Asking a child if they have a boyfriend/girlfriend

True! Taking offence when you know he's not sleezy.
Just explain, same as you would if you didn't want adults swearing in front of your kids.
Doesn't have to be a drama.

I think this is the case too now you said it.

For all the people saying to have a quiet word, many of those saying it aren’t the self reflective type and won’t stop because they were asked to stop. I’d go as far as to say they aren’t prone to respecting kids as their equals at all.

I remember being asked this and I'd say it's asked with the intent of embarrassing the children.If they show a reaction further teasing ensues.
He should pack it in.

I find it creepy but I've known lots of older people ask that question so I think it's an old fashioned thing. Some of them do have "boyfriends" and " girlfriends " at this age but it's all very innocent. My 12 year old has a girlfriend but it's xxxx and I love you at the end of texts and cards on valentines day. They don't even hug. He was in hospital recently and she was so worried about him, it was really sweet.

My inlaws do this and I absolutely hate it. Since they reached 8 and 8 it's stepped up a notch too and I've had to had words. Nip it in the bud sooner rather than later.

Personally I couldn’t get upset about this. my kids class (year5) is full of kids with boyfriends/ girlfriends, my son has a different girlfriend every other week. 🙄 it’s not real it’s just make believe, nothing different happens when they have a girlfriend other than saying they go out with such and such.
If it makes them feel uncomfortable though to be asked just tell him they don’t like it and to stop asking.

Totally agree,I really hate this

It's a very common question from elderly men and women.

Utterly ridiculous advice.

An older relative of my husbands would often ask this of my eldest child when he was about 9 or 10 making him uncomfortable, until the day she asked it of my second child (then 8) who instantly replied back “no of course not, don’t be silly - I’m far too young to have a girlfriend, just like you’re far to old to have a boyfriend!” as he strolled out of the room with the careless swagger of a typical second born! The question was never asked again strangely enough.

That second born is now in his last year at primary and his small class is full of boyfriend/girlfriend angst although he takes no part in it and is happily just friends with both boys and girls equally. He does love the drama it creates though and gleefully tells me all about it after school most days - it’s a bit of light entertainment for us both.

I’ve found both men and women of a certain era ask this question and it annoyed me greatly that’s basically the only conversation they can make with a young person…

Yes. It's just a bit of gentle teasing, parents are so precious nowadays.

My daughter has boy and girl friends. She even talks about who she's going to marry and give loves first kiss. Its all very innocent. If the question makes them uncomfortable shut it down. Tell him they do like the question and you know he would never want to make them upset or uncomfortable.

This takes me right back to my teenage years. A family friend without fail used to ask my DSis and I if we were 'courting' every time we met up. We used to cringe but she was otherwise a lovely lady so nothing was ever said

Yanbu at all!

When I was in primary school everyone had boyfriends and girlfriends. They didn't last long and everyone swapped around. It's definitely not unheard of. I have no idea why adults seem to have memory loss in this area. It was called puppy love. To think that kids don't have little crushes and are immune to romantic feelings is pretty short sighted.
Loads of grandads and older relatives ask this sort of question. They think they are being jokey and having a laugh. WTF is everyone so sensitive these days!

I have no issue with it unless it’s repetitive and annoying, which maybe this is.

My DC 8 has two girlfriends and they have both said they are going to marry him. Doesnt bother me in the slightest.

oh behave.

agree, its not a red flag in the 'he's a danger to kids' sense at all

but it does undermine safeguarding in an indirect way as its normalising sexualised talk with children- a vulnerable child who has heard this many times is then more vulnerable to a predator saying 'don't you want to be my girlfriend?'etc

but I wouldn't explain this to the FiL
just say it makes them uncomfortable/embarassed- that should be enough reason for him to stop

Its old fashioned, but was a very common jokey thing to say to children when I was a child (I'm in my 60s). Times have moved on, but I think saying it is a red flag (and you are obviously suggesting this man is a paedophile, so be upfront and say that) is a major overreaction. To cut a loving granddad out of his grand children's lives because he uses an outdated phrase wouold be cruel to all concerned. In my experience it was the ort of thing people said because they couldn't think of anything to say to kids and it was an awkard attempt to be jolly.

OP I would just politely tell him it makes the kids feel uncomfortable and ask him to stop.