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AIBU?

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Original poster

Was dh out of order?

141 replies

autienotnaughty · 23/06/2025 22:04

Eldest dd moved out a few months ago after buying a house. I wanted to keep her bedroom for a bit but she wanted to take her bed with her.

Dh works from home 2/3 days a week and more recently due to the project he is working on. We discussed putting a desk in dds old room and getting a futon for when we have guests.

we bought a futon and looked at several corner desks , it’s a single bedroom so with the futon and a corner desk the room wound be pretty full. I said to dh to choose any of the desks as they alllooked great.

a few weeks later the desk arrives, it’s massive it takes up 3/4s if the room! Dh says when family stop the will have more room as they can sleep under the desk!

im annoyed as there’s lees room and it feels less comfortable fir guests (mostly dd but my sister also stops regularly.

aibu to be annoyed?

OP posts:
Booboobagins · 24/06/2025 07:23

He's selfish and a twerp! He wanted her room as his office.

If you cant get him to send his desk back and get one you agreed on, get a decent sofa bed in the lounge/dining room for guests.

What an AH.

rwalker · 24/06/2025 07:22

The problem is you have different priorities for the room
you think the futon trumps his desk
dh thinks the desk trumps the futon.

it’s alright for you to say get a small desk but he needs room to work every day your original plan is impractical

IVbumble · 24/06/2025 07:20

Are there other wankerish moves he does putting himself above your DC?

RandomMess · 24/06/2025 07:17

Yes he’s out of order to buy something so different to what was agreed on without discussing it and having an agreement.

I have a large desk, multiple screen etc that one is ridiculously large!

Next visitor you two sleep on the futon and he can sleep under the desk? At least it will be dark I suppose 🤣

BellissimoGecko · 24/06/2025 07:16

autienotnaughty · 24/06/2025 07:00

It’s the same size roughly as a small double bed.

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How is this practical? You couldn’t reach across it to anything on the other side! Unless it was in the middle of the room and you were standing.

What does your h do? Does he actually need a bed-sized desk?!

RosesAndHellebores · 24/06/2025 07:15

Sofiewoo · 24/06/2025 06:57

You don’t think when the DD has moved out is actually a perfect time to prioritise himself after years of making do with barely any space?

Why would an empty bed for 95% of the year make more sense than the person using it 3 days a week being prioritised?

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No. Our children will always have a bedroom at their family home. So they can come home whenever or if ever they wish.

My mother and step took over my bedroom when I was 21 and had moved out. It was visceral. My father would never have done it. I knew precisely where I stood!

AgnesX · 24/06/2025 07:13

Get him to measure it and the space and look at the dimensions of other desks. They tend to come in a limited number of sizes so it may well be it's the room that's the real issue.

WFHmutha25 · 24/06/2025 07:08

But nonetheless you would be pissed of with him for making the right decision?

I'd be pissed off from her point of view, but now I'm on the other side he is right as his work space needs to be adequate.

Original poster
autienotnaughty · 24/06/2025 07:05

healthybychristmas · 24/06/2025 07:02

I'm going to take a gamble and say that he moved into your house.

Originally then we bought together we have been together 20 years

OP posts:
Sofiewoo · 24/06/2025 07:03

autienotnaughty · 24/06/2025 07:00

It’s the same size roughly as a small double bed.

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Oh come on where did he buy a desk with the footprint of a double desk?
The average depth for a desk is 800mm which is well under the depth of a double bed.

healthybychristmas · 24/06/2025 07:02

I'm going to take a gamble and say that he moved into your house.

Original poster
autienotnaughty · 24/06/2025 07:01

BellissimoGecko · 24/06/2025 06:40

Where did he work before?

He should have measured the desk and run the new one past you to check you were happy first.

Dining room table which was a nightmare as I couldn’t use the kitchen when he was ina meeting

OP posts:
Original poster
autienotnaughty · 24/06/2025 07:00

BellissimoGecko · 24/06/2025 06:42

It really won’t. The average desk is not 6.5 feet long, the length of the room. There are plenty much smaller options.

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It’s the same size roughly as a small double bed.

OP posts:
Daffodilsarefading · 24/06/2025 06:58

Also I had a feeling that dd wasn’t his child.

Original poster
autienotnaughty · 24/06/2025 06:58

RosesAndHellebores · 24/06/2025 06:45

Why didn't you and your dh buy your dd a bed for the new place? Then the old one would have been in situ and the invitation to be able to come home would have remained open. Ah, yes, your DH isn't your dd's father and has prioritised himself and you have let him.

We had a spare king size bed she took as well. The small double is in their guest room now.

OP posts:
Sofiewoo · 24/06/2025 06:57

RosesAndHellebores · 24/06/2025 06:45

Why didn't you and your dh buy your dd a bed for the new place? Then the old one would have been in situ and the invitation to be able to come home would have remained open. Ah, yes, your DH isn't your dd's father and has prioritised himself and you have let him.

You don’t think when the DD has moved out is actually a perfect time to prioritise himself after years of making do with barely any space?

Why would an empty bed for 95% of the year make more sense than the person using it 3 days a week being prioritised?

Daffodilsarefading · 24/06/2025 06:57

How about when your sister comes to stay, you book a hotel for the 2 of you and you go with her.

Sofiewoo · 24/06/2025 06:55

autienotnaughty · 24/06/2025 06:39

No they have to sleep the other way. So if two people are in the bed it’s one person underneath the desk

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Well pretty much never have 2 people staying according to your own post so it’s a non issue surely?

InterestedDad37 · 24/06/2025 06:55

Selfish choice by DH with no thought for anyone but himself. Tell him desk size actually has an inverse relationship to penis size 😀

NoSoupForU · 24/06/2025 06:52

I think the room should be kitted out to suit its primary purpose. If your husband is in there working 3 days every week it needs to meet his needs.

My husband wouldn't dream of choosing my desk because he isn't sat at it doing my job.

If you then don't have space for your sister to come and stay for a couple of weeks every few months then so be it.

SunnySideDeepDown · 24/06/2025 06:52

Your DH went ahead and did what he want without communicating and compromising with you. I’d be embarrassed to expect someone to sleep under a desk, even if it is on the futon. YANBU.

SeriaMau · 24/06/2025 06:48

WFHmutha25 · 24/06/2025 05:44

I'd be pissed off, but also I'm in the same situation and I've chosen a desk that fits in tiny room with bed and it's awful to work at. It feels like I'm just up against the wall. So I do think he's right as it has to work for him.

But nonetheless you would be pissed of with him for making the right decision?

RosesAndHellebores · 24/06/2025 06:45

Why didn't you and your dh buy your dd a bed for the new place? Then the old one would have been in situ and the invitation to be able to come home would have remained open. Ah, yes, your DH isn't your dd's father and has prioritised himself and you have let him.

BellissimoGecko · 24/06/2025 06:42

Sofiewoo · 24/06/2025 06:35

Is it a big deak though? OP says it’s only a single room. Any decent sized desk will fill a lot of it.

It really won’t. The average desk is not 6.5 feet long, the length of the room. There are plenty much smaller options.

wandawaves · 24/06/2025 06:41

So if they sit up before remembering where they are, they could smack their head on the underside of the desk?

I'd be returning the desk. Surely he could still find a decent desk that isn't so huge.

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