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Breakdown in friend group - who is right?

461 replies

Tornad · 24/06/2025 09:00

I’m not either of these two people.

P, W and 3 others have been friend since school, almost 30 years. Now all getting married, having children, etc. Don’t live locally to one another but still close and see each other very regularly (almost always as a group or one-on-one - i.e. we would never meet up as a three or a four without everyone being invited).

W has always been high maintenance as a friend. She expects us to be there for her, get birthday presents, attend birthday events, etc. She also gives out the same energy. She will always organise gifts,I’ve heaven and earth to attend special moments and be on the end of the phone. So, she’s not a hypocrite or a taker. She just expects a lot from friendship in general.

P has always been more relaxed. Unreliable, late to things, forgets things, doesn’t respond for months at a time, didn’t hear her phone… but she’s really fun to be around. Witty, cool, energetic. But, since having her own kids, P has also become quite high maintenance. Everything is a drama, the world is ending every couple of weeks, everything revolves around her DS. She’s very “crunchy mum” and makes her opinions known on our parenting and nutrition. I’m hoping this will pass because I wouldn’t befriend her if I met her now.

Anyway. W is pregnant and being induced early. She hasn’t said but I assume this is for medical reasons. They don’t tend to induce early just for fun. The date for the induction is P’s birthday. P is furious about this. She thinks that W has done this on purpose to usurp her birthday. She has vowed to never speak to W again and says that it’s “the final straw”.

My initial thought is that P is being ridiculous but, the more I think about it, W has always made a big deal out of birthdays and now P won’t be W’s focus on her birthday, her DD/DS will be.

Who is right here?

OP posts:
Tornad · 24/06/2025 11:45

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

What is wrong with you? Instead of aggressively losing your shit, take five seconds to explain what you think I’ve done remotely wrong

OP posts:
Daisydaresyoutoo · 24/06/2025 11:42

P sounds ridiculous and needs to grow up.
I feel sorry for W in this situation, she cannot choose the date

LoyalMember · 24/06/2025 11:42

I would unfriend and cut P out of my life. What a loathsome, entitled, unfeeling witch. I'm struggling to even try to fathom out how an adult, and a mother herself, could even imagine somebody is doing this to spite her.

Ovenfood666 · 24/06/2025 11:41

This is absolutely insane.

Fernticket · 24/06/2025 11:36

You all need to grow up!

Itallcomesdowntothis · 24/06/2025 11:34

YellowGrey · 24/06/2025 09:02

P is massively in the wrong! You don't get offered a choice of induction dates.

Totally. Anyone who has had any interaction with the NHS eill clearly know you don’t just go onto a website and select the appointment that’s convenient for you.

Plus being induced can still sometimes take hours so may not be the exact day (but yeah she can’t go to a party 😂)

Jellybott · 24/06/2025 11:33

You know, you don't have to be friends with either of these people.

AlexisP90 · 24/06/2025 11:33

lnks · 24/06/2025 09:02

P is extremely unreasonable. W can’t choose exactly which day to be induced.

Edited to add,’I think you are also being unreasonable to even be considering that P is being unfair

Edited

This.
I was induced early. You don't get a fucking calendar out and get to select when. Oh sorry can't do that day. It's Ps birthday...

It's also pretty stressful/scary/worrying. W doesn't need this shit right now.

Utterly ridiculous. Absolutely wild. P is a CF.

BankHolidayMonday · 24/06/2025 11:32

It's not even anything to do with the induction.

Expecting that your birthday must be the priority in a random friend's life is not normal. Already childish if it was your own partner, but some friend? Absolute fruitcake.

And unlike most posters, I am VERY big on birthdays, especially mine, and I don't believe in "special birthdays". Every birthday is special 😂

comeandhaveteawithme · 24/06/2025 11:31

P is an absolute dickhead.

What a weird way for an adult to behave.

inamarina · 24/06/2025 11:30

P is absolutely ridiculous.

MojitosAllRound · 24/06/2025 11:29

Sounds like you have all grown apart and the dynamic no longer works. Doesn't matter who is right or wrong, you are no longer in the playground.

EineReiseDurchDieZeit · 24/06/2025 11:28

P is unhinged

PreetyinPurple · 24/06/2025 11:28

I was induced one day and DD didn’t come until the next day, it can take a while!
but bat shit behaviour.

ISpyNoPlumPie · 24/06/2025 11:28

Every version of P is awful.

Eldermileniummam · 24/06/2025 11:27

P is in the wrong.

I expect W couldn't have picked any date and even if it were between a couple of dates it would have been the same week and P may still have been annoyed celebrations would be on the same weekend.

Hankunamatata · 24/06/2025 11:27

If your all such close friends then isn't it a bit strange that dhe hasn't mentioned why she is being induced?

MILsAreHumanToo · 24/06/2025 11:27

For any grown-up emotionally-mature adult to even think this is an issue, I would advise them to take a good look at themselves and to give their head a wobble. In this scenario, the only thing that matters is the safe delivery of a brand new human being, regardless of the date. Nobody's birthday is unique or special - several thousand and more will be 'using' the same date.

MarioLink · 24/06/2025 11:25

I would support W here and tell P she is being horrible to a friend at a vulnerable time and that she is risking falling out with all of you over her selfish nastiness.

laurini · 24/06/2025 11:25

P is an idiot

SnipThoseApronStrings · 24/06/2025 11:25

P is being unreasonable

It doesn’t matter why W is being induced early. Sharing a birthday with your friend’s child should not be upsetting.

When she says “it’s the last straw” it makes me think even P is otherwise thinking friendship has become incompatible.

paradisecircus · 24/06/2025 11:25

If the induction isn't on P's birthday it'll probably be the next day, which could still overshadow the special occasion.

HideousKinky · 24/06/2025 11:24

My initial thought is that P is being ridiculous

Stay with that thought

Lilactimes · 24/06/2025 11:20

Tornad · 24/06/2025 10:34

Find it then. Otherwise take your troll hunting bollocks elsewhere.

It seems to me like your friendship group is a little bit stuck in high school and isn’t maturing with the highs and lows and important events of life 😅
These events become even more intense as you get older - awful health scares and grief to navigate. Friendship groups that survive bend and flex a bit.
Maybe the other 3 - let’s call them X, Y and Z are already forging a more mature splinter group 😂

Bubblebubblepoppop · 24/06/2025 11:19

I love the friendship problem threads on here. Makes me realise how many batshit people there are in the world!

Literally if this happened in my group there'd be a comment of 'oh cool we might have the same birthdays!' and then move on.

Also, an induction date doesn't necessarily mean that will be the birth date.