Active discussions

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Was dh out of order?

141 replies

autienotnaughty · 23/06/2025 22:04

Eldest dd moved out a few months ago after buying a house. I wanted to keep her bedroom for a bit but she wanted to take her bed with her.

Dh works from home 2/3 days a week and more recently due to the project he is working on. We discussed putting a desk in dds old room and getting a futon for when we have guests.

we bought a futon and looked at several corner desks , it’s a single bedroom so with the futon and a corner desk the room wound be pretty full. I said to dh to choose any of the desks as they alllooked great.

a few weeks later the desk arrives, it’s massive it takes up 3/4s if the room! Dh says when family stop the will have more room as they can sleep under the desk!

im annoyed as there’s lees room and it feels less comfortable fir guests (mostly dd but my sister also stops regularly.

aibu to be annoyed?

OP posts:
BellissimoGecko · 24/06/2025 06:40

Where did he work before?

He should have measured the desk and run the new one past you to check you were happy first.

Original poster
autienotnaughty · 24/06/2025 06:39

MsFelicityLemon · 24/06/2025 06:35

Looks like it's just their feet under the desk. So not sleeping under it. No issue for one person in the futon.

It was never going to be a spacious guest room With two people in a futon, one person would have to maneuver themselves like an amateur gymnast get in or out, desk or no desk

No they have to sleep the other way. So if two people are in the bed it’s one person underneath the desk

OP posts:
Boredlass · 24/06/2025 06:38

YABU. I don’t understand people who keep their child’s bedroom the same when they move out. He needs the space to work. That should come first

Original poster
autienotnaughty · 24/06/2025 06:36

Daffodilsarefading · 24/06/2025 06:34

Why does he need such a big desk?
Can he send it back and you chose one of the other desks- the ones you agreed on?
Is dd his child? He didn’t sound like he wants her to ever stay.

We have three kids, older two are not his but he has raised them .

OP posts:
Sofiewoo · 24/06/2025 06:35

Is it a big deak though? OP says it’s only a single room. Any decent sized desk will fill a lot of it.

MsFelicityLemon · 24/06/2025 06:35

Looks like it's just their feet under the desk. So not sleeping under it. No issue for one person in the futon.

It was never going to be a spacious guest room With two people in a futon, one person would have to maneuver themselves like an amateur gymnast get in or out, desk or no desk

Daffodilsarefading · 24/06/2025 06:34

Why does he need such a big desk?
Can he send it back and you chose one of the other desks- the ones you agreed on?
Is dd his child? He didn’t sound like he wants her to ever stay.

fatgirlswims · 24/06/2025 06:32

autienotnaughty · 24/06/2025 06:19

As requested

Show quote history

Excellent

he is being unreasonable. Unless he is an architect
A corner des would have been much better.

He probably doesn’t think it s big deal (like my DH) but it would make me annoyed he’d done somthing -in my -view daft.

Spirallingdownwards · 24/06/2025 06:29

I am guessing that DH doesn't want a SIL to spend 1/6 of the year at your home.

Spirallingdownwards · 24/06/2025 06:27

Believe me your sister will not be wanting to stay for 8 weeks of the year if she is having to sleep on a futon. They are not comfortable at all.

fourelementary · 24/06/2025 06:27

How can a massive deal even be practical? Surely he can’t reach stuff at the back if it is literally 3/4 size of the room? It needs returned.

Original poster
autienotnaughty · 24/06/2025 06:22

autienotnaughty · 24/06/2025 06:19

As requested

Show quote history

Also the futon can’t go further under to create a walk space as the desk legs are in the middle and block it

OP posts:
Original poster
autienotnaughty · 24/06/2025 06:20

Onelifeonly · 24/06/2025 06:06

I can't answer whether his desk choice is reasonable, other than to say that if the main purpose of the room is for him to work in, he needs a desk big enough for him to work comfortably.

But I think, since it doesn't work for the other purposes you have in mind, you should have made the decision together, not left him to it.

Also, does your dd live locally? Does she need to sleep over anymore? If it's just occasionally, could she have an airbed in the living room?

As for your sister- your dd has always had to move out to her bf's so your sister can stay? What about before she had a bf? What happened then? Doesn't your DH's needs trump having your sister to stay? Where will he work when she's staying in future- or will the futon just have to be put away every morning?

Plus does it really matter how big the desk is if the futon fits under it for sleeping purposes? A guest could dress in the bathroom, if there's not enough floor space to stand.

Before dd had a boyfriend /uni she shared with younger sister if needed.

OP posts:
Original poster
autienotnaughty · 24/06/2025 06:19

fatgirlswims · 24/06/2025 05:53

This needs a diagram

As requested

Was dh out of order?
OP posts:
Onelifeonly · 24/06/2025 06:06

I can't answer whether his desk choice is reasonable, other than to say that if the main purpose of the room is for him to work in, he needs a desk big enough for him to work comfortably.

But I think, since it doesn't work for the other purposes you have in mind, you should have made the decision together, not left him to it.

Also, does your dd live locally? Does she need to sleep over anymore? If it's just occasionally, could she have an airbed in the living room?

As for your sister- your dd has always had to move out to her bf's so your sister can stay? What about before she had a bf? What happened then? Doesn't your DH's needs trump having your sister to stay? Where will he work when she's staying in future- or will the futon just have to be put away every morning?

Plus does it really matter how big the desk is if the futon fits under it for sleeping purposes? A guest could dress in the bathroom, if there's not enough floor space to stand.

JackJarvisEsq · 24/06/2025 05:59

autienotnaughty · 24/06/2025 05:54

Dd whenever she likes. She’s stopped twice in past few months but doesn’t like it. My sister visits 4 times a year for 1-2 weeks. Very occasionally a friend or ils will stop . Maybe 8 weeks a year in total?

Show quote history

Where did your sister sleep before your daughter moved out?

crumblingschools · 24/06/2025 05:56

Where did guests sleep and where did DH work before DD left home?

Original poster
autienotnaughty · 24/06/2025 05:56

Sofiewoo · 24/06/2025 05:45

If the room was being used where weee guests staying before?
I don’t think guests should really come above someone who lives in the home. He works from home most of the week.

When dd lived at home she stayed at bf or was at uni so we made it work.

OP posts:
Original poster
autienotnaughty · 24/06/2025 05:54

DoctorRoseReturns · 23/06/2025 22:52

How often is "often" for having guests?

Dd whenever she likes. She’s stopped twice in past few months but doesn’t like it. My sister visits 4 times a year for 1-2 weeks. Very occasionally a friend or ils will stop . Maybe 8 weeks a year in total?

OP posts:
fatgirlswims · 24/06/2025 05:53

This needs a diagram

Original poster
autienotnaughty · 24/06/2025 05:50

KellyJonesLeatherTrousers · 23/06/2025 22:29

You both agreed to a futon and a desk and you said to order any of the desks but neither you or DH checked dimensions or measured the room? Both equally at fault I would say. Send the desk back and get something that fits.

We measured, picked out 5dedks. I said choose any he bought one not on the list that was completely different to all the others

OP posts:
Original poster
autienotnaughty · 24/06/2025 05:48

Lmnop22 · 23/06/2025 22:08

Did he know it would be huge and take up most of the room and wasn’t one you’d agreed to/looked at together?

If so, then YANBU as you need somewhere for guests to sleep and “under the desk” is far from comfortable in my opinion!

If not and it was a mistake then YABU to be annoyed UNLESS he refuses to send it back and get a smaller one! (Or he has some legitimate reason to need a giant desk for his job, which I doubt!)

Yes he measured

OP posts:
Original poster
autienotnaughty · 24/06/2025 05:47

PrincessOfPreschool · 23/06/2025 22:15

So, what he's saying is that with a smaller desk, when the futon is open there will be very little room anyway? With a bigger desk, the open futon can stretch under it, so feet would be under the desk.

Sounds fine to me. He gets a bigger desk. Room is cramped either way if anyone stays over so may as well work better for him. People staying over will be much rarer than him using the desk several days per week, maybe evenings etc.

I see his point. Since you won't be unconvenienced whatsoever by a smaller desk, it's no surprise that you think he should be putting others' (your guests) needs above his own. But you're not actually happy to put his needs first.

So the plan was a corner desk at one side of the room with the futon at the other. When the futon is out there would be half the room is futon a third of the remaining room is the desk and the rest is space ti walk around etc.

what dh did was chose a desk that takes up 3/4 of the room. The futon is underneath it. When you pull the futon out it’s half under the desk half not. The only available floor space is the doorway. So guests have to dress etc sat on the futon.

OP posts:
Sofiewoo · 24/06/2025 05:45

If the room was being used where weee guests staying before?
I don’t think guests should really come above someone who lives in the home. He works from home most of the week.

WFHmutha25 · 24/06/2025 05:44

I'd be pissed off, but also I'm in the same situation and I've chosen a desk that fits in tiny room with bed and it's awful to work at. It feels like I'm just up against the wall. So I do think he's right as it has to work for him.

Swipe left for the next trending thread