36 year old couple… How bad are our finances?

My sister was born 11 years after me - I have 2 brothers close to my age.

We have no real relationship, I was working when she started school, nothing in common... and the babysitting expectations were part of what made me move 650 miles away.

My sister decided to have a similar age gap with her 4th... for some reason... and ended up with twins. She finds it incredibly hard as she is older, her partner left as he found having 5 kids "all a bit much". (Like she doesn't!?). Their choices have affected their whole family, not in a great way.

If your two older children are the same sex, they can share rooms (but not ideal as teenagers.)

If they are not, they need their own room.

This means that the 'new baby' would need a room of their own, as it's not fair to expect a children of 10 and 13 to share a bedroom with a baby.

So you'd be looking at 4-bed houses. One for you and your H, once each (possibly) for the older children and one for the new baby.

Is that something you have thought about ?

OK but then are 36! If they really want another kid it's naive to assume they can have one later. Most people have to have kids before their finances are perfect - that's biology!

I didn't think your situation sounded too bad...then I saw you had two DC and I thought, well it's not particularly ideal not to own your own home but it could be worse....and then I saw you are considering a third and I thought that sounded ridiculously irresponsible.

If I was your family member who was giving you discounted accommodation to help support you to buy a house, I would not be at all happy that you decided to have another child - and you may well be looking for somewhere else to live.

Why do you have debt? If it's a sign of out of control spending, then it's a problem. If you can't live within your means (and there are people who can't no matter how high their salary is), then adding another child won't help.

Really? I think you mean the minimum wage. Earning £25K pa gives a net income of just over £2K a month.

Median salary if £37Kpa.

They have only saved on average £2K a year between them in 10 years.

You are both earning around the national average and are able to meet your living costs without accruing debt, and with £23k of savings. This puts you in a far better position than most UK families. Obviously having another child is going to make you worse off so you need to do your sums and see if it could work and what sacrifices you'd have to make. You also need to consider your long term prospects. Are these salaries the most you'll ever earn, or do you expect to get better off in time? A temporary belt tightening is a different prospect to knowing you'll be on a tight budget for the next 20 years.

A new baby will put a tonne of pressure on your finances, your ability to earn and save, and your other children. I would invest in your children's future rather than reducing investment in them.

It depends. Renting is not a stable way to live long term. It's different maybe if it's social housing where you can be there for life, but private renting is not secure. I've seen many families with kids being given notice and having to scramble for another tenancy and sometimes the kids have to move schools.
It's unsettling.

I’m not counting the 25k as savings as they have it earmarked for a house at which point it’s all gone. So 2k of debt and no savings…is not a great position to be bringing another child into to be honest. But as I say that’s just my opinion

Turn it round the other way- what can you give a 3rd child?
This isn't about you.
It's about the life you're giving to your children.

You're stretched as it is, both on lowish incomes.

Once the teenage years kick in you're going to struggle with the cost of clothes, activities, school trips, etc.

As a PP says, what are your careers? Are you both able to earn more, be promoted, get a different job?

How much will the house you are aiming to buy cost?

Lots of people rent and have kids. Are they all irresponsible?

I'm not sure it's a great idea to plan a third child with the intention of relying on benefits to make it financially viable. That just seems a recipie for a very high pressured and unstable situation. They are about to head into an extremely expensive time of life, don't own a home and have minimal.savings. Their older children may want to go to university and are about to hit a time where they need lots of support with exams etc. It's one thing to commit to that when you know you can pay for it, but foolhardy to do it when you can't.

What are your pensions like?

I think at 36 you really need to get on the housing ladder sooner rather than later so that your 25 or 30 year mortgage is paid off by the time you retire.

Once you’ve bought a house then think about having a 3rd child.

If it were me, I would not add a 3rd child as I’d think it was irresponsible.

You don’t own property yet, you have a very small income, tiny amount of savings and there would be a massive age gap.

It's really not that bloody bad as you are making our. The third one tends to just sot in
Besides once you've got to the stage of older kids you are far more likely to be chilled out about babies ,and certainly far more aware of what they actually need

And I've never heard so much sanctimonious shit and on this thread. Tiny savings? 25 k is more than at least 80% of the population have.

University? No guarantee of them going and no parent HAS to.pay for adult kids to attend. Worse that happens is student needs to get a job to top up any lians

As for " Of course, if your standards for your children is to just keep them clothed, housed and fed then do what you want I guess.
It's a subjective question really. Everyone has different standards for their kids, some higher than other's" Well I'm almost speechless at such snootiness

We also only have 1 child and those saving include the money we put away to save for her.
The one child is due to infertility otherwise ideally we would have had 2.

I don't know what you're asking, the more I think about it.

Is it 'can we afford a 3rd child' or is it 'can we afford to buy a house?'

You're not saying what houses cost where you live.
Or how close you are to being able to buy.

If you're stuck renting, it will be harder with 3 children compared to 2, in terms of number of bedrooms, especially as your two children are on the verge of puberty and need privacy and space to focus on their school work (homework etc.)

Totally agree.

Children need love, of course. But it's very far from the only thing they need - especially with the world the way it currently is.

It's very whimsical and naive to say otherwise - some people have their heads in the clouds.

How much deposit do you need to put a deposit down on your home?
As all your savings will disappear then, then you need money for house repairs/maintenance as well.
It’s never ending.
Im the same age and had a mortgage for 12 years. We borrowed well within our limits (the maximum the banks would loan us was ridiculous) but we were lucky to stay at home for uni and it allowed us to save for deposit when we qualified at 21 & 22 for a couple of years so we didn’t have to rent we work in public sector.
We also live in the north where housing is cheaper. Lots of factors influence people’s savings etc.
Our savings could be better we have about 22K but also need to do house repairs etc!

@Namechangerage that world has passed in the sense that whilst people still do many free things and all those things you listed are great information is so readily available now people including children are more aware of what is around them.

I grew up in a family with stretched finances, it was unremittingly shit. Children need love the most but after that it’s quite nice to feel you can have some lessons if you love something and not wear clothes that are hand me downs or too tight all the time. When we were young it was very rare to eat out wasn’t it, these days it’s not seen as so special at all.

Children have the opportunity to try so much more these days, there are many aspects of life that are more loathsome than when we were young and so much of this stuff is not especially necessary but it’s the new norm.

So whilst my children had plenty of playing in the woods climbing trees, making dens, free museums and visits to the library they also had lessons for a serious hobby, no worries about school trips, some eating out, no clothes that were too tight or very worn out and nice holidays.

I get the we were poor but happy stance but let’s be honest it’s rubbish being poor. I remember the strain my parents were under, it wasn’t nice seeing my Mother so worried.

Well you have very little money to play with and don't own a home, so adding a third child is obviously going to stretch it all even further.

3 children will each have a lower standard of living than 2 - everything will be spread even more thinly. That's not rocket science and I'm sure you're aware of that.

Personally I wouldn't do it - I'd prefer to focus on giving the absolute best I could to the children who are already here.

If you think about the needs of your children then it seems like an easy decision. It seems a bit selfish to focus on your own desire for another child, above your children's needs and what you're able to give them.

The world is going to be a less and less stable place in the coming decades and children being born now will need all the help and support they can get.

Being really blunt, you are not in a position financially to have a 3rd child.
You have 2 already and aren't able to buy a property.

I'm trying not to be harsh, but you've saved - on average- just over £2K a year for 10 years (based on you being together for at least 10 years.) That isn't a lot. And you've £2K debt- so why aren't you paying that off?

Many young people I know are now waiting till their 30s to have their first child, and in that time they have increased the earnings in order to buy a home.

And with 3 children you'd need a bigger house when you do eventually buy.

Nursery fees are around £1K a month in many areas so have you thought about how you'd afford a mortgage and nursery fees for several years?

Without knowing where you live and house prices it's hard to say, but you don't seem to be saying much about how close you are to being able to buy a house.