, didn’t hear her phone… but she’s really fun to be around. Witty, cool, energetic. But, since having her own kids, P has also become quite high maintenance. Everything is a drama, the world is ending every couple of weeks, everything revolves around her DS. She’s very “crunchy mum” and makes her opinions known on our parenting and nutrition. I’m hoping this will pass because I wouldn’t befriend her if I met her now.

Anyway. W is pregnant and being induced early. She hasn’t said but I assume this is for medical reasons. They don’t tend to induce early just for fun. The date for the induction is P’s birthday. P is furious about this. She thinks that W has done this on purpose to usurp her birthday. She has vowed to never speak to W again and says that it’s “the final straw”.

My initial thought is that P is being ridiculous but, the more I think about it, W has always made a big deal out of birthdays and now P won’t be W’s focus on her birthday, her DD/DS will be.

Who is right here?

OP posts:
IsawwhatIsaw · 24/06/2025 11:19

None of this sounds very adult. A friend would be concerned for the safety and wellbeing of another friend, not her own entertainment

Manxexile · 24/06/2025 11:18

didntlikeanyofthesuggestions · 24/06/2025 09:05

Grow up, all of you.

This ^

Hellohelga · 24/06/2025 11:15

You don’t get to choose when you are induced or even if you are induced. It’s based on best interests of mum and baby. Hope it goes well for your friend. They’ll the other one to grow up.

TwinklySquid · 24/06/2025 11:13

Do adults actually behave this way? P sounds a nightmare.

spindrift2025 · 24/06/2025 11:12

AmyDudley · 24/06/2025 11:08

You want to be friends with someone who thinks the safety of a baby should be compromised for her birthday.? I would tell her how utterly selfish and self absorbed she is being, and then I'd probably dump her because I wouldn't want someone that unpleasant in my life.

And what the hell is a crunchy mum ? Is it code for arsehole ?

Excellent perspective.

GFBurger · 24/06/2025 11:12

P is a twat. Tell her and also tell her not to bother contacting W or you again. Turns out she isn’t a real friend after all. Thank goodness you found out now.

My daughter’s due date was on the day between two close friends’ birthdays. They were both very excited to potentially share the birthday.

irregularegular · 24/06/2025 11:09

You're right. P is being absolutely ridiculous. I'm sure W has a lot more things to worry about in setting her induction date than P's birthday!

AmyDudley · 24/06/2025 11:08

You want to be friends with someone who thinks the safety of a baby should be compromised for her birthday.? I would tell her how utterly selfish and self absorbed she is being, and then I'd probably dump her because I wouldn't want someone that unpleasant in my life.

And what the hell is a crunchy mum ? Is it code for arsehole ?

CreationNat1on · 24/06/2025 11:08

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spindrift2025 · 24/06/2025 11:08

Please look at the wider picture. There is always something going on in other people's lives over which they have little or no control. Tell P to look at the wider picture to have a more 360 mature view.

EvangelicalAboutButteredToast · 24/06/2025 11:07

I have personal experience of shit like this and P is completely toxic.

Bestfootforward11 · 24/06/2025 11:02

P is completely mad. You can’t say to a hospital, sorry I can’t be induced on x day as it’s my friend’s birthday. But I could fit you in the next day? Utterly bonkers. You are all adults and we are talking about having a baby here. I was induced and it was tough (took 3 days). W needs support not some hissy fit about the birthday of a grown woman. Sorry if I sound harsh but this nonsense shouldn’t be tolerated for its potentially negative impact on W. What should hopefully be a celebratory occasion for her after a potentially tough induction, is then marred by a dark cloud of bad feeling from P for no good reason.

LadyLucyWells · 24/06/2025 10:59

P is wrong, obviously. Quite possibly the most self centered thing I have ever heard!

Grumpycat6 · 24/06/2025 10:55

You don't get a choice when you have a c section

BankHolidayMonday · 24/06/2025 10:49

P won’t be W’s focus on her birthday

the fuck?!

Even an 8yo doesn't expect to be the focus of anyone other than their parents.
Is P having a nervous breakdown, or has bad PND or anything?

Mauvehoodie · 24/06/2025 10:49

P is being really ridiculous. Has her relaxed attitude gone since she had DC? It actually sounds worrying.

Also, NHS says for inductions "If this is your first baby, the average time from admission to birth is 25 hours. ". She won't be induced at midnight on the day so I think it's really likely baby will be born the next day anyway. But that sort of reassurance might feed into the unreasonable behaviour. Has she voiced anything to W yet or just you?

Jeschara · 24/06/2025 10:49

Are we talking about adults here? I have never heard anything so stupid and immature.
P needs to grow up and stop acting like a Prima Donna. I can't believe adults behave like this.

Willyoujustbequiet · 24/06/2025 10:48

FortyElephants · 24/06/2025 09:03

P is being a total twat.

This.

And you're massively unreasonable OP if even a small part of you thinks P has a point.

Beyond childish.

Tornad · 24/06/2025 10:47

pikkumyy77 · 24/06/2025 10:34

Actually her point is kind of good. For the purposes if whether P is reasonable or not you don’t need to know who is generally naughty or nice. Maybe P presents it that way, but its not true. Each birthday going forward is not tit for tat for all P’s previous efforts (if any as she was the more self absorbed if the group). The group activities were’nt money in the bank that P put in (and W didn’t) that P is entitled to withdraw on demand.

W cannot choose when to have her induction and over time P’s birthday will be encroached on by any number of random events. The Universe may conspire and prevent people from celebrating on the day for many reasons. P just has to get her head around that.

I don’t disagree with that. I disagree with her deciding to take issue with me saying W’s good traits in response to someone directly commenting on W’s good traits.

They aren’t queen of the thread and don’t get to decide other people aren’t allowed to say things they decide aren’t relevant.

OP posts:
Outrageistheopiateofthemasses · 24/06/2025 10:47

W is right, can't help needing early induction and can't control the date she is offered.

P is being a bit of a child

IHopeYouStepOnALegPiece · 24/06/2025 10:46

Tornad · 24/06/2025 10:34

Find it then. Otherwise take your troll hunting bollocks elsewhere.

😂😂

Im not sure there's only one problem person in the friendship group!

Dymaxion · 24/06/2025 10:43

God can you imagine saying to your consultant, 'oh I can't be induced on that day because my friend will go off in a huff as its her birthday on that day' ?

Lyocell · 24/06/2025 10:43

Fucking hell, this is pathetic. P is absolutely batshit and should be ashamed of herself.

IberianBlackout · 24/06/2025 10:42

I’m going to assume P is for Psycho because what on earth is that behaviour

TealQueen · 24/06/2025 10:39

Everyone is going mad here.
Please everyone, get a grip.

The lady being induced and her babies health and safe delivery gets top priority.

Everyone else calm down and be more supportive to your friend being induced. That's no picnic.

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