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Breakdown in friend group - who is right?

461 replies

Tornad · 24/06/2025 09:00

I’m not either of these two people.

P, W and 3 others have been friend since school, almost 30 years. Now all getting married, having children, etc. Don’t live locally to one another but still close and see each other very regularly (almost always as a group or one-on-one - i.e. we would never meet up as a three or a four without everyone being invited).

W has always been high maintenance as a friend. She expects us to be there for her, get birthday presents, attend birthday events, etc. She also gives out the same energy. She will always organise gifts,I’ve heaven and earth to attend special moments and be on the end of the phone. So, she’s not a hypocrite or a taker. She just expects a lot from friendship in general.

P has always been more relaxed. Unreliable, late to things, forgets things, doesn’t respond for months at a time, didn’t hear her phone… but she’s really fun to be around. Witty, cool, energetic. But, since having her own kids, P has also become quite high maintenance. Everything is a drama, the world is ending every couple of weeks, everything revolves around her DS. She’s very “crunchy mum” and makes her opinions known on our parenting and nutrition. I’m hoping this will pass because I wouldn’t befriend her if I met her now.

Anyway. W is pregnant and being induced early. She hasn’t said but I assume this is for medical reasons. They don’t tend to induce early just for fun. The date for the induction is P’s birthday. P is furious about this. She thinks that W has done this on purpose to usurp her birthday. She has vowed to never speak to W again and says that it’s “the final straw”.

My initial thought is that P is being ridiculous but, the more I think about it, W has always made a big deal out of birthdays and now P won’t be W’s focus on her birthday, her DD/DS will be.

Who is right here?

OP posts:
BlazenWeights · 24/06/2025 13:00

didntlikeanyofthesuggestions · 24/06/2025 09:05

Grow up, all of you.

Amen!!

FortyElephants · 24/06/2025 13:00

Tornad · 24/06/2025 12:57

Someone commented saying W is a psycho…

One person said IF W had done it on purpose she would be a psycho

ReproachfulOwl · 24/06/2025 12:59

helphelpimbeingrepressed · 24/06/2025 12:54

I am ashamed to confess that I behaved very like P when my brother was born on my birthday but I was 7 and my party had to be cancelled as my mum and DB were in hospital for ages.

Seven year olds get a free pass for throwing tantrums about their birthdays. People old enough to have been friends for 39 years, not so much.

Livpool · 24/06/2025 12:58

P sounds like a pain in the arse!

sideeyes · 24/06/2025 12:57

Not rtft but an induction date is given, you can’t select one. Also let’s be honest she’ll start the induction process on that day but then be sat around waiting to go to the labour ward for agggeeeesss before labouring for hpuuuurrrs. It’s very unlikely she’ll deliver on that same day so the other friend will be fine. But it’s a mad reaction. Your friends sound terrifying

Tornad · 24/06/2025 12:57

FortyElephants · 24/06/2025 12:32

It's not clear from your OP what the votes actually stand for. Nobody thinks P is normal.

Someone commented saying W is a psycho…

OP posts:
helphelpimbeingrepressed · 24/06/2025 12:54

I am ashamed to confess that I behaved very like P when my brother was born on my birthday but I was 7 and my party had to be cancelled as my mum and DB were in hospital for ages.

Duckswaddle · 24/06/2025 12:47

As a group of grown up women you all sound remarkably immature. This is life, stuff happens. Get on with it.

TorroFerney · 24/06/2025 12:43

Tornad · 24/06/2025 11:45

What is wrong with you? Instead of aggressively losing your shit, take five seconds to explain what you think I’ve done remotely wrong

Asking who is unreasonable I think is what some people are taking umbrage at, rather than saying this is my friend this is what has happened she is a very strange woman. The fact that you are asking who is right or wrong is the issue, because it can only be one answer. It is making people question your sanity I think because it is so obvious who is wrong.

TorroFerney · 24/06/2025 12:41

BankHolidayMonday · 24/06/2025 10:49

P won’t be W’s focus on her birthday

the fuck?!

Even an 8yo doesn't expect to be the focus of anyone other than their parents.
Is P having a nervous breakdown, or has bad PND or anything?

I was thinking of those letters but more NPD!

DoraDont · 24/06/2025 12:39

One of my friends gave birth to her son on my daughter's birthday, I thought that was lovely.

My sister-in-law gave birth (somewhat traumatically) on her own birthday, it was not a fun day for her, but she loves sharing a birthday with her son.

P is behaving like an immature twat, with a chronic case of main character syndrome.

Chungai · 24/06/2025 12:33

Looking at this from another angle, I wonder if P is very depressed and thinks no one cares about her. And all her upset about this is coming out in the wrong place.

It is hard being a "crunchy" mum if that's the route she's taking - often seems to involve sacrificing yourself for your child, And lots of potential self-judgment as well as judgement of others for not being crunchy enough.

Or she could just have lost the plot.

FortyElephants · 24/06/2025 12:32

Tornad · 24/06/2025 09:54

Why?

I can see that the votes are 17% on P’s side right now but you’re the first person to comment on P’s side.

It's not clear from your OP what the votes actually stand for. Nobody thinks P is normal.

Whattodo1610 · 24/06/2025 12:32

Itsjustmonkeyssingingsongsmate · 24/06/2025 12:26

But most reasonable adults would agree either way that the safe birth of a baby takes huge priority over the date of that birth.

That goes without saying, but that wasn’t the point I was making here.

joliefolle · 24/06/2025 12:32

@Tornad What did P say in response when you pointed out all the reasons she was being unreasonable?

TimeForABreak4 · 24/06/2025 12:32

This might be possibly one of the most ridiculous threads I've ever read on here. P is absolutely pathetic.

indoorplantqueen · 24/06/2025 12:30

P is ridiculous. Aside from that W might not even have the baby on that day. I’ve had 2 friends recently whose induction dates got moved because there were no beds.

MyMilchick · 24/06/2025 12:27

P is an absolute idiot. Is she really seriously thinking her birthday is more important than W's health and the health of her child?

Not sure what the voting options are but P is 100% the unreasonable one

ArtfulCrow · 24/06/2025 12:26

What the actual F? This can’t be real.

BernardButlersBra · 24/06/2025 12:26

IfYouPutASausageInItItsNotAViennetta · 24/06/2025 09:25

This is why I'm so terrified about the prospect of world over-population.

If we should ever reach the unthinkable point where there are more than 365 of us alive on this planet, that will unleash the horror of at least two people being forced to share the same birthday.

I have 2 close family members who share the same date. They have somehow survived so far 🤷‍♀️

Itsjustmonkeyssingingsongsmate · 24/06/2025 12:26

Whattodo1610 · 24/06/2025 12:23

It’s not very unlikely at all .. it’s very likely. I had 3 inductions and delivered all within 5 hours. Of everyone else I know who have been induced, they’ve also all delivered in the same day 🤷‍♀️

But most reasonable adults would agree either way that the safe birth of a baby takes huge priority over the date of that birth.

BernardButlersBra · 24/06/2025 12:25

P is being ridiculous. I struggle to believe W picked that date, my understanding is the hospital selects the date on clinical need and their capacity

Could another angle to it be P is getting shitty partly as she doesn't believe in inductions?

Whattodo1610 · 24/06/2025 12:24

The ‘grow up’ comments OP, are aimed at you all behaving like immature children in the playground. 😵‍💫🤷‍♀️

P is ridiculous, you don’t get to choose your induction date ffs.

Whattodo1610 · 24/06/2025 12:23

ANiceCuppaTeaandBiscuit · 24/06/2025 11:55

Also just to point out, the day she goes in for the induction is VERY unlikely to be the day she has the baby. Maybe if the hospital is terribly well organised, she gets seen early, she’s already dilated enough to skip the induction and have her waters broken and be put on the drip. Most likely she will go in that morning, wait around half the day, be induced, have her waters broken the next day and have the baby then. I would say likely to not be an issue at all.

It’s not very unlikely at all .. it’s very likely. I had 3 inductions and delivered all within 5 hours. Of everyone else I know who have been induced, they’ve also all delivered in the same day 🤷‍♀️

BankHolidayMonday · 24/06/2025 12:22

Tornad · 24/06/2025 11:51

Imagine thinking a woman needs to “grow up” for… having a baby… being induced… existing? I don’t get your viewpoint at all

getting involved in other people's ridiculous tantrum is why people say you should all grow up.

Who has time for that shit? P refuses to speak to anyone, ok then. Who cares.