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Breakdown in friend group - who is right?

461 replies

Tornad · 24/06/2025 09:00

I’m not either of these two people.

P, W and 3 others have been friend since school, almost 30 years. Now all getting married, having children, etc. Don’t live locally to one another but still close and see each other very regularly (almost always as a group or one-on-one - i.e. we would never meet up as a three or a four without everyone being invited).

W has always been high maintenance as a friend. She expects us to be there for her, get birthday presents, attend birthday events, etc. She also gives out the same energy. She will always organise gifts,I’ve heaven and earth to attend special moments and be on the end of the phone. So, she’s not a hypocrite or a taker. She just expects a lot from friendship in general.

P has always been more relaxed. Unreliable, late to things, forgets things, doesn’t respond for months at a time, didn’t hear her phone… but she’s really fun to be around. Witty, cool, energetic. But, since having her own kids, P has also become quite high maintenance. Everything is a drama, the world is ending every couple of weeks, everything revolves around her DS. She’s very “crunchy mum” and makes her opinions known on our parenting and nutrition. I’m hoping this will pass because I wouldn’t befriend her if I met her now.

Anyway. W is pregnant and being induced early. She hasn’t said but I assume this is for medical reasons. They don’t tend to induce early just for fun. The date for the induction is P’s birthday. P is furious about this. She thinks that W has done this on purpose to usurp her birthday. She has vowed to never speak to W again and says that it’s “the final straw”.

My initial thought is that P is being ridiculous but, the more I think about it, W has always made a big deal out of birthdays and now P won’t be W’s focus on her birthday, her DD/DS will be.

Who is right here?

OP posts:
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Whattodo1610 · 26/06/2025 13:50

@Wildefish everyone has said this for 2 days now, but OP is still looking for validation/drama .. who knows 🤷‍♀️

Wildefish · 26/06/2025 13:40

Tornad · 24/06/2025 09:00

I’m not either of these two people.

P, W and 3 others have been friend since school, almost 30 years. Now all getting married, having children, etc. Don’t live locally to one another but still close and see each other very regularly (almost always as a group or one-on-one - i.e. we would never meet up as a three or a four without everyone being invited).

W has always been high maintenance as a friend. She expects us to be there for her, get birthday presents, attend birthday events, etc. She also gives out the same energy. She will always organise gifts,I’ve heaven and earth to attend special moments and be on the end of the phone. So, she’s not a hypocrite or a taker. She just expects a lot from friendship in general.

P has always been more relaxed. Unreliable, late to things, forgets things, doesn’t respond for months at a time, didn’t hear her phone… but she’s really fun to be around. Witty, cool, energetic. But, since having her own kids, P has also become quite high maintenance. Everything is a drama, the world is ending every couple of weeks, everything revolves around her DS. She’s very “crunchy mum” and makes her opinions known on our parenting and nutrition. I’m hoping this will pass because I wouldn’t befriend her if I met her now.

Anyway. W is pregnant and being induced early. She hasn’t said but I assume this is for medical reasons. They don’t tend to induce early just for fun. The date for the induction is P’s birthday. P is furious about this. She thinks that W has done this on purpose to usurp her birthday. She has vowed to never speak to W again and says that it’s “the final straw”.

My initial thought is that P is being ridiculous but, the more I think about it, W has always made a big deal out of birthdays and now P won’t be W’s focus on her birthday, her DD/DS will be.

Who is right here?

P has list her mind in my opinion.

Whattodo1610 · 26/06/2025 13:35

Rhaenys · 26/06/2025 09:18

You are in the minority though. Obviously I don’t know the exact circumstances of your birth, but with the induction taking place before the due date and also being a first time mum, the odds are not in your favour for delivering the same day, and like I said before, they may not even be able to start the induction on the scheduled day.

I’m definitely not in the minority here. 1st induction 2 weeks early, literally 5 hours from beginning to end - only 2.5 hours of dilating to birthing. I realise my own personal experience is maybe unusually quick, but everyone else I know, all but 2 have given birth the same day as being induced 🤷‍♀️

Rhaenys · 26/06/2025 10:28

Vroomfondleswaistcoat · 26/06/2025 10:09

Yep, two of mine were induced births. The first (my first baby) took nearly 24 hours from start of induction to actual birth. The second (my third baby) took around six hours, but she was nearly three weeks overdue. In between I had a baby born without induction in about two hours from start of labour.

These things cannot be predicted.

If you’re induced before your due date, it means your cervix is much less likely to be dilated at all, so they can’t skip any steps, and you’ll have to start right from the beginning. It’s why they’re reluctant to give out sweeps before your due date.

Vroomfondleswaistcoat · 26/06/2025 10:09

Rhaenys · 26/06/2025 09:18

You are in the minority though. Obviously I don’t know the exact circumstances of your birth, but with the induction taking place before the due date and also being a first time mum, the odds are not in your favour for delivering the same day, and like I said before, they may not even be able to start the induction on the scheduled day.

Yep, two of mine were induced births. The first (my first baby) took nearly 24 hours from start of induction to actual birth. The second (my third baby) took around six hours, but she was nearly three weeks overdue. In between I had a baby born without induction in about two hours from start of labour.

These things cannot be predicted.

Rhaenys · 26/06/2025 09:18

Whattodo1610 · 26/06/2025 08:57

Definitely not in the minority. My first was 5 hours from being induced to being born. My last was 20 minutes 😂😂 I realise that’s very quick, and consider myself very lucky tbh. But in my friends circle/baby toddler groups etc, most delivered on their induction date.

You are in the minority though. Obviously I don’t know the exact circumstances of your birth, but with the induction taking place before the due date and also being a first time mum, the odds are not in your favour for delivering the same day, and like I said before, they may not even be able to start the induction on the scheduled day.

Whattodo1610 · 26/06/2025 08:57

Rhaenys · 26/06/2025 05:38

You’re surely in the minority though? Especially the first time. I mean it’s not even a foregone conclusion that they’ll even start the induction on the day it’s scheduled if they’ve got no space on the ward. The OP says they don’t know don’t the reason, but it’s obviously not serious as they’d be offering an elective caesarean. It’s probably for something like suspected big baby, and if so they won’t be in a massive rush to get things going.

Definitely not in the minority. My first was 5 hours from being induced to being born. My last was 20 minutes 😂😂 I realise that’s very quick, and consider myself very lucky tbh. But in my friends circle/baby toddler groups etc, most delivered on their induction date.

Zanatdy · 26/06/2025 05:48

Wow they are being ridiculous. I would be cutting ties with her if I was your friend.

Rhaenys · 26/06/2025 05:38

Whattodo1610 · 25/06/2025 22:58

I did 3 times. Many people deliver on their induction date.

You’re surely in the minority though? Especially the first time. I mean it’s not even a foregone conclusion that they’ll even start the induction on the day it’s scheduled if they’ve got no space on the ward. The OP says they don’t know don’t the reason, but it’s obviously not serious as they’d be offering an elective caesarean. It’s probably for something like suspected big baby, and if so they won’t be in a massive rush to get things going.

nightvisiting · 26/06/2025 00:14

My sister-in-law was induced on my birthday. Of course this means that everyone is going to focus on the birthday of a child more than my birthday on the day. I think P is wrong. My thought process went like this:

Obviously the well being of the baby comes first and of course sisIL isn't going to wait to give birth for a different date if it's in the best interests, or safety, of the baby. If the baby needs to be born, it needs to be born. I am a grown up, of course the child's birthday will come first, I can celebrate another day around the same time.

I really can't see why it's a big deal to share a birth date.

I get that some people do think like P, because a couple of family members made snarky comments about just having to choose the same date. I just told them that she might not have had a choice and if baby needed to be born, baby needed to be born.

Fleetbug · 26/06/2025 00:02

Maybe P should ask all her friends and relatives to give up sex for a few weeks, 9 months before every birthday. Or this absolute social disaster could happen again!
You could get special reminder cards printed for everyone to put up above the bed- a thoughtful gift. No sex this month guys- it’s P’s birthday in 9 months!
To be on the safe side this new rule should apply to all the friends/relatives in your social group-otherwise P is getting preferential treatment. So just list everyone’s birthdays, go back 9 months, then no sex that month for everyone.

Bad luck if you cover all 12 months- you’ll all have to abstain forever!! But it’s worth it for birthday peace of mind isn’t it! Birthday bliss…just no actual birth days.

Fleetbug · 26/06/2025 00:02

Maybe P should ask all her friends and relatives to give up sex for a few weeks, 9 months before every birthday. Or this absolute social disaster could happen again!
You could get special reminder cards printed for everyone to put up above the bed- a thoughtful gift. No sex this month guys- it’s P’s birthday in 9 months!
To be on the safe side this new rule should apply to all the friends/relatives in your social group-otherwise P is getting preferential treatment. So just list everyone’s birthdays, go back 9 months, then no sex that month for everyone.

Bad luck if you cover all 12 months- you’ll all have to abstain forever!! But it’s worth it for birthday peace of mind isn’t it! Birthday bliss…just no actual birth days.

Whattodo1610 · 25/06/2025 22:59

Tornad · 25/06/2025 17:37

And what are you still here for?

Just to see your continuing idiocy 🤷‍♀️

Whattodo1610 · 25/06/2025 22:58

Rhaenys · 25/06/2025 18:50

Realistically W isn’t going to give birth on the day the induction is scheduled.

I did 3 times. Many people deliver on their induction date.

rainbow9713 · 25/06/2025 22:55

You can't choose induction dates..... i have been induced twice. Funnily enough my oldest I was induced on her nans (dad's moms) birthday.... she arrived 1:46am 🤣🤣 so doesnt actually share her birthday with her nan.
My youngest went in on 2nd to be induced, she was born 8pm on the 3rd 🤷‍♀️
P is being ridiculous, and yes you can't just have an induction for fun.
I am always induced and will never go full term due to my very first born not surviving labour and pre eclampsia with my oldest living child

dcthatsme · 25/06/2025 21:01

Is this a joke question? Perhaps you are a writer running an implausible plot past mumsnetters. I can’t believe someone would behave like this unless they are a toddler.

Pomvit · 25/06/2025 20:38

P need to grow TF up and it’s unlikely that’s you’ll be induced and give birth on same day

plus it’s dictated by the hospital what she expecting her to do delay it and put baby at risk just so she doesn’t have to share birthday - self absorbed I could t have held my thoughts in

Birdied · 25/06/2025 20:26

This has to be a wind-up.

Scampilicous · 25/06/2025 20:22

You all sound ridiculous tbh

Louisiannadaisy · 25/06/2025 20:21

how many weeks early is she delivering. If it’s 37 weeks no danger to baby. If it’s before 37 weeks then it’s more serious.

ZanyOP · 25/06/2025 19:49

W is unlikely to have been given a choice about it. If doctors suggesting she is induced then they usually do so for safety of baby. Pushing back for a friends birthday doesn’t seem a good reason

unlikely W will give birth in date she is induced. It took me almost 48 hours with my first induction.

priorities change after children and unlikely W will be the same person anyway.

supersop60 · 25/06/2025 19:18

Tornad · 24/06/2025 09:54

Why?

I can see that the votes are 17% on P’s side right now but you’re the first person to comment on P’s side.

No, the sentence was IF W did this deliberately, then she's a psycho. Obviously she didn't.
*hurries back to read rest of thread

AutumnLeaves91 · 25/06/2025 19:14

You cannot be serious? If this is real, W is being induced! Even if it was for non-medical reasons or could be changed, that’s a bigger fish to fry than a birthday

GintyM · 25/06/2025 19:10

P is being ridiculous. W isn’t scheduling a brunch—she’s being induced, likely for medical reasons. P making someone else’s labour about her birthday is peak self-centred drama. W might be a lot, but this isn’t that. Let’s save the meltdowns for actual betrayals, not shared birth dates.

Rhaenys · 25/06/2025 18:50

Realistically W isn’t going to give birth on the day the induction is scheduled.

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