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AIBU?

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to feel like I’m picking between children over relationship with DH

38 replies

Ihatebeingme0 · 24/06/2025 07:26

I’ll start by saying this isn’t the first thread about all of this before anyone jumps on me but taking all the other drama out of the equation please can I ask what you would do if :

You had broken up with ExH for a year and during that time he had lived in a flat share that wasn’t suitable for the children to visit so he’s been staying at the home 3 nights per week whilst I stay with my mother

DS 15 absolutely heartbroken and desperate for ExH to come home

Hasn’t coped at all and says he will move in with his dad as soon as he can / will never accept a new person in my life etc

DD 13 ASD and very awkward relationship with ExH due to them being very similar
Little conversation between them as neither can initiate it as DD sees DS as being his favourite as they share lots of hobbies - in reality it isn’t that, it’s because their special interests are the same thing

Doesn’t want him to come home - says 3 evenings a week is too much already and she shouldn’t have to feel uncomfortable in her own home

Please help

OP posts:
TheGrimSqueakersFlea · 24/06/2025 07:45

Your ex staying 3 nights a week isn't helping, it's just messing up your children. He needs to find somewhere else to stay. Sometimes what's best for the children isn't fair for the adults but that's just how it is.

myplace · 24/06/2025 07:39

Help your son manage his feelings. He doesn’t have to accept a new partner- you certainly shouldn’t be moving anyone in until the dc have left home, anyway.

DisforDarkChocolate · 24/06/2025 07:39

Stop your ex staying at your home, he's using those three days to fuck up your children.

Secretsquirels · 24/06/2025 07:38

In reality a 13 and 15 year old aren’t qualified to make decisions about your relationship so take all of those feelings out of the equation.

You need to think about whether in 10 years, when your kids are no longer dependent, you want to be with exdh or not. If the answer is not then stay split up and gently explain to the kids that you’re not getting back together. I’d also put a time limit on ex using your home, as I think that is confusing the issue.

Looking at the children’s feelings I would try and help ds speak to his dad about wanting some overnights and how exdh could manage that; and help dd speak to exdh about doing a regular activity together.

Id also, out of respect for ds feelings, keep any dating seperate from the children until they are independent adults.

ToKittyornottoKitty · 24/06/2025 07:36

Take out whatever details you want, you still don’t get back with the ex. Your children need help and support, so end the new relationship that’s now working and focus on them and helping them through this time

Heronwatcher · 24/06/2025 07:34

Your ex needs to get himself a place to live or just see the kids in the day.

Thirdcoff · 24/06/2025 07:32

This reply has been deleted

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Thirdcoff · 24/06/2025 07:31

okydokethen · 24/06/2025 07:30

@Thirdcofffgs read it, she feels shes picking between her children not her children or DH

I deleted

okydokethen · 24/06/2025 07:30

@Thirdcofffgs read it, she feels shes picking between her children not her children or DH

Wallywobbles · 24/06/2025 07:30

Well unless he gets a better option than a flat share how is DS going to live with him? I would say to ex-DH that as of September he needs to have sorted accommodation out that will allow DS to stay over or whatever but the staying stops. Is he skint? Does the house need selling ?
But FGS no new relationships until this sorts itself out.

PersephoneParlormaid · 24/06/2025 07:30

He needs to sort himself out, he’s had long enough.

Thirdcoff · 24/06/2025 07:29

Oh now I’ve read it

tour children can’t force you to live with a man you don’t want to be with

your ex needs to get himself sorted and get a place so he can have his children over

Thirdcoff · 24/06/2025 07:28

Don’t be harangued by your teens to get back with your ex

what about explaining to your teens why you don’t feel that it’s right you and ex are together