36 year old couple… How bad are our finances?

I wouldn’t have a third in your position. Not because of the finances - we are roughly same age, income and savings as you and have three (although we are on our second owned home and didn’t have a third until we got here) but I just think the gap is too big now. Your kids will be at least 10 and 13 when a potential baby is born and I just don’t think that’s fair on them, that’s not what they want or need from you now (even if they say they’d be happy with it, they have absolutely zero idea of the realities of it). I also think it would be awful going back to square one when you’re so far on now. I actually can’t think of anything worse than getting that far along the track and then going all the way back to the beginning (which is why I’ve had a tubal occlusion AND my husband has had a vasectomy, to make sure that definitely doesn’t happen to us 😂). I get the longing for a baby though, I think that’s natural. Doesn’t mean you should do it though!

Are you paying down the credit card debt so it doesn't start accruing interest at the end of the interest free period?

No strong view either way on the third child. I wouldn't have done it once I'd got two past the toddler tantrums phase but we're all different.

Do remember though that if anything goes badly wrong later and you need to claim Universal Credit the two child rule will apply.

Your title simply doesn’t match your qn.

In terms of finances - you haven’t clarified if your Lisa is sufficient as a deposit or if you’d need to double/triple this in order to get on the property ladder. You don’t mention any other savings or safety net - emergency fund, junior isas. You dont mention how long the reduced rent arrangement with the relative can last, or if this is likely to change. You don’t mention what a mortgage rate or home renovation costs will be. You don't mention your or DPs job security, career or salary progression. You don’t mention your pensions or plans for future large expenses - kids uni, rent security deposit, etc.

If your question is - with these finances could we have a third then the answer of course is yes, as people with less manage it. But if your question is really how do we best secure our present family’s future, then you need to address your finances more thoroughly.

You're not well off but you're doing better than a lot of people. I think having a third child would be madness though.

What does your DH want. Personally we stopped at 2 DC as having a third would mean needing to move to a bigger house, bigger car etc. We really struggled with paying high mortgage for a good few years, which made us more careful and I didn’t have my first DC until I was 30 and second at nearly 35.

I’m the youngest of 3 born after quite a long gap (not this big) and born into a family that had gone from being on the up to nosediving financially.

I really can’t complain about the life I had, it’s been good and through a mix of life chances, rich relatives, cultural capital and work I’ve ended up comfortably off. But fuck me we were so cash poor for about twenty years and I did wonder why on earth they had me.

If you really want a third then of course you will probably have one, that’s what people do. But it’s not fun being poor as a kid. It’s not great to shut up about things you want (like a new pencil case or football boots) because you know your parents can’t afford it). So if you’re asking… I’d say two healthy kids is a great family, count your blessings.

I agree with most PP here - having a baby doesn’t seem like a good idea.

I understand the desire to have a third before your fertility window closes but I think that is a common, often hormone/instinct driven feeling. Many of my friends and I went through similar despite knowing we were stopping at two. We just had to ride it out.

You have two children who are just reaching ages where they will be more independent. Do you really want to go all the way back to pregnancy, nappies, sleepless nights etc?

Also the impact on your DCs will be significant. You will be spread much more thinly financially, emotionally and energetically but children in pre-adolescence and adolescence still need lots of support and attention.

Like most PPs, I think you should focus on your two children and providing for them. To bring a baby into the mix now does sound a bit irresponsible.

Focus on the house because otherwise what will you use the LISA for? You can only withdraw it for a house, retirement or if you’re terminally ill.

What are the average house prices like in your area?

My sister and I have a 10 year age gap and I felt indifferent at best about having a baby in the house. I wouldn’t have called that ‘creating love’. This is what I observe in other families with a decade between the children

OP, you’re going to be pulled into two directions: parenting teens and a toddler. Interests are so different for these age groups and it’s not possible to do something that everyone enjoys. So in the end what happens is that the teens are left to their own devices at a young age (11, 12, 13).

So I’d vote yes for a third child but not with that age gap

Who will do the childcare for the baby once mat leave is up? Can you afford to downsize you income to afford mat pay? Can you afford childcare or will one of you have to stay at home until 3rd child gets 30 hours or goes to school? Will the relative let you stay indefinitely- what would you do if that falls through?

Those would be my immediate questions.

Bit judgey … “standards”?? 🙄

I didn’t do “extra-curriculars” when I was younger. It wasn’t a thing in my working class family. But I was allowed to play, use my imagination, hang out with different generations (my best friend for a year was an octogenarian lady next door)

You may say my mum had “low standards”. I say I was loved, cared for and I’ve done well in life as a result.

Your suggestion that not giving kids extra-curriculars is low standards, is just laughable really.

Love, respect, good social modelling, space to play and use imagination none of which cost money….

Lots of activities, museums, art galleries, nature parks, libraries that don’t cost money either.

Up to you but with a 12 and 9 year old having another baby be daft imho. The grandchildren will come along one day so why not plan to give your existing family stability instead. Put efforts into getting that forever home.

I'm not going to comment on the finances. As someone who grew up being the much older sibling I would like to stress the impact on your existing children of having a baby. It impacts everything. I had 2 younger siblings and then the marriage broke up. I wasn't allowed friends over, we didn't have holidays, I ended up sharing a room and dealing with crying babies / toddlers in the night. I felt quite resentful as a lot of my childhood toys and books were passed down without consultation. I was used all the time for free childcare. Given a lot of chores to help out. Treated like another adult, always running errands to the shop. The only days out and activities we did centred around the little ones. I wanted to go on bike rides, go to the swimming pool, cinema, camping, etc. It also limited me doing clubs after school and on weekends, both financially but also logistically because I couldn't get lifts as the little ones needed naps or dinner or to go to their friends parties. I felt pretty much pushed out. I spent as much time as I could at friends houses. I couldn't wait to leave to be honest.

What's the goal? If you want to buy a house then you really need to think about boosting your saving pot and clearing the debt. You don't give any further info about rent or bills or location so it's hard to know how much you'd need or how much you could save.

I don't think another child would be a good idea - you've got a huge age gap, older kids coming into the expensive years in terms of tech & clothes plus university or apprenticeships looming on the horizon, nursery is very expensive now (even with funded hours), unless your employer offers a great maternity package, you're taking a hit on your income for at least part of a year which will impact your ability to save for your future.

Maybe see if the 2 child benefits cap is lifted

They can’t “spend their savings” on rent and childcare - it’s in a LISA - it’s for a house deposit or retirement - there are big penalties for withdrawing to spend for other reasons.

I can’t fathom anyone who would have a third child using UC as their financial plan. No wonder the country is in the shit.

We have a combined income of £150k.Mortgage paid off and no car debt.We have worked hard yet haven’t had a holiday in 4 years and saved.We have one child.

Think you need to get your priorities right.Only you know if you can afford it but you have to think further down the line.Schools,University etc.

Personally I would hold off having another until you’ve saved and are in a better living/financial set up..

But lots of people have more than 2 and cope amazingly well. I think its purely your and your DP choice You sound in good financial shape. You'll save more with just 2 kids but if you want a third noone can tell you otherwise. Just remember, itll be a 4 bed houses you need and 2 adults 2 kids plus baby seat = people carrier.

I thought about having another child and then the want disappeared, when I really thought on - 2 are fine with 2 parents, 3 was going to get tricky esp as my DH hated taking the kids to extra curricular activities.

So we stuck with 2.

So glad we did. My DH died leaving me single parent with a 13 and 14yo. I would not have been able to work if I had a 10yo as well.

If you want a property, I wouldn't have another child. I'd use savings to clear your £2,000 debt. Save up more money and look at buying a house. Perhaps it's worth booking a mortgage appointment at your bank, to see if they'd give you one. If not then at least you'll have an idea how much deposit you'll need to have. With a goal in mind you can keep saving while renting from tour relative.

I would not be concerned about finances. I would be concerned at the age gap of your kids. The two older ones will have a tight sibling bond.
But an age gap of 10 years means baby will be coming along when youngest is nearing secondary school.... it's a no from me.

Respectfully, £25k is not ‘tiny’

We didn't. I'd have loved a third but it was a no from DH who was one of three. Childcare is expensive in the early and primary school years but teenagers also aren't cheap if you want them to have the chance to do sports or arts or school trips. And university is very expensive. I'd focus on saving for a house.

Totally this. You may want another child, but your wants must now come second to your children - your responsibility is to them.

I think a lot of it comes down to where you live - in some places 25k for a mortgage would be amazing. In London, you'd not even be half way there.

Almost everyone on this thread is very negative and missing a crucial point: What about the love created by having a third? The potential lifelong love between siblings? I think that's worth more than cold hard cash. Sounds like you know what's at stake and could make it work one way or another